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a little help please?
I suffer from a very strong case of depression. I go to a therapist every week just to make sure that I stay in check and everything, and on the days I don't go, I'm popping 2 anti-depressants a day and 2 B-vitamins as well. Well, my friends don't know all of this and they complain about my attitude sometimes when most of the time I just feel hurt and down (that and I'm very sensitive). How do I keep myself strong and happy infront of my friends when I just want to cry and be angry all of the time? Please, I'm a 13 year old girl and I just need some advice.
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Hi. First of all, I'd like to give you my e-mail address which is soysusana@verizon.net and I want you to feel free to contact me anytime, okay?
Now, that out of the way, let me tell you that I am bipolar which means that I either have very depressed bouts or I am extremely manic. I absolutely know what it's like to feel ridiculously depressed AND I know what it's like to be on meds for these chemical imbalances. (By the way, ask your doctor about folic acid. My psychiatrist recommended that to me and I now take one pill a day. You'll find it with the vitamins in a drug store.)
There was a very long time when I did not talk about my illness with ANYONE except my therapists. Then one day I decided that maybe it would benefit me (and my relationships) if I were honest about what was going on with me. I have since let my good friends know about my depression and mania and man did it make a difference! They have been able to understand me more now than ever before, and more importantly I didn't feel as though I had to hide and make excuses. I don't recommend that you go into great detail with your friends. That's not necessary unless YOU want to do that. But you may find that your friends will be very supportive of you if you just let them know that you're going through a difficult time right now and are under a doctor's care. Let them know that you don't always "feel yourself" and that you'd like them to not take it personally when you are having trouble keeping up your spirits. Let them know it's not their fault, but that you need them to try to be understanding of your moods -- and say "moods," vs. attitude. I suggest this because your MOODS affect your attitude and maybe they will understand this a little better.
I suspect that you ARE very strong already. You can be overly sensitive (I am, unfortunately), but be a very strong person nevertheless. You are seeking counseling and taking medication to help you and that is being STRONG. It makes me so sad that you want to cry and are angry so much of the time. I really understand and I wish I could say magic words for you. Definitely keep talking to your therapist and talk to her or him about these feelings. I can't help but wonder if by keeping this "secret" from your closest friends you are making things worse on yourself because you are not allowing yourself a natural friendship outlet where you can talk about anything with your friends. Maybe this is beginning to take a toll on you? Maybe when your friends think you have a bad attitude and you know what's really going on inside your head, you feel resentful towards them and that makes you want to cry and be angry.
When a person is depressed, trying too hard to be happy and to act like all is well can make that person even more depressed. I wonder if that's happening to you? Do you trust your friends? Is there a specific reason you've chosen not to tell them anything at this point? I know some kids can be mean, but I'm hoping that your friends are not like that. If you do have trust issues with them, then I understand why you haven't talked to them. But, if you're embarrassed, then that's a different story. Sweetie, too many people have all sorts of problems - some obviously more severe than others. There is nothing about which you need to be embarrassed. And, teen depression is getting more and more attention these days, so it's not kept "in the closet" like it used to be. You may even find that your friends will open up to you a little more if you open the door by talking to them. You need to heal by using different methods. You need to be able to be yourself. You WILL be happy again. Trust me.
I can try to help you re-focus some of your depressed thoughts if you'd like. I'm not saying that your depression will just disappear. It won't. But since I know where you're coming from, maybe I can help if you're willing to talk to me a little more.
I want to help you more, especially with ways in which you can communicate with your friends. If you can, let me know a little more about them and how open-minded they are, okay? Because, if you choose to keep this a secret, we can try to work together on how you can deal better with them when you're with them.
Please write to me and see if you can answer some of my questions. I'd like to help you as much as I can. I really do care.
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