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only wanting friendship?


Question Posted Wednesday February 23 2005, 11:18 pm

i've been with my current boyfriend for a long time and he means sooo much to me. but lately, i've become really good friends with my ex. i don't want to give up the bond we've made, but i'm starting to have stronger feelings for him than just friendship and i DON'T want to make a mistake that could hurt my boyfriend who i love! i really need some suggestions on how to clear up any fuzzy boundaries between a friendship and a relationship, please!

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mylinhthan answered Thursday February 24 2005, 12:52 pm:
anonymous -

Obviously your ex is well...your ex. Apparently there was something wrong that it didn't work out; if you get back together with him, how do you know that what caused you two to break up won't happen again?

You love your boyfriend. That should be enough information to help you with your decision. :)

Good luck!

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Karen answered Thursday February 24 2005, 9:09 am:
If you truely love your boyfriend, then stay with him, since you said you don't want to make a mistake that could hurt him. You need to think and ask yourself who you love more. Since you are developing feelings for your ex-boyfriend again, you need to talk to him and tell him. Before you do that, why did you break up with him? Was your relationship with him not working or was it that you didn't have feelings for him anymore? If so, then you shouldn't talk to him because you may even have more feelings for him than you know about. If you said that you are becoming really good friends with your ex-boyfriend, don't spend that much time talking to him or hanging out with him and then your feelings for him will go away. If you've been with your current boyfriend for a long time, then you should stay with him and not dump him for your ex-boyfriend.
-Karen

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angel05 answered Thursday February 24 2005, 8:25 am:
follow your heart! do what you think is best.
if you have feelings for your ex then tell him and see what he says.
luv nicki ♥

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Solaris answered Thursday February 24 2005, 3:23 am:
I personally think you should stay with your current boyfriend. You siad it yourself...you love him. Why do you want to ruin a good thing? The ex had his chance and it obviously didnt work. Move on and stick to your main man...the current bf.

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rainbowsend answered Thursday February 24 2005, 12:19 am:
Usually the difference between "friends" and "more" is physical. So if you're set in keeping this relationship with your ex in the friendship zone, you may need to set boundaries for your actions, words, and thoughts about him. You might be okay hugging, other physical contact with other guy friends, but in this case you might have to keep your distance.

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FunnyCide answered Thursday February 24 2005, 12:05 am:
This is a tough descision that you have to make, all I can do is walk you through the steps and give you ideas on how to do that.
1)Think about who you love. - do you love your current boyfriend enough that you would die for him? (tragic and not likely to happen, but think about it.)

2)Think about why you broke up with your ex in the first place. - if it was because he was mean or spiteful to you, I would say that it isn't wise to even talk to him.

Think about who you love the most, if you even love your ex. (it wasn't clear about this.) As you said, you don't want to make a mistake, so this is a toughie. Talk to your boyfriend about this. I know that it'll be hard, considering that he's your boyfriend, and you don't want to hurt him or lose him, but honesty is the best policy. It might hurt him (and you) worse in the end if you don't talk to him about it. He can help you decide if it is wise to be so close to your ex, and if he's not comfortable with you talking and being so close to your ex, then you have to make a descision on weather to pull away from your ex or to ignore your boyfriends feelings. (not a good idea to ignore his feelings.) You should also talk to your ex. Ask him if he still has feelings for you, and if so, what kind and how strong. Tell him how you feel too, and that you don't want to hurt your boyfriend. (make it clear that you only want to be friends!) This is a hard situation to be in, but this is what I'd do if I was faced with this. God bless
-FunnyCide

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