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Hey Mandee this is my first time writing to you but i heard your advice is really good so here is my question: My friend is 13 going on 14 and has a boyfriend that is 17. I am kinda worried about her ( you know thinking about rape and abuse). The only person that knows about her relationship is her friends and her favorite teacher ( not her parents)Am I over reacting by worring about her or should do something about it? I mean she has her head on straight and i have met the guy he seems nice but i am still worried. Please help!
~ distressed sista~
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hey! Thanks for writing to me! I'm glad you did. Sorry it's a day late, I just got back from a trip. Anyways...
I see why you're worried and apprehensive about her relationship. And because he's older, I understand your concerns with that too. But you need to realize that she's going to go out with plenty of guys and they're all going to be different in age. And you probably will be too. There's a certain point when you need to step in and do something, and you've got to know when the time is right. Only try and break up the relationship if you witnessed or heard her telling you that he seriously abused her. If he gets too overprotective to the point that he controls her life, then you need to talk to her about it. If she wants help, but is afraid that's where you need to step in.
However, you said that you met the guy and he seems nice. I wouldn't judge him right away. Not until you know him well enough to determine whether or not he's going to cause trouble. And if he turns out that way, you need to first talk to her. Let her build up a relationship with him, give her the opportunity to get to know him. And you should get to know him too, that way you can put yourself at ease and not worry so much about it. :)
You seem like such a great friend, and your concern for her proves that! I'm not saying that you shouldn't give your input on him and just wait, rather that you should talk to your friend and tell her that you're worried about this guy..but you want to get to know him and in time you'll probably accept it more. Just let her know you're worried, but you still support her decisions. Only if you want to do that though. By letting her know you're worried about it, she might start thinking that she should watch out too. Let me know if you need anything else, or have a question on something!
Love,
Mandee
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