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Any suggestions?
OK i wrote about wanting to get my dad back as coach for little league because him and my friends dad as coach were awesome together and we had tons of fun. I have this as a petition but i dont know if i like it. Do you like it? Do you have any suggestions for a different way to word it? Thanks I'll rate 5's because i know this takes a bunch of effort
heres what i have:
Last year's Senior League team was a lot of fun and team includes the coaches!! So if everyone had fun..why the change? The signatures of last years' players/parents show that they want Fred and Dave coaching again. (Along with Liz P.. new this year)They worked together great! Everyone from last year wants this year to be just as fun or better..and part of making it that fun is having our favorite coaches back again! So we ask the board to please make Dave and Fred coaches of this year's Girls Senior League Team. It means a lot to the players,Fred, and Dave.
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Why not just give the new coaches a chance, maybe help them make the year fun? But I guess if it means SO much to you, get everyone to speak about what wonderful coaches they are. Though if it doesn't work out, I hope you give your new coaches a fair chance.
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hmm... I like it... though I would make some minor word changes, as you will see when I type the paragraph over. Don't use doubled punctuation (the doubled excitement marks and such) because it seems almost... gaudy. Just a friendly warning..)
"Last years Girls Senior League team was a lot of fun, and this includes the coaches! If everyone had a good time, why change? The signatures of last years players and parents show that they want Fred *last name* and Dave *last name* coaching again. This year, Liz P. will be accompanying the previous years coaches. This duo, now trio, worked well together! Everyone from last year wants this year to be better than last; and making that happen is having our faveorite coaches back again! Thus we now ask the board to make Dave *last name* and Fred *last name* coaches of this years Girls Senior League Team. This means a great deal to the players, Fred *last name* and Dave *last name*. Thank you."
I think I spelled everything correctly and punctuated it well, but you still might want to check. Last names and full titles make it seem more profesional, and word repetition doesn't work very well. I hope ya'll get your coaches back! Pray about it, if God wants them to be coaches, then they'll be coaches. But you should still do the petition. :)
-FunnyCide
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