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Best friend/Ex boyfriend
I went out with a guy on and off for over a year, we broke up the last time about five months ago but I never really got over him.
On Friday night I had a party to celebrate my birthday. One of my best friends was there as well as my ex boyfriend. My best friend knew I still like him but she ended up kissing him at my party.
I was really upset about it and she told me that she didn't mean to and that nothing was going to happen between them so I forgave her.
My ex boyfriend said he cared about me a lot as a friend but that he likes my best friend, she likes him back.
Now my best friend won't go out with him because she doesn't want me to be unhappy but she's being really resentful towards me. She said that I was an attention seeker for being unhappy about it and some other stuff.
I told her that she had to choose between me and my ex boyfriend and she found it really hard. I've known her for about 10 years so I was really hurt that she found it that hard to choose when she doesn't even like him that much.
I feel so guilty about it. Either way I'm going to be unhappy. If they go out, I'll lose him and her as friends, I won't be able to hang out with my friends in school because they'll be there and it will be uncomfortable and I'll be generally unhappy. If they don't go out, I'll feel guilty and it won't make him like me. So no matter what I do I lose.
So I have no idea what to do, please help me.
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I want you to understand that I'm not trying to be mean at all! Why would you make her choose over you and your ex? It's always going to be hard for you to get over him, and as well as many other girls to get over their ex. You have to understand that you and him are over. If things are meant to be, you guys will go out again. For now, you have to let him go. You can still care about him, that's fine but you can't just get mad at every girl that he goes out with. This is your best friend you are talking about, and you are letting a guy come between your friendship. She likes him, and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just wondering who made the rule that friends can't go out with friends ex boyfriends. I know it might hurt their feelings and all, but if you really liked him then go for it. I'm sorry that you are unhappy, but when your friend said that you are an attention seeker, I don't think that is really true. I understand that you wouldn't be happy if they go out, but your friend is in a really tough situation as well. She doesn't want to loose you as a best friend, and you want her to choose over you and the guy she likes. She loves you, but I don't think she would want to loose him as a friend. I know how you feel though because someone went out with my ex that I really cared about. Although I was upset, I let her be happy. She also deserved it. Maybe you could atleast do that. This isn't about loosing or winning. You won't loose eather one of them, but if you keep acting like that you will. Acept it. It's hard to but accept it. You can't just make him like you again. He said he still cares about you but in a friend way. Like I said, if things are meant to be between you and him, they will be.
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A girlfriend of mine and I went through a similar situation when we were younger. The guy in question happened to be her first "love", he took her virginity etc. so it was pretty serious. Well the guy and I ended up seeing eachother four YEARS later and we dated casually. Even after all that time, she was FURIOUS at me because I would date him at all.
On one hand, I thought it was ridiculous of her because so much time had elapsed between them. In the end, I realized he was a jerk anyhow and my friend and I remained close. We're going on 13 years of friendship now and I realize the old saying 'men come and go but friends are here to stay' is true.
The point is, you can't call 'dibs' on a guy for the rest of your life. Quite frankly, you don't make it sound as if it were that serious at all. In a few years, you'll be struggling to even remember his last name. Don't throw away a much more important relationship over a petty crush. If you care about your friend and your feelings you will acknowledge that even though you are still getting over it, she has the right to date anyone who isn't currently dating you.
Good Luck,
Anne Nonimous
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