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Friendship taste like poo with an ex-lover
Is is possible to be friends with an ex-lover and watch them pursue someone else? Cause right now, it taste like penguin poo trying to do the right thing. ANd I hate myself for not going for this guy when I had the chance. Now, he's pursuing another girl and I'm jealous. Plus to top it all off, I work with this guy and his new girl pursuit, so it's not like I can stop seeing them and get over it. I have to watch their relationship develop and it makes me feel like a fish carcass being chewed into pieces by its fellow gilled buddies. (yesterday grommie died-the shiney blue fish-now there's only 5 fish in the tank) How do i keep healthy fish and relationships under complicated circumstances? How do I distance myself for protection yet still maintain a close friendship.
I would very much appreciate an answer.
Thanks J-sizzles a.k.a. fish killer
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Oh my dear J-sizzles a.k.a fish killer, how I miss you dearly. I am very saddened to hear of another casualty (NO NOT GROMMIE! I liked grommie. He was so shiney and blue. I hope you said some nice words before flushing) You have a beautiful self and fish tank and eventually all will work out.
Hmm....this penguin poo, it intrigues me. For you know of my love for penguins (and pork with artichoke dip from the winery...ahh the memories) But, alas my dear J-sizzles that is not why you are asking me a question.
I would say to you, my darling lovely blonde questioner, that you should indeed remember why you did not want to be with him in the first place. I remember a convo that had something to do with the following:
1. We are in different places
2. We don't have the same goals
3. He likes a certain "state of mind...aahem" way too much
4. He had already liked "that girl" from the beginning
and last but not least
5. We were both using each other to get what we want.
Sadly, you cannot have both a close friendship and protect yourself with distance. Those two things do not work together. If you cannot be happy for them, or at least come to deal with it and be okay with it, then you are going to have to give up the close friendship. In order to still be close with him, you are going to have to accept that he is with her now and is happy. There is no exception to it. If I had one I would gladly deliver it to you in person.
I know you, (and will tell the world about it or at least only those who read my advice column, which isn't that many, so don't worry) that is not a relationship or guy you want in your life. Yes, having someone there is GREAT. We all long for it...you know - I know what it is like. But in the long run it is quality over quantity. You should have someone who loves you and only you. You will find him, but this dude is not him. Oh and the other guy (kneel) isn't either. I would remind you to keep thinking of the reasons why you cut him loose in the first place. It is very easy, when looking back, to only think of the good things especially if you are lonesome and really want company. Keep telling yourself why you don't want him. Maybe he's smelly, or snores loudly..hehee..maybe he is not going anywhere with his life, he probably has some REALLY annoying habbits you haven't discovered yet...oh oh I bet he doesn't recycle! I can tell that he litters. Just can, don't question...
Just keep in mind that he wanted her first, then decided he wanted to mess with you, and then decided he wanted her again, leaving you behind. You deserve better than that...you ARE better than that.
Oh and the fact that he CHEATED on her (with you...) you don't want that. Think of it as her problem now.
"How do i keep healthy fish and relationships under complicated circumstances? How do I distance myself for protection yet still maintain a close friendship."
In order to keep relationships going under complicated circumstances it takes commitment to the relationship. Not just yours, but his as well. It is possible to still have a good friendship despite what is going on right now, but you are going to have to decide whether or not you can put your own feelings of jealousy and regret aside. In order to keep this friendship alive it is going to require alot from you. Is he worth it? If you even think he is, at all, then you need to (not said in any kind of spiteful or bitchy way) get over yourself. Put him first, and see what happens. If you get nothing from him as a sign of a desire to keep it alive, then you are gonna have to let it go. Hopefully, he will want to stay friends as well...these situations are how you find out who your real friends are.
There will be other boys, this is a good learning experience on how to let go.
You have my support and my ear oh and fingers I guess too, heh.
Ciao babes,
Missdog.
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