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Depression
My self esteem has been really low lately and, as a result, I am depressed. I've been going through depression on and off since about sixth or seventh grade. 15/f. Usually I can do something about it on my own, but all of my usual tactics aren't working anymore. I never cut or do anything to hurt myself. Often I find myself thinking about suicide, but I would never do it because I love my family too much and I'm also a Christian. Everything that used to be right in my life seems to have changed for the worst. I used to have a wonderful relationship with God, but something has changed, and I can't fix it. I used to also have a lot of confidence, and it helped me accomplish my goals, but now, as I said before, my self-esteem is really low, because I see my mistakes, I can't forget my failures, and it seems I can't escape my weaknesses. Well, I'm going to a new high school this year for my sophomore year, and for the first time in my life, I don't want to go. I'm afraid of what ppl will think of me and whether I will have any friends. I'm afraid to live life now, and I don't want to do it either. Please help. I don't want to be like this forever. I really don't want it to have to come to therapy and/or medication. My family doesn't need to know about it. I don't want to make a big deal about it. I just want to feel better, because I've been going through this for too long. Please help.
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Hey, thanks for writing.
Well I can make a lot of suggestions, but I am wondering if your depression may in fact be a chemical imbalance. You don't give me any reasons for feeling lousy, meaning that you seen to care about your family, and you don't want to die, and you have felt good in the past. I understand that you don't want to be on medication. That would also be my very last choice. I'd try lots of things before that. If it is a chemical imbalance, then I would recommend 2 things... (1.) working out, with weights. Join a gym class or YMCA and learn to lift weights. A hard work out releases endorphins into your blood stream that reach your brain, and make you feel better. I really works. I guess running would be a good option too, if you prefer. (2.) taking a natural sustance like St. John's Wort or Noni Juice or 5HTP, or even just taking a good multi vitamin will help your body to balance the 'imbalance', boost your immune system, and general make you feel better. And I don't mean One-A-Day's that you see advertise on TV. A good vitamin from a health food store, which would also have the other supplements I recommended.
Now barring a chemical imbalance.....if your low self-esteem is situational, then I would reommend you try these remedies...... How do you feel about yourself? Do you think you are lacking in some ways? I can tell you that that is your age. At 15 we are bombarded with media advertising that pictures all these beautiful, perfect, well dressed, kids all laughing, happy and with everything a person needs to be happy, i.e. cell phone, dvd players, mp3 players, ipod, latest styles, and colors and shoes and hair, etc, etc, etc. We see it on TV, in magazines, in school, at the mall. Your generation and your age bracket is the MOST TARGETED MARKETING GROUP (in the history of marketing) by all of the corporations out there that want yours or your parent's money. It is not by chance that you see so many kids on tv and in magazines looking like they are happy, it is by design. And most kids don't realize that they are being marketed to. They just look at these perfect kids in perfect clothes with the latest and greatest,and see that they don't measure up. They don't understand that it is lighting and makeup and take after take after take of a commercial of a kid talking on the cell, or eating at McDonalds, etc. etc. And believe me, at the end of the day, those kids are NOT SMILING. the other thing you need to remember is that those kids are being paid to look happy. So it is no wonder that so many kids think they don't measure up and worry about what other people (people their age) will think about them. Time to find some down to earth friends. There are billions of people in the world, not all of them are going to like you. You won't even meet all of them. But if you try, and keep looking, you will find people who will like you. Who cares about the ones who may not. A rejection by a person who doesn't not really know you, is not rejection at all. They can't reject YOU if they don't know you, and if they choose to avoid you because you don't dress like them, or have as much money, or are not blond, or on the cheerleading squad, who cares. There are so many other groups, and people just like yourself, who are down to earth and reasonable.
I know it is hard to be starting at a new school where you don't know anyone. As grown ups, most of us who had to go through it, will tell you it was the hardest thing they had to do in their young lives. It was traumatic. You can't help wondering if you will fit in. I do know this....Most of us adults, have wonderful lives, and the bad memories of the past are just that, bad memories. You can get there too, you just have to be sure to accomplish a few things.
here they are:
ONe. GET AN EDUCATION. Don't think of school as a place to make lasting friendships, or find your true and every lasting love. That does not happen for even the most popular and beautiful and confident people in high school.
TWO. DON"T GET PREGNANT OUT OF MARRIAGE. That is the first step to poverty. And will put the brakes on any hope of having control over your life in the future.
GO TO COLLEGE. That is where you will further your education, so that you have choices on what you will do, where you will live and how you will live inthe future. And COLLEGE is where you WILL make lasting friendships, and you may just meet the love of your life.
You are surrounded by kids your age going through the same things you are, with the same doubts, and fears. No one talks about it though. As adults, we mature, and number one, we stop being mean to each other. We stop being in groups that exclude other people, and we stop judging people. Most of us anyway. So I hope you can be patient and wait until the world catches up with you. YOu seem very mature for your age, and that probably goes against you with kids in your age group. You are ahead of your time, honey. Adulthood will be sooo much better. Please hang around for it.
Also, It is time to start "accomplishing" things again. You can start small, but start and complete a project or task. Do something really nice for someone, who wouldn't expect it.
Hang with adults for a while they are usually happy for the company. They look at young people like yourself, and each one of them has a fleeting wish......."boy I wish I could trade places..."
You will understand when you are older.
Here is my final piece of advice.
God's side of your relationship is not broken, you can renew it any time you like, when you are ready. It is dissapointing to find out that the world is not such a pretty place. It's like when you are a kid, they tell you, believe in GOd, follow the commandements, and everything will be ok. You'll be blessed, God loves you. yadda, yadda, yadda. Then you find out about people killing people, hating people for not good reason, kids starving, bombs, wars, etc, and you say, well why don't these people just believe in GOd, and everything will be alright, then you realize that they got the same info you did as a child, how come it is not working....why is life so hard, and so bad for some people.....
Well, I do believe in GOd, but man, not GOd, wrote the Bible, Man can make mistakes, and in fact does. I am not sorry for all that I learned about GOd and Jesus and Christianity. And I know that it has an influence over my life and how I live it. But I think that somehow man's interpretation of what God expects of us, got really messed up. So I keep a direct channel to God and skip over man as a go between.
I hope I made myself clear. I also hope that this helps. I know it is a lot. But I do understand how you feel. BY they way, I am one person who does NOT want to change places with a 15 year old. I remember how awful it was and how I doubted myself all the time, just like you are. With age comes confidence.I love being an adult and having responsibility and the ability to make my own choices in life. You are going to love it too. So hang in there. WRite again if you like.
Thanks for asking me a question
Michele
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