|
humorist-workshop
ex-friends ?
In the beginning of the year, I met this girl that went to my school, but we were never really friends until in September of last year. Well, this girl, Monique*, is best friends with my second best friend, Amber*. Amber told me that she hates Monique, and that she only pretends to be her friend. Well, Monique is a TERRIBLE friend. Monique thinks we are friends, but I never know when she is mad at me, or when she wants to be friends. She often wants to get together with me, so I say, "Yes," because I don't want us to be in a fight. Well, the other day, Monique invited me to her house. And, feeling tremendous guilt, we promised we wouldn't tell Amber that we got together today. [ Both Monique and Amber get angry whenever the other one hangs out with someone else without telling them, but Monique gets more angry. Amber seems to mind, but isn't that angry about it. ] We had an OK time. Or, at least I did. Then, the phone rang, and Monique's mom picked upt he phone. It was Amber! Monique's mother had told Amber that I was over, and that she can comeover, too. As angry as Monique was, she decided to just ignore it, and get through the day as quickly as possible. Monique was being really mean to Amber. Monique's younger sister, being only eight years old, was not mature enough for the language that I was unintentionally speaking. Monique was getting very irate. I felt bad, and said I couldn't help it. Amber was being a little mean to me, too. Often, Amber would flash me looks like, "Ugh" (Rolling her eyes) about Monique. Monique would do the same thing. Amber told everyone that her mom would be so angry, because she said she had to be home by 6:00PM, when it was now 6:30PM. The phone rang, and it was Amber's mom. Monique answered the phone and said that her mom was SO mad at her! Amber was hurt, because she knew that her mom wouldn't care. She quickly left, angrily. And I felt aweful. Later, when I talked to Amber, she told me that her mom told her that she asked Monique if Amber was coming home (She lives right down the street from Monique, so she can walk) and that she didn't scream or sound angry. Yesterday, I put up an away message that said, "Went out...Amber - (I wrote an inside joke here) Monique & Amber - great times yesterday!" Monique OBVIOUSLY said something back to it, so she said, "Nice away. Amber was over for like two minutes!" Angrily. Amber, being closer to me than Monique, told me that Monique was talking to her about my away message. Monique said, "ew... (puts the inside joke here)? she thinks she's soo cool when she has like two friends". Monique often talks bad about me, but here is my problem. I think Amber is angry at me. I don't feel like I can trust her anymore. We used to be so close, but Amber later told me she was not angry at Monique anymore! I was so enraged. I don't not want to be friends with Monique, for the fear she will spread aweful rumors about me, but I do not want to put up with her AMAZING friendship skills! I try to ignore her, I even got a new screen name because of her (If I try to block her, she makes a new screen name, IMs me, and says, "wow, thanks (my name here) for blocking me" and signs off. I don't want to get her mad. Can you please give me some advice on how to approach Amber about Monique, and how I should be acquantances with Monique? Thank you very much. I have never been this detailed with my problem. * = Named Changed
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Wow! You sure were detailed. I almost felt like I was reading a chapter to a teenage book. Basically, in a nutshell, the first thing you have to realize is that girls will be girls and there's always going to be drama. There's pretty much nothing you do to keep it from going away all the time. You can however try to be proactive and prevent it or speak your mind about how you feel on the situation (to them) so they know what's going on. I know, it may be hard and cause more drama, but the least you can do is try. If I were in this position, I would call up both Monque and Amber* and find a place where the three of you can all talk. Maybe like a park or something? Just be really open and honest and explain to them exactly how you are feeling about the friendship dilema. Make sure to key in on the things that upset you the most and make it very aware to them how it upsets you. Tell them about how you don't want all this drama and bitterness. Explain that you want to all be able to trust each other, live, laugh, and love together. You need to tell Amber WHY you feel like you can't trust her. You also need to try to tell them each about how it makes you feel in the middle when they both get angry, or even one more so than the other. Your friends are suppose to be there for you always. Now, I am not saying they are going to grow up to be your bridesmaids, but teens need their friends. It makes a world of difference in the growing-up process. I think you should also tell them that you'd like to spend time with the each of them individual and really have some good one-on-one time together. The key to all of this is to be real, honest, and sincere. If your friends don't take to this well and don't change or at least start trying to change, show them that you aren't going to take it. You've spoke your mind now the ball is in their court. School will be starting up again, so there will be plenty of oppurtunities for you to make better friends with even more people, so use that. You should never doing anything you don't want to. Who you want to be friends with is your choice. Monique and Amber* (after you all 3 sitting down) should and probably will, realize some kind of change needs to take place and will grow to be better friends to each other, and you. If they don't, you've done all you can. Don't surround yourself with drama and stress though over what you really can't control. Live. In the end, things will work out how they are supposed to..and I know that sounds cliche, but they always do. :)
]
More Questions: |