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mom slowly ruining best frienship
my family and i, let alone my mom aren't really a family. mom and i have gone to counseling for things that she put a twist on. we just arent the same people. and i have 3 best friends, but one of them is my everything. we talk about everything, she is my substitute for a family realy. and her family. we play number one dubles together in tennis and we had a match against the best team in the league yesterday. we lost in 3 sets but still did realy well. my mom kept yelling watch the lanes to who i thought was to me. i got realy upset because she doesnt know what she is talking about. and she wouldnt stop. and today she yelled at me for idolizing natalies mom and told me i wouldnt last in that household. and then she said that she was yelling to natalie to watch the lanes. i got home and my turtle was dead because mom left it outside with the lid off and it was attacked by another animal. i called natalie and told her the fist story. then she called back and i ended up telling her what mom said about the lanes. i definetly shouldnt have done that and i didnt think enough. now shes mad at my mom, and i dont blame her. i caled her back after a while and we talked about it and i said hhow i shouldnt have said anything and please dont think that i feel the same way. she kept saying how shes not mad at me or anything but just a little upset. i am terrified that tomorrow in school it will be akward between us. she is the most incredible person ive ever known and our connection is incredible. i wouldnt give her up for anything. i just dont know what to do, im sitting her bawling and have to go do homework.
female, 16
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It sounds like you've got a whole lot of stuff going on. Firstly, your relationship with your mom. If you're still in counselling, stay there! It can be a chance for you to both say your view of things without it dissolving into a screaming match. It could also be worth considering whether you'd like individual counselling - the counsellor is totally focused on YOU...your feelings, perceptions, hurt places, and hope. It's a space just for you.
I think if you constantly feel like you're in a fight with your mom, it's not surprising you would assume that she was yelling at you about the tennis game (although the fact that she showed up to support you does say a lot!). I think Natalie could be upset because she is upset you guys lost the game, and now she thinks that your mom - and possibly you - think it's her fault.
I think if you let her know that you shared the story with her not to try to slip in insults, but that you needed to talk to someone about your mom. Let her know it was about YOU, not her. Explain that you feel very close to her and trust her, and that's why she's the one you turned to when you were upset.
If you two are as connected as it seems, this won't ruin things. Sure, they could be awkward for a couple of hours or days. But it won't last - talk about things, keep connecting, have fun. Everything will be fine.
Best of luck.
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