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parents can be a pain in the butt!
Dear T,
I have this little problem with my parents that I am sure I am not the only one in the world that has it.
Heres the thing.....
I haven't heard anything from my parents, I email them at the begin of last week to tell them Hello and that I was thinking about them. They didn't reply or anything. It make me mad that they don't have an interest in my life or want to be a part of my life That they don't call and see what I am up too or even give a friendly Hello. What is up with that is that too much to ask from MY parents? And of course if I don't call or go to family events then I am the one that is shying away from the family. What the fuck is that?
I talked to my parents about this on Christmas and they agree that we need to commutate more and see how each of our life is going. But they haven't made any attempt of doing so. I am still the only one that give out the email/or call to see how they are doing(and I have told them how I feel with them not calling). I just moved into a new place you would think they would ask me how it is or what it looks like. Nope no interested there! It scare me that they don't have an interested now because when I adopt a kid or have one of my own will they be there as grandparents? Right now they are grandparents with my sister kid but what about mine? I get so confused about this issue because I don’t know what to do or what they are thinking.
I think to myself......
Maybe they feel the way I feel that I don’t seem to have an interest in their life so that’s why they are shying or not call me. Or then I think is it the lesbian thing or is it because Karen is a lot older then me, or is it because they don’t know what to talk about or do they feel uncomfortable talking with me. What is it I really would like to know? Wait....(do I really want to know) What does it matter anyways I guess I just don’t know why they don’t put an interested in my life.
What should I do???
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Dear "Family" Friend:
First and foremost, family issues generally stink all the way around. I have certainly had my share of family ups and downs. When I came out to my father, he didn't speak to me for an entire year.
I, much like you, thought it was because they didn't care about me or my life choices. I was hurt for a very long time.
It is hard to say why families carry on the way they do, but the best thing that you can do is to communicate with them.
I would share with them all the important events of your shared life with Karen. Maybe they just need to truly see that you are happy and then they will realize your life partner is important to you, but also to them.
When I was in therapy, I ended up writing my father a letter and asking him why he didn't want to talk to me. As it turned out, it wasn't that he was so upset that I was gay/lesbian, but that I had cheated on the person that I was with at the time. My father just could not get past the issues surrounding cheating on your significant other.
Subsequently, my father and I are closer now than we ever have been. I am lucky that way.
As for always having to be the one to reach out and make the first move, I would agree that stinks. They tell you they want to hear from you, yet they don't put any effort in.
If you write your family a letter, I would tell them that you want to hear how their lives are as well and that you don't always want to be the first person to send an email, letter or to pick up the phone.
You also need to explain to them that you are working and going to school and trying to make a life for yourself and sometimes time can slip by you without you even realizing it.
I hope things get better for you. I know that it has been difficult for you and Karen both, keep your chin up, and persevere because talking to your family and trying to make a go of it is always better than feelings all alone in the world.
-T.
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