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help...
hi,ive looked at your column and you give such good advice...well i have a column of my own, but i really would like your advice.Well, im 15/female and im dealing through alot.ive never really been the popular one one so i got started to get got up on drugs and alcohal, and now everyone likes since ive gotten up to highscool, i guess now i am lil miss popular since ive started to take care of myself and got my braces off,im beautiful(not to be conceded)but now i love the way i look. but now im dealing with quitting pot and it is so hard,the alcohal thing isnt a big deall to me but the pot is, i havent smoked it for 3 weeks but b4 that i smoked it everyday...and now it is getiing to me and im really craving it but it has already fucked up my life so much and my friends arent making it any better, they doubt me and tease me and shit and they are all potheads, ive tried smoking ciggarettes and i like the feeling in my lungs but i jus dont get a high feeling i get a buzzed feeling where im dizzy an dthat is nothing, i guess i like the high cuz i forget my problems but after the high i get more problems...and i have no clue what to do and your advice would be very appreciated.thanx much and love always...
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i ahve tried to answer this question 5 times already. literally. and my computer messes up everytime i hit submit. so if u re send it to me ill answer it again. just want to make sure it will let me answer here. so yeah sorry about that.
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I haven't been doing this long, but this is the hardest thing I've had to write yet.
You see, I've never smoked pot. So I don't know what it's like from the inside, if you know what I mean. And I think that it's really important that I get this *right*, because right now you have so much ahead of you, and maybe I can help a little bit.
My wife used to smoke pot a lot, so I talked to her about it. And I've thought about it a lot. So this is the best that I can do.
First, you'll need to start work on finding new friends. As long as you're stuck with the old crowd, you're going to have a serious problem not getting high - maybe not IMPOSSIBLE, but you'd be making it incredibly hard on yourself. It would be like running a marathon with a hundred-pound weight on your back; you might finish the race, but it would be a lot less likely, and MUCH more painful.
But don't dump all your friends immediately unless they're really making you miserable.That could lead to problems for two reasons: one is that you'd be lonely, and stressed out, and that's hard to deal with. Another is that your friends might get mad (which is natural, in a way), and try to pull you back into that scene.
So I'd suggest starting out by widening your circle of friends. You might look for things you like to do, and spend a little time hanging out with the crowd that likes to do that stuff. Over time, hang out with the new group (or groups) more, and the old group less.
It's great that you love the way you look now! That's a huge step towards valuing yourself as a person, and it's not conceited at all - not as long as you don't think your looks make you *better* than other people who aren't as lucky as you are.
But once you value yourself as a person - not just for your looks, but for your mind, for *who you are* - you're much less likely to be tempted to get high. The functioning of your mind is an incredible thing, and when you realize that pot can damage not just your brain, but your thoughts - your actual *self* - I think you'll be very unlikely to be really tempted again by pot.
Or by anything else, for that matter! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but alcohol does more damage to people all over the world than pot ever did. Physically, it's much more harmful. I'm not saying *never* drink - not at all - but you need to be careful; by getting kind of hooked on pot, your body and mind have given you a warning that it might not be hard to get addicted to other things. Listen to that warning; it's valuable.
Here's a link to Google's sites about teens and pot: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And I'm sure you know about tobacco. It's almost corny to say it, but there's no way to avoid the fact that it causes cancer and heart disease. I don't know if you've ever seen either of those up close, but cancer in particular is really horrible. I can't imagine a worse way of dying.
But at 15, that probably doesn't mean much to you. Most 15-year-olds simply CAN'T believe that they will ever "really" die. Or rather, you know it, but you can't *feel* it in your heart. That's natural.
But you'll learn differently; I'm sorry, because that sounds depressing, but it's true. And when that time comes, if you've already put yourself far along a path of drugs or alcoholism or tobacco, you'll probably hate your 15-year-old self for putting you there.
I hope this isn't as depressing for you to read as it is for me to write.
There's one other thing I have to say: you're proud of your looks now, and (I'm sure) rightfully so. Have you ever looked at someone in their 20s or 30s who is heavily into drugs, or alcohol, or smoking? They look TERRIBLE. The truth is that all that stuff isn't just bad for your health. It makes your skin, eyes, teeth, and hair look worse - and after a while, a LOT worse. I've seen quite a few leathery-skinned women that you'd swear were 50. They were actually in their 20s. But they were heavy smokers and drinkers.
And it may seem that 30 is a lifetime away. But here's something that you might have already heard: as you get older, time *speeds up*. Incredibly. The time between 15 and 30 is NOT the same length as the time between 0 and 15. It goes by much more quickly, and the rate keeps increasing.
You've probably experienced that for yourself, if you think about it. When you were little, I'll bet that it seemed like forever between birthday parties, or Halloweens, or other big holidays. But your last few birthdays have seemed a lot closer together, right? Please take my word for it - time will pass MORE quickly, not less. 30 is sooner than you think it is.
Okay, now comes the more positive stuff.
First of all, the craving is almost certainly not going to last. Pot is not as physically addictive as tobacco, you know. In fact, the primary way in which it addicts is precisely what you said: it helps you forget your problems for a little while. That's mental addiction, and it's tough, but not as hard to deal with as physical addiction.
If your problems are bothering you that much, there are definitely resources out there for you - more right now than there will be in a few years, when you're older. If you can talk to your parents about things that are bothering you, great. Many kids can't do that (I couldn't), but there are sympathetic teachers, school counselors, perhaps clergy...if your problems are serious enough, you could even talk to your parents about arranging for you to see a therapist - which, I have to say, is absolutely *nothing* to be embarrassed about.
In any case, that will help you really *work* on your problems, work on ways to deal with them and end them. Pot and alcohol just temporarily dull your *awareness* of your problems, and end up making them worse in the long run.
But my gut feeling is that you're pretty smart and capable. I think that you're going to be able to handle your problems; maybe with help, maybe without, but either way, you'll make it work.
(But TAKE help if you think you might need it. That's better than not taking it, and realizing too late that you DID need it.)
I really wish you the best of luck. There are a lot of years between you and me, but let me tell you something that I would tell my 15-year-old self, if I had a time machine: Time is the one gift that you can never replace. Make every moment of it count. And value yourself, because you're the only one of *you* in the world - and the only one that there will ever be.
This is YOUR life. Please make it the best one possible. For your own sake, and for everyone else's.
You really can do it, you know. Good luck.
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