|
Curious about you solving the problem
Hello again, thanks a lot for your answers. Somehow our pals have stepped aside of our lives and now my most intimate friend lives in the states, some few thousand kilometers away; so much for going to his place and telling him hehe... so I am grateful for finding someone to have his or her opinion.
Okay... big question. You say in your 30 years of marriage you've been in my same position. Have you, really? I mean, have you come to a point where sex between you guys had lost a big part of its appeal? If so, how did you work things out? That's what scares me... Can it actually be restored to a point where the desire for your couple is reborn? If not, what hope is left for a relationship?
You also told me to set aside time each day to talk or just to be together, and man do we do that. We have always spent time together, almost everyday prior to living together (1 and a half years ago), and now even more. We are some of the most, uh... I don't know the english word... it is goofy? -people around, and always very caring and tender to each other. We have talked and talked and talked; maybe I just need to be by myself for a while, but spending a few days with my father is not an appealing sight to behold, so...
These days are being easily the worst for like... 6 years? I'm still confused, but nevertheless taking into account your words. In the interim, I guess I'll try to focus on the things I dislike about the other girl, but this situation is tearing me apart...
Again, thanks for your advice. I will definitely keep you informed. I know this is a big message, but when I start it's hard to finish, and I like writing.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Understand what you mean about the long writings!
Don't worry about it I do the same. Much easier than talking much of the time.
Yes I have been there. Little different situation maybe...but, well not really. My husband and I got married very early (yes pregnant teen), 16 and 17. He had been prone to going into these...I called them funks, for days at a time. I think a lot of it may have been depression but he refused to talk to me or tell a doctor about what was bothering him. Sex was still okay....just not as often and something definitely missing.
Believe me, there is NOTHING on earth like knowing something is wrong and being unable to help. After a couple of years (or more) of this behavior this past year I had enough. I told him you either tell me what is wrong or you go find your happiness elsewhere... because he was starting to make ME nuts.
We had a long talk. The gist being that he felt he had "missed" something. The being with a lot of different women and all that. He thought he was strange and felt I wouldn't understand and he thought he needed that experience and it was denied him and all that. He wasn't sure he wanted to be with me anymore, but he still loved me, considered me his best friend, didn't want to hurt me and didn't want to give me up. To put it mildly, he was confused. We wrote emails back and forth telling each other what we really meant to each other. Then in my newsletters one day there was the one on infidelity...the one I tried probably badly, to quote from for you. I don't remember where it came from, most likely a health newsletter, but I had never gotten anything like it before. It just showed up at the right time (we are convinced my granny had something to do with it...if you believe in the guardian angel stuff!) I sent it to him.
It made him realize that other women weren't the answer. He had everything he needed and wanted right here at home. Now, we cuddle nightly before he goes to sleep (he has to rise early for work, I am a night owl), and we talk about everything and anything. It has become a habit and the best part of the day. Our sex life is back and better than ever. As a matter of fact, it is surprising that after 30 years that it can continue to be better. But, it is. He knows he can tell me anything he is feeling and I am not going to tell him to get lost. My feelings are occasionally hurt but, I am a sensitive sort! The best part of it all is the depressed funks he was having for days at a time and month after month for the past several years have disappeared completely. I think for him it was just accepting that there are things he didn't do when he was younger and he really doesn't need to. He has something better and something to be proud of. At age 47 he has been married 30 years, has 2 kids who were raised by both parents and are fairly responsible adults. Has 5 grand kids to spoil who think the world of him. And he has a wife who loves him more than anything. When weighed against a quickie for the sake of a few minutes of sex with someone different, the guilt he would feel afterward, well...he decided it wasn't worth the bother because he actually has it all.
OK, that being said...if you are still awake...Yes I think it can indeed be better and restored. It may never be the EXACTLY the same, I mean you know each other and a lot of mystery is no longer there, but it can be better than ever. Knowing someone is there for you and will be no matter what is wonderful. If you can get past all this it will be worth it. If not, well we can talk about that if it happens. I doubt she will toss you out on your ear if she truly loves you. This will definitely be a test. You will know her true feelings for you when all is said and done.
I realize you spend a lot of time together. Try the cuddle talk with the lights turned off and really honestly speak of your feelings...or just be goofy once things are back on track. You will like it. :)
If you do feel the need to get away by yourself then do so. Get a tent and go camping for a couple of days. No TV or distractions, just you and your thoughts.
I understand the worst days feeling. But when it is over....such peace!
About the other girl. You have to realize as my hubby did, that being attracted is not a crime. Men always look and will always be attracted by a pretty girl. I think it is natural (wish I could find that article, I will look for it). It doesn't mean you are bad or don't love your partner. You just don't act on it.
I sure hope things work out for you. Do keep me informed. Hope I didn't bore you to much, and if you need to ask more questions, feel free. Best of luck. :)
]
More Questions: |