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Extra Weight
I am 5'4" and weigh 145 lbs, which makes me a little on the chunky side. I used to have a hard and sexy body and weighted 110 lbs. I no longer wear swimsuits or dress in tight, sexy clothing. I recently married my fiancee of 3.5 years, he met me when I was the sexy me. I have been at this weight for 2 years and struggling to lose the pounds. He has never put me down for being fat but says that I should lose weight for health reasons. Do you guys think he might lose interest in my body soon? I'm 22 and he's 24. How much can a guy take of his girlfriend being fat? And if I do lose the weight, do you guys think he will go back to the place where he wants to jump my bones again? Will he see the difference and act accordingly? What's your opinion?
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I have hardly anything to add to the excellent advice already given by The Old One, except that Iwould strongly advise against any kind of 'Miracle Diet', even a hospital supervised one. Your husband sounds like a good guy- I'm sure he's just responding to your insecurity when he cites your health- really, he would like to tell you that nothing is wrong at all, but knows you would not take that answer at face value. Believe in yourself, take excercise, and trust in his love for you at whatever weight you happen to be. Love and good wishes, Lucretia.
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It sounds as if your weight gain has made some pretty serious changes in how you feel about yourself - changes for the worse. That's probably as big a factor as your weight gain itself. If you don't FEEL sexy, then you can't BE sexy.
And your husband has already ventured into the Danger Zone by suggesting that you lose weight, even if he used the "health" excuse. That's clearly significant, but there's not enough information to know what it means. He may be put off by the new larger you; or he may be reacting to your own feelings. It sounds as if he knows that you're not happy about your size right now.
You didn't mention if you are having any weight-related health problems, or if your family does (say, diabetes or heart disease or joint problems), but if you are or they do, that does give him a legitimate reason to be concerned for you.
On the other hand, you certainly don't sound *grossly* overweight. And many (but not all) men appreciate a pleasantly plump woman.
This comes down to two points:
1. Communication. It's the lifeblood of a relationship. If you're not sure how your husband feels, it would be a really good idea to talk to him about this. There are, of course, two problems: one is that every guy knows that he's risking serious grief if his girlfriend or spouse gets the idea that he thinks that she's fat. So we lie, by reflex, out of sheer self-preservation. The other problem is that some guys are simply terrible at communication. If your husband is one of those guys, you can work on improving your communication skills together, but there will always be some problems.
2. You two have been together for almost four years, if not longer. For a lot of couples a little of the raw animal passion does tend to seep away, after a time. If you lose weight he'll probably show more interest in you, but I wouldn't expect him to be as obsessed and passionate as he was when you first met.
You should also remember that since you're now living together, he sees you every day - so the changes in your body as you lose weight will not have an immediate impact on him, because they'll be gradual. You won't get the same sort of impact that you'd get if you went away for a few weeks and came back suddenly and glamorously thin, as far as he was concerned.
But my guess is that he WILL perk up and take notice.
By the way, if you want to lose 35 pounds and have some money to spend, you may want to look into a medically-supervised liquid diet weight loss program from a local hospital. These programs allow dramatic weight loss in a minimum of time, and they're relatively safe because you're monitored by a doctor every week. The drawback is that they're also rather expensive, costing anywhere from two to six thousand dollars.
These programs normally include a great deal of education and behavior modification training, to enable you to maintain a healthy weight after you graduate from the program. They have a relatively high success rate.
Of course, you can lose all the weight you need simply by exercising and eating a healthy diet. That takes a little longer, but the results are just as good.
In any case, good luck!
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