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i'm dating this guy right now and he's my first real relationship so i've never kissed before and i'm not sure if i know how or not what if i totally screw up if or when we kiss or something? how can i make sure that i don't? because the person has kissed other people before so he probably knows what he's doing but like what if i drool on him or something????
--paranoid
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i found some stuff on VirtualKiss.com, and i pasted it on below.
Kissing 101 is intended to give a brief rundown of the various issues involved with kissing, coupled with what is (hopefully!) some good advice. This is not the be-all and end-all of kissing manuals... this is just an introduction. Remember, there are no RULES to kissing. Keep what you like, ignore what you don't. But also remember that kissing isn't just about YOU... it's about YOU TWO.
As you read through these 'lessons,' please keep in mind that there are no hard and fast rules regarding kissing. Kissing is about as personal a pastime as there is, and hence each person will have their own style, philosophies, and 'moves.' At the same time, kissing is an EXERCISE IN COMPROMISE. Any kisser who is unwilling to adjust to their partner is... well... not a very good kisser. Good kissing is all about finding middle ground (and the negotiations can be a heck of a lot of fun!) No one is a good kisser by themselves... kissing requires cooperation and teamwork from BOTH PEOPLE. As soon as you forget that, you risk falling to the DARK SIDE OF KISSING.
Setting and situation also have a great deal to do with successful kissing, and adjustments must be made in regards to these important elements. Only YOU can judge the various external and internal factors which affect what kind of kissing you are doing. Ignore them at your own risk... for a good kisser takes EVERYTHING into consideration.
The best thing to remember when starting to kiss is to keep things simple. There is really no need to get carried away with strange and exotic techniques, nibbling, biting, groping, etc. etc. etc., especially when you're just starting out. A kiss is generally great no matter how basic, and everything else just adds things that can go wrong. Of course, everything else definitely has its place (and how!)... but it's really best to START SIMPLE
Talking about simple... where else to start than... The Lips! The most basic element of any kiss, in fact vital and inseparable from the act itself. There is no kissing without lips (ask your local chickens), so don't neglect them! On a physical level, take care of your lips. Chapped lips (while a great Custom E-kiss) are no fun at all to kiss. The same goes for rough, scabbed, or otherwise poor condition lips. Most of these conditions can be avoided through the use of a simple lip balm... find one that suits your preferences. Depending on what you like, you can get different flavors, varying degrees of healing and therapy, SPF (sunscreen) protection... the choices are endless.
Use your chosen balm regularly, not just when you are expecting some kissing... it's just a good idea to take care of yourself. Also, try to avoid applying balm directly before kissing... slimy lips can be a turn off. Just make sure it's all absorbed before getting down to business... and your lips will be soft, supple, and oh-so-kissable.
Once your lips are kissable, and you are in fact kissing... you still can't neglect them! The lips are the most basic and important element of kissing, and should be used to the best of their ability. Concentrate on feeling the friction between your lips, how your lips match up, and how you're moving them. This oft-overlooked element can add some real zing to your kissing. Just try to remember that the tongue is not the be-all and end-all of kissing... DON'T NEGLECT YOUR LIPS!
Lots of great kisses are, in fact, all lips. Ever since the French pulled a Microsoft on the kissing market, tongues have gotten all the attention. Many terrible kissing experiences are a direct result of this over-reliance (and unskilled use of) the tongue. Certainly the tongue is important to kissing... after all, what beats a really good deep french kiss? But tongue use is something best eased into... and can easily be overdone. Even really good tongue kisses can benefit from some variety... usually of the lip-centered kind. Take a break from tongue lashing to nibble, caress, lick, and gently explore your partner's lips. Notice how good they feel against yours, and try different things to make them feel even better. Your lips the building blocks of great kissing... use them wisely (and often!)
Kissing Exercise: Spend part or all of a kissing session concentrating on just your lips... no tongues allowed. Slowly slide your lips together, enjoying the subtle feeling of each other's skin. Lick, nibble, kiss each other's mouths... go slow, and really enjoy the sensations. This exercise should make you more aware of your lips, and will add a new layer to your kissing experience.
This aspect of kissing focuses on the age-old debate: What do I look at? Eyes open or closed? Do I look like a fish? I want to see if they are enjoying themselves... are they enjoying themselves? And on and on.
Sadly, we can't really give you a definitive answer on this one. We do find it best to keep your eyes open at least while 'going in' for the kiss, to avoid unpleasant collisions or total misses. Though you can often play these off with lines like "No baby, I really meant to kiss your eyebrow" it's generally best to at least try to hit the lips. Once engaged, however, general decorum usually calls for closed eyes, at least for starters. You may find that eyes closed really helps you concentrate on other things, like the kiss itself (see Mindset).
Eyes open is also a very viable option, however, and should not be dismissed out of hand. Open eyes may just be a way to sneak a peek at your kissing partner, whether to gauge their reaction, reassure yourself that yes, they really ARE that good looking, or any other reconnaissance. Eyes full open can also be intense, in sort of a spiritual connection, windows-to-the-soul sorta way. Like every other aspect of kissing, you'll have to find your own style... but for starters, eyes closed generally helps with precision and concentration, two of the most important aspects for new kissers.
Head movement is definitely one of the more subtle aspects of successful kissing, but it can really add a great deal to the experience. Coordinating all the different moving parts of a kiss can seem pretty overwhelming, and it may help to you only think about one at a time. However, a really good kisser manages to get everything moving at the same time (lips, tongue, head, teeth) without any seeming effort. Each of these aspects should complement each other, allowing the kiss to be playful or passionate, coy or demanding, silly or serious at a moment's notice.
Of course, like everything else, moderation is generally the key to success. Frantic head bobbing will only frighten and confuse your partner, which can lead to an unsuccessful kissing experience. Likewise, anyone who's ever seen an After-School Special can recognize the "I'm a really sensual guy who's really into this kiss so let's have sex now" overdone head movement... usually directly followed by a clumsy breast-grope. This just looks silly, and it breaks one of our cardinal rules of kissing: Kiss for the moment, not for what may come next.
The best idea is generally keep movements constrained, especially at the beginning of a kiss (or the beginning of your kissing career)... a little can go a long way. Remember, everything should work together like a symphony, with you as the conductor. Coordination is the key.
Once into the kiss, the proper mindset has a lot to do with successful kissing. Too often, the mind starts racing ahead, wondering where the kiss is leading, worrying if everything is going right, and basically messing things up. The single most important thing to remember is to ENJOY THE KISS. This is what it's all about... the simplest and greatest of pleasures, the soft friction, the tender wetness... kissing is great. Possibly the greatest. So enjoy it.
The best way to quiet the chattering brain is to simply concentrate on the moment of the kiss. Really feel what your mouths, lips, tongues, and bodies are doing. Kiss as if there is no moment outside of this, there are no people outside of the 2 of you. Trust us, your partner will be able to tell if you are really concentrating, and will appreciate it even if they aren't aware. Of course, kissing doesn't generally require the level of concentration necessary to bend spoons for example, and your partner may take that furrowed brow and bulging eyes as a sign you're not totally enjoying yourself. By concentration we mean really be INTO the kiss... don't be thinking about a lot of other stuff. Odds are, you've invested a lot of time and effort to get to this point... so ENJOY IT! Don't miss the moment... savor it.
Once you're really into a kiss, you're probably already working toward that middle ground. Depending on how they kiss, the situation, how you kiss, etc., there are lots of factors going on. Just work on adjusting yourself a bit to fit to their style, while helping them adjust to yours. Lead by example... heck, the braver amongst us could just tell their partner what they like (just be sure to do it in a positive manner, or you could really ruin the mood.) Do what you like, and if you like something, let them know it (see Feedback). If you don't reward the good and discourage the bad, how will they ever learn?
Kissing Exercise: One good way to help yourselves concentrate on the kiss is to try to read each other's thoughts (and not in a neurotic, annoying way) while kissing. Really try to see into your partner's mind, and attempt to make a connection. Don't necessarily expect to pick up images of the dog they had when they were three years old, but rather use this as a way to really concentrate on your partner. And the kiss.
We can't possible stress enough the importance of feedback... both giving and receiving. Feedback will allow you to adjust your kissing to find that optimal middle ground that we're shooting for. Basically, all we're looking for is a little communication... usually non-verbal, since your lips and (probably) tongue are busy doing other things. As we all know, communication is VITAL to any relationship... and this certainly applies to the relationship formed when kissing. Give and take are important, so PAY ATTENTION.
It is the responsibility of both kissing partners to give and receive feedback during the course of a kiss. This could be changes in breathing (panting, deep breathes, gentle whispers), small noises (moans, sighs, groans), or any other way to let your partner they are doing something right... or wrong, for that matter. This can be a tricky area, since you should be nice and relaxed, really into the kiss, and yet able to interpret what your partner is telling you. When you are relaxed and enjoying the kissing, it's generally best to let your small noises, panting, etc. happen as it may. We certainly are not saying to make up feelings that aren't there in the first place, but by all means don't hold back with those that are! As always, adjust this advice according to setting and situation.
Picking up and interpreting your partner's feedback is just as important as being free with your own. If their breathing changes, they make contented little sighs, or anything that sounds encouraging, be aware of what you're doing at that time and either do it more or come back to it. If they happen to turn a light shade of blue and all panting ceases, then it might be time to ease off and allow some of what we call "breathing time." Kissing is for the both of you... which means you've got to do at least as much to please your partner as to please yourself. It's a tricky balance of giving and accepting pleasure... but with practice (especially with that special someone) it will become easier and easier.
Kissing, as with most mouth-related pasttimes, can be a water sport. Saliva is obviously inseparable from the mouth, so you've gotta learn to deal with it. And like many other aspects of kissing, spit control treads a fine line between ecstasy and awfulness. The one issue that comes up repeatedly on accounts of bad kisses is saliva control... or lack thereof. So get ahold of your spit!
A good kiss should definitely be a little moist... nothing grows in the desert! An of course, if you're using your tongue at all, the kiss WILL be somewhat wet. This is fine. The trouble lies when "a little" turns into "a torrent." Very few people like to be doused with drool... especially early on in the kissing experience. So start fairly dry, getting a bit wetter as the kiss progresses. If you feel like there's entirely too much drool happening, just swallow some of it. Yes, you will swallow some of your partner's saliva. Sorry, but that's all part of kissing. A good trick is to work swallowing in with breathing... periodically take a 'breathe break,' and use the opportunity to do away with any excess spit. If you're really smooth, you can do it without even breaking stride... it just takes a little practice.
Runaway drool is one thing, but licking all over someone's face is entirely another. We know VERY FEW people who like to be face licked... and this rude imposition also rates very highly in our 'Worst Kiss Stories' elements of a bad kiss. Unless you KNOW your partner likes a face-bath, restrain your tongue to the mouth/lips region. Licking during kissing, when done well, will cement your place among the "WOW!" kissers of all time... done poorly, it'll get you thrown on the kissing trash-heap lickety-split (or lickety-SPIT, as the case may be).
So... be aware of your saliva. It is your friend. If things get too wet, dry them out a bit. Too dry, and you'll have to moisten them up. It's a fine line indeed... but one that comes with practice. As in all things, moderation is the key.
The tempo, or 'speed' of a kiss can greatly affect the overall character of the kiss. From intense need to slow enjoyment, it's all dictated by tempo. Generally speaking, the slower a kiss, the more romantic it is, while faster kisses tend to be more passionate. Changing tempo is vital aspect of good kissing... changing tempo smoothly and appropriately is a sign of a GOOD KISSER.
When starting a kiss, the rule of thumb is to start slow. This just makes sense, and it lets everyone get used to the dynamics of that particular kiss. A slow start is a good introduction... and sometimes the kiss should just stay slow. Jumping into rapid tongue maneuvers can scare your partner, and is rude to boot. Athletes always warm up before moving onto serious play... why should kissing be any different?
As the kiss gains intensity, though, the tempo should generally increase. This increase should be fairly gradual, and correspond to your partner's feedback. If they are obviously enjoying it, and seem to want to accelerate the whole experience, then up the tempo! Kiss a bit harder and faster, use your tongue a little more assertively... all the time gauging your partner's response. If they respond in kind, then you're on the right track.
A very important thing to learn about kissing tempo is that variety is the spice of life. Kisses that stay the same speed throughout get boring (if you can believe a boring kiss!)... so keep things interesting. If you've got a fast a furious kiss going on, don't be afraid to slow it down a bit. Gently lick or nibble your partner's lips, kiss the corners of their mouth, or just gently brush your lips together. Once things are slow, speed them back up! The contrast is the important thing... tender kisses seem even more tender if they immediately follow a good tonsil lashing, and vice versa. Be careful not to go overboard with speed changes, but don't be afraid of them either. Variety IS the spice of life... and the spice of kissing as well.
and these are just the basic of this cute site. look it up: VirtualKiss.com
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What i did was looked up kissing tips on google! IT HELPS!!! if your hearts in the kiss you'll do it perfectly, No worries! If hes a nice guy, a little drool will brign up convorsation later on in the realtionship!
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Hey hun settle down!! It's ALRIGHT to be scared! Just lean in and take it slow and dont constantly think about it! And you WILL NOT Drool!! LOL let him give in a little then do it... once you feel confy and if your not then just stop! He'll understand.. if he doesn't understand.. than he is a JERK!
!LIZ! : ) Hoped i helped!!!
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Calm down hun.. i thought all the same things i had my first kiss from a guy at 15 just go with what he does after the first time you'll know what your comfortable with maybe swllow spit before kissing him so you dont have to worry about the drooling thing.. just dont freak out about the whole thing you'll do alright.. ♥ Nikki
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paranoid,
dont worry about the drooling part just make sure ur lips are locked tight, but make sure he makes the first move and follow him its not as hard as it seems n really u dotn have to learn it actaully comes naturaly n youll relaize that during your first kiss
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