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hii
Hi. i saw your column and you look helpful =). Anyways i need some advice. I went out with this kid Roger. He's really sweet and nice. But i feel weird around him. He always wanted to kiss me (just a tap kiss) and im not like that. Now were like best friends and we still like eachother. (He isnt into sex though/ a good thing) But now i really like him. I keep having dreams about us in his room on his bed having sex and stuff. I told him and he just laughed. I seriously dont kno what to do, if you could give advice to me that would be great! thanks.
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Hi,
For starters, it totally normal to have dreams (and daydreams) about sex and kissing. Everyone does. It does not mean that you need to act on them - or even that you really want to act on them. Dreams are one of the ways your mind works through things that are new, confusing, scary, or in some way hard to think about directly.
Roger probably laughed when you told him because it made him nervous. He's most likely also having sexual dreams and doesn't know how to deal with them either. I would suggest not bringing up dreams about sex randomly if you want to talk about them with him. Wait till dreams (or sex) is already the topic, then toss mentions in there and see how he reacts. Also, if your nervous, or he reacts weirdly, you don't have to tell people that you've had dreams about them. I know some of the people I've had sexual dreams about would run away screaming if I told them! :)
What would make you feel less weird? Do you want to go out with him again? Do you want to not go out with him, but occasionally do something special with just the two of you? It's also important to know what you *don't* want. It sounds like you don't want to have sex, but you might want to hold hands, or kiss him again. This is totally ok.
When you get an idea of what you do and don't want, ask him about it or give him clues. If you want to hold hands, if your sitting next to him in a movie, put your hand on the arm rest, or on top of his hand if his hand is already there. If you walking down the hall, keep brushing his hand with yours. If he blushes and doesn't move away, go ahead and take his hand. Some guys are shy and want you to make the move, other guys will notice these hints and make a move themselves.
It's also important that you find some way to talk to him about what your limits are. If you only want to kiss when the two of you are alone, let him know that your not comfortable with public displays of affection. Or if he tries to kiss you in public, whisper "not here - wait till later" and smile at him, so he knows that it's not that you don't want to kiss him, it's that you don't want to do it all the time in front of everyone. Learning how to talk to people about what you do and don't want is an important skill - and trust me, you want to get a lot of practice in now while making mistakes is relatively harmless.
I've got a feeling that I'm missing part of the question, so let me know if there's something else.
The important thing is that both you and Roger are comfortable with whatever you do and don't do.
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