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problems with my mother
Okay this is a really long really complicated situation. I just turned 19 and I started my first relationship about 4 months ago and even though it's long distance it's going extremely well. My bf and I are truly perfect for each other so there should be no worries right? Well, I'm finishing up my first year of college and I've decided that I want to switch majors. The college I'm at right now doesn't offer the best program for what I want to switch to so I began looking for a different college. My bf suggested a college that is only about 15 minutes from his and I got mad at him because I thought that he didn't care about my education. I was so wrong. The college he found is perfect for me. It's inexpensive and offers exactly what I want. Going there would make it a lot easier for my bf and I as well and we could become even closer. My mother however is completely against my going there. She doesn't think I made the decision for the good of my education. I'm not doing as well in school this semseter because I'm taking much more difficult classes and my mother has decided that it is b/c I talk to my bf too much. I find this ridiculous because I'm not doing horribly by any standards and I talked to him just as much last semester. She has taken my cell phone away from me several times and won't let me communicate with my bf when I am home. She doesn't like my bf which doesn't help either because she insults him constantly in my presence. She tells me that if I don't get a 3.0 she will not let me work where I want this summer b/c the pay isn't high enough and I will have to take an entire semester off and work. If I do get the 3.0 she tells me that I have to come back to the college I am at now for one more semester before I can leave. The problem is that I don't think she will let me go to the college that I want to go to anyways. My bf and I are stressed to say the least and the situation is causing some tension in our relationship. My bf keeps telling me that I should move out this summer and live with a good friend of mine. She's fine with it, but I'm not sure if I should do that. I am going to work where I want this summer no matter what and if accepted to the college I want to go to I will attend. Moving out seems like a good choice because then I can make my own decisions, but if I do move out my mother won't support me financially and I will not have use of my family's minivan to get places. Is it worth seeing my bf whenever I want all summer, having the job I want, going to the college I want right away, and being generally happier if I lose my family, lose all financial support, have to bum rides off of people, lose the chance of possibly being given my own car, and put my relationship with my bf on the line? I know it sounds like money over happiness, but I do love my family and losing that much financial support is a big deal. Should I trust that my bf loves me enough to deal with the stress of waiting till next spring for us to be together or should I take his advice to move out of a bad sitiation? Will moving out do any real harm that wouldn't end up being done anyways? Will staying with my family just prolong my agony or could my mother change her mind? It's really a lot to think about and I'm hoping that someone outside of the situation might be able to sift through everything and see what should be done a little more clearly.
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Alright, well I'm not gonna tell you what to do.. but I'll try to give you my best opinion from what you've told me.. Moving out sounds like a good idea, but you are only 19. It would be very hard to keep up financially, especially if you got your own place. This is one way to deal with your mother, but I don't generally think it's the best way. I think honestly you need to talk to her. And I'm sure you have said this already, but explain that staying in the college you're in now isn't going to further your education. You picked a new major, which is a pretty big deal. You want to go to this other college to expand your knowlege (as corny as that sounds) Try to strike a bargain with her. 3.0 and you get to go to the college you want next semester, and she gets to pick your job. Ok now here's the hard part.. if she says no, listen. Don't try to defy her, show her that you're almost an adult and you're not going to give up so easily, but do it in a way that's not tantrum-y. lol Next you need to talk to your boyfriend. I'm almost positive he'll wait till next spring or maybe sooner, if your mom gives in a little. He needs to understand that your first priority is your family and your work. He'll get it that you need this 3.0 and I'm sure he'll stand by you. Oh and maybe instead of moving out consider living in the dorms on campus of your college. Well good luck!! and please, let me know how it goes!
Hope I helped!
~Lana
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