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lost
Hey it's Sam. You prob. don't remember me but I wrote to you before about all my "families" and how I was going to try and get to my friends. Well anyways even if you don't it doesn't really matter...but when I was going to my friend's I met a bunch of kids who were doing the same shit I've been doing. We had like this hang out where kids would just show up use and then leave. It was great. But then things started to get bad. At first I loved it but then I started to think about it. I called my friend to let her know I was ok but I think I just scared her. Well I tried to stay in touch with her but I needed to sell the phone for drug money. Things just kept getting worse there so I ran away. I feel like a coward all I seem to do is run. Well I ran and now I'm here and It's better than the other place. Me and a few other girls are here we get all the drugs we want and sometimes we have access to the phone and the computer (obviously)but we have to work. I feel so dirty. I feel like I don't want to do this anymore but I don't know what else to do. I've thought about calling my friend but I don't know if she would even want to be my friend anymore after all the things I've done. I wouldn't blame her I wouldn't take me back. I just feel so confused. I ran away to get away from guys who beat me and violate me and now I'm doing it for money. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I don't want to be doing this but for some reason I just seem to escape it. Do you have any idea what's wrong with me? I'm so lost. I know that it's my fault that I'm here and I brought this on myself but is there any way that I could make it stop. I think that if I knew exactly what to do I could do it. I just feel like there's nothing in front of me and I'll be stuck doing things that I hate and that I'm afraid to do forever. I know you recommended those house things do you think they would really help me even though I've done all those horrible things? I mean I'm really screwed up. I don't even know what day or time it is hald the time. I'm so afriad to keep living and I don't want to be anymore. I want help but I'm afraid to get it. I'm afriad of what will happen if I try to get help and fail or even if I succeed. I feel so out of place. I'm here with 3 other girls. I'm the youngest one here I'm 14 now and I don't even remember my birthday. Do you think that my friend would take me back or that place would take me in? Please help me I really don't know what to do. Thank you for your help.
Sam
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
HI Sam,
Of course I remember you. And I am glad that you took the time to write to me even though your time on the computer is limited. I do hope you get to read my answer. YOu may be surprised to know that your friend Lauren wrote to me also. She told me about the phone call that you made. Sam, Lauren is very worried about you and I KNOW that she would take you in. But I'll deal with that later. I understand why you are there. You had to go somewhere and these people were willing to take you in and provide you with what you need, food and shelter. I a glad that there are some othe girls there for you to be with. But you are right in thinking that this option is not a permanent one and the longer you stay, the longer will be your climb out. It is not too, late, it is never too late, it will just become harder. DOn't make it harder on yourself. YES< YES<YES< I know that Covenant House will take you in. What do you think happens to girls that are lost like you are. Still a child, and no where to turn. If there weren't place for them to go, we would find them dead on the street, and it would be in the news. But that doesn't happen. And Why, because of convenant house, and places like it. Not only with they take you will, then WON'T JUDGE YOU. Or what you have done, or will do. They understand. They are as nice as I am, and are just as concerned about kids like you. They take in girls and boys. They will help you get clean, they will provide the food and shelter without your having to do anything in return. Except things that will get you to stand on your own two feet. Like attend meetings. Do you chores there. Go to school there, you can live there. Yes there are rules, but the rules are there for your benefit and the benefits of the other residents. Who are kids just like you. Again I have to emphasize here. Your parents are to blame for what you are doing to yourself. Do you think girls that were raised in loving homes with parents who cared about them, were interested in their lives and encouraged them by being there for them, are as lost as you are. NO, they are not. You are not a bad person. The person you hurt the most is yourself Because your parents message to you was that you are not valuable. Well they are wrong. They are the ones that have no value. Oh,maybe they were raised the same way, but that is not excuse. I was too, but I broke the cycle. I did not want that for my kids.So I didnot raise them like I was raised. And if I can do it, you can do it. It is not like you can make up your mind not to do drugs anymore, because you are emotionally and physically addicted to them. But you can make up your mind to take better care of your self. Make up your mind that you worth, and are worth someones time and concern. And you will find someone like that at the Covenant House.
I understand that you are in Maryland, or maybe in Maryland. Well there is a COvenant House in Washington DC. I think your friend Lauren and her mom, who is also concerned about you, might be willing to take you there. I think, I am not sure, but I suggested it, when she asked me what I thought she should do if they should find you. Yes they are looking for you. They have not had any luck. But you know where they are. I think you should call them. They are really worried about you.
But I do want to say this about your friend lauren and her mom. I know that they want to help you and I know it will seem like a good idea to you, and while I do want you to call them so you can get out of the situation that you are in. I don't think you should stay there for long, no matter how convenient is may seem to be, or easy for you. And it will be easy for you to stay there, because they are probably not going to put a lot of demands on you because they love you and feel your pain. The people at the Covenant House will help you become a whole and complete human being with a life and a future and even goals for the future. They have the experience to help you heal your inner child. That lovely little girl who just wanted two parents that would cherish her and love her. It is what we are lead to believe is our birth right. Please call your friend Lauren, and then please get into rehab. And since you are to young to be on your own. If you go back to the state, aor if the find you you will end up back in anothe foster home. The Covenante House will not send you to a foster home. You can stay there. They have rooms, you will have privacy, you will have your own space, you will be able to have our own things. Honey I hope you read this soon and that it gives you some hope. Please take the next steps. They are the hardest. They look so HIGH, but if you take them, I promise, when you look back, you will see that the first step was really very short. Please take that step and get hold of your future. You are a strong girl to have survived what you have gone through. You are a survivor. Please call lauren and please write again.
Michele
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