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Sexually Frustrated female
I am a 22 female and i have been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We both work ALOT and have stressfull jobs. He is always bringing his work problems home and it is affecting our relationship in many ways, like how we talk (or dont talk) to eachother, putting us both on edge at all times. Dont get me wrong i love him and we did have an awesome relationship till the past few months. he makes me feel unwanted or unattractive now. i try to initiate a sexual relation in MANY MANY different ways and i'm just "denied access" to every part of him. i even try to talk to him about it but he just goes on the defence and doesnt want to talk. getting him to give me a peck on the cheek is like pulling teeth, yet alone actually having sex,which is like once every other month and i'm getting frustrated sexually so bad that our relationship is suffering and i dont know what to do anymore. I dont know how many more nights i can be denied access and roll over frustrated. It's not like we work different schedules we go to work at the same time and get home at the same time and even shower together....but nothing comes of it no pun intended.i just dont know what to do anymore........what advice can u offer me ?
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In addition to what selectopaque said, his troubles at work and at home might be tied to depression. I'd encourage you to convince him to see a psychiatrist or a counselor or something, for his sake and for yours. Depression can be treated, and that might help save your marriage.
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hmm was your guy ever truly extra sexually active in the first place? maybe you should try to talk to him about switching jobs (it might cause a littl eheat and an argument) but just let him know that you are trying really hard to fix this rift that has formed. in many marriages ( i know you're not married yet but just saying) that it usually strats first with sex.. after the sex dies down it gradually affects the mental part of the marriage. reallly talk to him (b/c obviosly giving yourself out isnt working) and don't let him get on the defensive. really make him see this is hurting you alot and hurting you two alot as well. you though, have to be slightly more patient.. (not saying oyu havent been enough! lol) but maybe this job adjustment thing is going to take a while.. hang in there.. if you love the guy then that's all you really can do. hope i helped
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maybe hes turning gay
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Honestly, this sounds familiar to me, and your not going to like what I have to say.
This sounds familiar with me because almost the same thing happened to me with my last boyfriend. We were together for over three years and the first 1-2 years were great. We would have sex all the time. We tried many different things together to keep the sexual part of the relationship fresh and exciting.
The last year or so of the relationship started to fizzle out. We both loved each other and cared for each other very much, but it seemed like he wasn't as attracted to me as he was in the beginning. Like you, I would try almost everything to start something, and 8 out of every 10 attempts would be answered with a cold shoulder from him. We once had sex at least once a day, and towards the end it was rare to have sex even once a month.
I struggled with myself and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I thought he had gotten sick of me. I thought he would look at me and think "wow, she's gotten fat and ugly" I even started to consider whether or not he was gay. I would talk to him and try to figure out why he never wanted to have sex and got the same reaction that you seem to be getting. He would get defensive about the whole situation. I started reading books and stuff to help our relationship. I tried using some techniques such as: Don't turn it into his fault or make him think your blaming him. Do this by not saying "Why don't you want to have sex with me?" but instead say "I'm sad that we are not as intimate with each other." By saying "you don't want to have sex" you are blaming him, but by saying "we don't have sex" the blame is on the both of you instead of just him.
Anyway, none of these things worked. He still got defensive when I tried to talk to him.
The relationship obviously did not last. Me and this guy are still friends, but having an intimate relationship was only meant to last a year or two with us.
My opinion is that you and him are in the same, or almost the same situation as I was with this guy that I have told you about. You might not like to think about it like this, but your love for each other may not be enough for you two to stay together. People say sex isn't everything, but in a relationship, I think it plays a big part. You need to have that sex to have the closeness that a good relationship needs to survive. If you feel like your partner see's you as unnatractive, then your going to be miserable.
Another option is counceling for the both of you. But if he gets defensive when you ask him a few questions, I'm sure he will most likely get defensive if you ask him to go into counceling with you. (my ex's reaction to counceling was "I do not need counceling, I'm not crazy")
You need to make sure to get him to realize that your just not happy with the way things are going right now, and it needs to change if you two are going to last. Whatever you do, try to stay away from blaming him for the lack of sex. If you do he will just get defensive and mad.
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damN qirl..well lady.. i think yOu shOuld suspecT sOmethinq is wrOng with him. i ThinK yOu shOuld ask him what his prOblem is and why he is aCtinq like that. MaYbe he`z tired Or nOt in the mOod..i can teLL he dOesn`t want it as badLy as YoU..maybe teasiNq him wOuld even heLp..sOmething that wOuld put him in the mOod..dOn`t beq it'll make yOu seem desperate!
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