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Hi my name is John I asked a question on this site and someone told me that you would probably be able to give the best answer. So I would like to ask you it.
Ok well recently my father died. He was the only one taking care of me and my sister Sarah(6). Well since he died I've been taking care of her. My guidence counselor at my school has been very supportive and has helped me any way he could. He told me that because things have been getting harder I should try giving the state custody of her. He said that she could end up in a really nice foster home that will eventually adopt her. I don't know much about how that works or anything about it so I've been asking people what they think about it. I love my sister more than anything and I just want to do what's best for her. I've been trying so hard and I will continue to scrape up any money I can if that will keep her safer than going to a foster home. I just want to know what would give her a better life. What do you think about foster homes? Would she be safe or is she better off with me?
John...oh yeah I'm 16 if that helps at all.
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Dear John,
I am very sorry for your loss. You and your sister must be under a lot of pressure. I know that it is hard. But I don't recommend foster care. Yes there are good foster homes, but once you turn her over to the state, you have very little say on what foster home she goes into. And some of them are just awful. And some kids get shuffled around from home to home. And I would never believe anything the state told me. After all they are the one who put kids in bad foster homes, Too many people are just in it for the money. Is there any way you can continue to take care of her. I know it's hard but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I have no idea where you live or what state. But could you maybe put an add in the paper for a live in nanny. Someone who would help out in exchange for room and board. Then she could work while you guys are in school so she could make money for ther other things she may need. How are you managing for money. What are you guys living on. If money is a problem, meaning there isn't any, or enough to pay the bills, then you may have to put your sister in foster care, but then what heppens to you. Where do would you go. There is no in in that town willing to take the two of you in? DId your father own the home that you live in? There are so many things that have to be taken into consideration. John, I want to help, but I need a little more information. Can you at least tell me what state you live in and what is your financial situation. It is important that you finish school, and that your sister attend school also. But I also think it is important that you two stay together. She lost her dad, it would be devastating to her to loose you to. There may be a perfect solution out there, a really good foster home, nearby, where by you can still see her, and maybe they will adopt her. But how do you make sure that you have some say in the matter. How do you make sure that you get to interview the family. I don't know if that is possible. You know, Catholic Charities helps put children in to adoptive homes. I know here in Connecticut they have waiting lists for young kids to adopt. Is there a catholic charities in your city? Look in the phone book, or call the closest catholic church. Ask them how to get in touch with catholic charities. When you talk to them,you can tell them what happened without revealing who you are, get some info first. LIke will you be able to interview the family. And when you do, find out if the family will let you stay in touch with your sister. I hope this will help you. The more I think about it, unless your father left you guys a lot of money, I don't see how you can continue to take care of your sister and yourself. Two cannot live a cheaply as one. Not when only one can work, and then only part time, and for not very much money. The main thing is to have some say in where your sister goes. Don't just hand her over to the state. Those State agencies loose kids all the time. Some of the kids who write to me on this site have been in foster care, and they have horror stories to tell. Please let me know what goes on I will do all that I can to help and advise you.
Michele
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