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thanks for replying to my email
I can't show up at their dad's because he has remarried and won't speak to me now. He lives in a gated community and has told the kids they can not give me the code. One thing I have never done is bad mouth their dad, infact I made so many excuses for him when they were little. The real problem is that he forces them to do what he wants or he threatens to take their car or cancel their credit cards, so they have to stay in good with him. All through the years I have called him always to let him know about recitals, swim meets, etc. Now that they are 18 he refuses to tell me anything or help keep me involved. Both kids got out of college around Dec 12 and my daughter is not due back for another couple of weeks. My son graduated early on Dec 16th. Through this whole time they came over the day after Christmas and stayed about 10 mintues and my daughter has called a couple of times and said she would try to see me again before she goes back, but I know she won't. I always act happy and cheerful around them, because I don't want them to know how much they are hurting me. When I asked what they wanted for Christmas my daughter said nothing that her dad was getting her everything she wanted. That makes you feel great. My son said nothing, because his dad buys him stuff all the time and there's nothing he wants. He has everything. I have asked them and their boyfriend and girlfriend over for dinner any night just name it, but they won't set a time. I always taught my children to be so independent, especially my daughter. I just said if you are ever alone you need to be able to take care of yourself and afford to do the things you want to, not to have to count on a man. I was never overbearing, so I think because I wasn't they really never respected me. Their dad demands respect. I know they need to lead their own lives and that is exactly what I want them to do and thats how I raised them. But, I never thought that would mean they never would call me or come and see me. I try to go see them and it's never a good time. They both have told me that they don't remember things about when they were younger and things I did with them. My ex does have a thumb on them and thats how he controls them by paying for everything, so I'm not sure that they are totally devoted to him or just don't want to be cut off. My family is just now seeing how they have done me for the first time in several years and can hardly believe they treat me this way. I can only be rejected by them so much then you kinda of put a border around yourself so you don't get so hurt all the time. I just can't live my life trying to find out what I can do to get them to spend time with me or cry about it all the time. It was literally taking over my life. Everyone says they will come around, but in the mean time I am missing out on so much with them. Helping my daughter bring everything home from college, her dad did. I was the only one in my family that got one of my son's graduation invitations a week late. This really hurt my family. Lately, I just sit back and wait. They call once in a while and I will talk to them about whatever they bring up, but I don't ask any questions or butt in. I just say if you need me for anything I'll be here and then just let it go. Any advice on what to do now or am I doing the right thing? I feel like an aquaintance not a mom.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
Maybe your letting them go too easy then? Dont be affraid to show them how you feel. Next time you have them together, sit them down, tell them your feelings. Dont let the idea of them not talking to you ever again and whatnot bother you. Just talk it out with them, and their father. Dont be affraid to cry, or yell, they're your kids, they'll understand..
But again, with the father, remind him you informed him of any, and all important activities you told him about. Tell him it isnt fair, even thou they're 18 years old, you still should have to right to see them, even if its once every one or two months, that you just want to see them every now and then. Maybe this will help, I hope it does... Good luck, ...Dont wait, and write back to me with the results
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