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abuse
I used to live with my dad (my parents are divorced) I was with him from age 6 until I was 9 all those three years he would moleste me, rape me, and beat me. I didn't really understand what was happening because I was so young. Well one day my teacher noticed that I couldn't really move because I was in so much pain. They asked me some questions but I was afraid to tell them because I didn't want to get hit again. They knew something was going on and they sent me to go live with my mom. I live with my mom for 4 years and it was exactly the same as living with my dad except this time it was her boyfriends who would rape me and she would just beat me. I started doing drugs when I was 11 and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. It kept me out of my mom's house and with my friends and I actually felt like I belonged. When I was 13 I ran away from home and things got really bad I got really deep into drugs and I ended somwhere where I had to do things that I regret doing in order to get a fix. I hate the person that I was and I've been trying to straighten out with the help of my friend. Things were going pretty good for a couple months but then social services found out about what was going on and sent me here. I've been to 7 different foster homes in 6 different states and evertime either my foster "brother" or "father" beat me or rape me or both. I'm in one of those places again and I don't know what to do anymore I've been trying soo hard to make things work. I really have.
My question is do you have any idea why this always happens to me? I feel like it's my fault, is it my fault? I'm scared to keep moving around each time it gets worse. Is it normal for me to want to do drugse even though I know it's wrong? And is there any thing in the law that will let me go live with my friend or anywhere where i won't have to go through this??
I'm sorry that this is long but I really need help and I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me.
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Until you are 18 the state is respocible for your care. That they are assigning you to terrible homes is NOT your fault. That you were ever put into this situation is NOT your fault. The fault belongs to your mother and father. They were the ones who brought horror into your life. You have done nothing but try to survive in any way that you can. Drugs rape and beat just as bad people do. The temptation is that drugs offer you the lie of peace while they kill you slowly from the inside and you blame yourself for the horrors that you must perform to keep that illusion in place. Trust me sweetheart, people with far less reason than you have fallen into the trap drugs offer. That you have come this far is a testament to your personal strength and character. I have never been in the foster care system. I am sure there are excellent homes out there somewhere, but I have no doubt your situation is terrible. Far too many people use the system to find victims to abuse and they learn that system well enough to hide their crimes.. Because that's what this abuse is, it is a crime. A crime against you, the system, and humanity. IF you can use the internet for research, type in foster care abuse and your state. There should be numbers of information for you. If you can't, just let me know what state you live in and I will be happy to look the info up for you. I can't think of anything more I can do. You are in a hell that you did not create. NEVER blame yourself for all of this. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It is the way of the world. I don't understand it, though I do know that the desire to feel power through violence upon others is a weak willed man's means of hiding his own weakness from himself. Please write me back. I'll do what little I can. Big hug! Stay as strong as you have been so far. You are a survivor. You are still here.
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