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Jacey again- another problem
I don't know if you've ever been to Texas, but it's hot as hell down here. It's probably as close to Hell as you can get without burning up. (Unless you don't put on sunscreen.) :)
- I was going to go with my best friends to the Green Day consert in Tulsa On saterday for my birthday and my mom tells me I can't go. She didn't tell me why she just said no. So i called up my firneds and told them and now they're all pissed off. Then I finally got an answer out of my mom. She said "I don't want you to do anything this year." I asked why and she said becuase it was my first birthday without my brother. And I thought he was ruining my life when he was alive. Why do people keep dragging him into things. It's not my fault he's dead so why am I getting punished for it?
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Whoa! Jacey, that really sucks. ABout green day I mean, not about it being hot. Don't ask me 'cause I'll never come to Texas, and that is exactly why.
I can't believe your mom is doing this.
She is going to regret it some day. Let me ask you this.....would she have let you go to Green Day if not for the death of your brother? I am going to assume yes, and give it my best shot.
I think we need to take a different road here, and try and resolve this before it gets worse. I don't know if you have tried this already, I hope not if you have, then well I'll do some more thinking. I do believe that there is an answer.
YOur mom needs to have her feelings validated. BY that I mean that she needs to know that the GOD AWFUL way that she feels is normal under the circumstances, and EVERYONE NEEDS TO FEEL THE SAME WAY. THE WHOLE WORLD. And really, Jacey, that is how people feel when they loose a child or a spouse. How can the world be continuing on, when I want to die! So if you were acting just like your mom about your brother's death, she would feel a lot better. Notice I said SHE not you. Maybe if you could sit her down, or sit down with her, and start a conversation, and DON'T PUT HER ON THE DEFENSIVE BY CRITICISING! And say something like, Mom, I think I know how you feel, you must be very sad, I am sad also, but you know what, I'm more MAD than sad. Aren't you mad? Mom, aren't you mad at God? ARen't you mad at Bryson? Aren't you mad at the world? Because I don't understand my feelings, can you explain them to me? Say things like: Why does everything seem normal, when so much has changed? This seem surreal to me. Do you feel that way too? Tell her that there is not a day that goes by that you don't think of him.
THis puts her in a position to
1. be a mom
2. help you understand
3. get a dialogue going between the two of you.
4. and remind her that you do think of your brother.
NOw don't force the issue, and don't make it a long conversation. 10 minutes is good. But if it goes well, talk to her again the next day.,
Jacey, please understand, I am not asking you to be phoney. Because I am sure that all of these things have gone through your mind. . Can you just imagine how your mom must feel? She lost a son. Children ARE NOT supposed to die before their parents. It is an unspoken rule in America. Shoot, especially Texas. Should I say
AMERRKA! LIke Bush.
I think you and your mom have become disconnected. You need to connect again. She can't do it, you have to do it. She is lost. I empathize with her. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
ONce you two are talking again, I think she will let you go to the concert.
Jayce I really hope this helps. NOt for your sake, so much, because you are still going to be the person that you are whether you go to the concert or not. YOu will grow up and have a good life because you are a sensible person. But having some empathy for your mom, may help her to get out of this low place that she is in. She needs to get on with life also. Can you get on with yours and leave her behind? I think not. Help her. And you will help yourself. Helping people deal with death is one of the most selfless things you can do. YOu can do this Jacey, be patient, be kind and put yourself in her shoes. It's not forever, it's for your mom.
I hope this makes sens to you.
Talk to you soon.
Michele
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