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give him space - long version
March 04 - through a friend of a friend we are both spending an evening at a mutual friend's place taking the mickey out of eachother
April 04 - I found an excuse to email him (lives on the other side of the world)
email contact for 6 weeks progresses to him saying "so why don't you have a boyfriend, you're lovely"
July 04 - he calls me, 3 hrs on the phone trying to get him to realise that yes, I fancied him
one week later - he wants to see me again and suggests I take a trip, I suggest that if he want to see me that much, he'll take the trip to see me"...he agrees and we find a time that suits my work schedule
between july and September we spend 2-3 hours on the phone each mornign & evening - mostly him calling me, countless emails, texts, msn messenger etc...
September 04 - we spend two weeks together, it's amazing in every way.
Before he returns home we talk about what we do from here, I suggest trying to get my work posted to where he is , he agrees saying that would give us theopportunity to test living together
October 04 - I have a more fantastic offer from my boss than the one I proposed (sebatical allows me time off with job guaranteed at the end, holiday pay paid out up front, plus my boss will set up a job over there for me) I'm elated...call the man
He gives me reason after reason why moving to his country is a bad idea right now (weather, flatmate doesn't want additional person in the house, flat lease requires 2 months notice to leave, no girl has made an effort for him before, I love my career and he's worried that my boss allowing a 9 month sebatical will result in my not getting my job back at the end of it)
I give him space, don't contact him
He tells me I don't call anymore
I ask what's happening, I need to give my boss an answer, he advises, I'll call you after work babe...
I wait about a week (he's overseas with work)
He calls but hasn't spoken to flatmate properly yet
I get drunk at a party in the weekend, call him, get emotional, cry (ok, cry a fair bit)
When he finally phones a few days later it's to give me that cheesy "I don't know how to say this but I think we should just be friends" line
He gave me these reasons:
there are reasons (nope, I have no idea what these illusive 'other reasons' are)
if would be different if we lived in the same country, met and dated, then lived together.....but me putting everything on hold and us living together after 12 days and one evening makes him feel pressured
Over the week previous to our last conversation I too decided that living together was a bit of a big step and would mean I would rely on him too much, so arranged alternative accommodation with family, hence removing that pressure from us both. Unfortunately he had already made up his mind when he gave me the friends speech, so I didn't get the chance to let him know.
I think this guy is fantastic, he is everything I never thought I would find. He has said the same without my prompting.
I don't understand why he has cut me off, please help I'm devastated.
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I'm over it!
Some of you people need to expand your horizons - to achieve greatness requires risk, and I'm a risk taker.
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if he lives on the other side of the world.. forget it! lifes tough sorry
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I agree with chaos in that those excuses he fabricated are complete crap. A couple of them make sense, but because the majority of them seem to be crap, it leads me to believe that they all are crap. "no girl has made an effort for him before, I love my career and he's worried that my boss allowing a 9 month sebatical will result in my not getting my job back at the end of it", this, right here, is bull shit. He probably panicked, realized he didn't want a serious relationship (probably especially one with someone he's only known for a small period of time and has barely seen), and chose the pathetic way out that most guys choose. Trust me, the problem is completely with him, and since he's not courageous enough to tell you what he really thinks, it's hard to tell what really went through his mind. I'm pretty sure that he decided this sometime before October. He may seem fantastic, but to me he seems typical.
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He was enjoying the ability to have a relationship with the distance. His flatmate is probably his Significant Other. When you actually went to the trouble to get things arranged to be together and he hands you a bunch of lame excuses, there is a huge red flag telling you that this is not going to happnen. Be glad you didn't waste too much of your time and move on.
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