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Okay, this is for a friend - one of my best friends and I've never had a real boyfriend before so I need some good advice to give her. Shes really at the lowest of lows right now and I really want to help her.
OK so last summer she went to this day camp for a week and met a tennis teacher there. I think she was 13 at the time and he was 15? 16? Well he thought she was 15 and she had a crush on him and for some odd reason or another she never ended up telling her age. So long story short they ended up haveing this great romantic summer fling that ended with a romantic kiss and all that jazz.
It's almost been a year now and she hasn't gotten over him. She would have contacted him but she lost his e-mail. This past year she has also been in a on and off relationship with her boyfriend (there going out at the moment and doing fine). But her boyfriend smokes pot and is depressed. I told her that if she really cares for him that she should get him to stop smokeing and to get some help. But even I know that he would never EVER go to a shrink or anything. Hes too independent and would never admitt that something is wrong with him. The reason that she would never say "if you don't stop smokeing and get some help I'm going to break up with you", is because she has already brocken up with him four times and that would hurt him badly and her might 'do something stupid'.
Her boyfriend loves her and cares for her but he doesn't know how to listen and can't help with these problems. Plus he might like another girl.
She loves this guy from tennis camp and can't stop thinking about him. Yet she also loves her boyfriend and she can't see him often.
can you give me some advice to give her?
p.s. sorry it's long just want to give you the whole story.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Don't be sorry for writing so much - the more information you give me, the more informed my answer can be!!
First of all, I understand that it can be hard to get over any relationship, but summer relationships can be harder than most. I mean, you're away from reality in the hot weather, having a fling in a place that is not part of your regular life. It's understandable she has those feelings - but I would ask her to consider HIS feelings. She may have lost his email address, but has he tried to contact her?
If not, there's always the chance he lost her details, too. But a more realistic option is that he isn't interested in carrying anything on beyond the summer. Her options? To realistically understand nothing further is going to happen, and to work through her feelings.
As far as her current boyfriend, I think she should break up with him. She's broken up with him four times in the past, which shows that something isn't right. No matter how much two people want to be together, their personalities, goals, or lifestyles can just mean a match isn't right for one or both of the people. There's obviously problems there, least of all his problem with pot.
Your friend really has no control over whether or not her boyfriend will do drugs. Or whether he will 'do anything stupid,' such as suicide or self-harming. Not only does she not have control, but it's not her responsibility. The choices he makes are totally and completely up to him.
Your friend needs to be worried about making the choices that are best for her. Being with one boy while still caring for another isn't a good idea. Being with a boy who smokes a lot of pot, which she doesn't support, is not a good idea. Being with a boy who might like another girl is - you guessed it - not a good idea.
There are plenty of guys out there who want more than a summer fling, and who make positive and healthy life choices. While your friend can't control her heart, she's going to need to look a lot more closely at her head. She needs to do what is absolutely best for her - even if that means hurting her boyfriend. Staying with him is like supporting his drug habit, and in the long run that will hurt him even more.
Hope some of this helped.
PS - Sorry it's so long, just wanted to give you a full answer!;)
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