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put the record straight
female,20 2 children eldest 2 youngest 7 weeks,differant dads when i drink alchol i get violent not al the time just when im stressed my partner over the past 4 weeks my partener has broken my finger n given me a black eye on both occasions he has said sorry and it will never happen again. he has taken my eldest son on as his own. i dont want to be a single mum with 2 children by differant fathers but i dont want to be a nervous wreck either i feel low in myself he alwys puts me down telling me im ugly and fat i just dont know which way to turn the violence only happens when we are both drunk please give me advice.
this is what my girlfriend wrote.
just to clear a few things up. she used to hit me a lot. after about 5 different incidents a told her that if she didnt seek help i was leaving her. she went to see a shrink once! when she said i broke her finger what actually happened was she hit me so i held her hand so she hit me with the other so i grabbed that hand to so then she butted me in the nose so i butted her back and pushed her off the bed and thats how she broke her finger.
with the black eye we had an argument so i went and got in the spare bed she followed me in a started shouting and went for me and proper scratched my face (which has scared) so i pushed on the bed so she came for me again so i punched her. now i thoroughly regret what i did and the only reason it happened is coz we had both had vodka. i have quit drinking full stop. she on the other hand hasnt. i do really regret what happened but no one out there is perfect. i love her to pieces and i WONT do it again no matter wat u woman say. u woman have said leave him and get a restraining order. would u say that if u were twenty didnt work but looked after the kids while ur boyfriend went out and earned u both £25,000 a year and gave u everything u wanted. gave up his social life and got rid of all his friends to stay in every nite and look after you and the kids. i dont think u would. i know money aint every thing but it does help provide her with a good life style
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If you both care about the kids that you are taking care of, then you will either BOTH not just stop drinking, but work on your problems together. BOTH of you need to go to a couple, or a family therapist. Quitting drinking is not going to stop the fighting and violence. I grew up with an abusive step-father. My mother now says that she stayed with him as long as she did because she needed the financial support, she thought she was doing a good thing for her children.
NO, she definately wasn't. Stop thinking about how this is on you, and start thinking about what the kids in the house are going through as they watch you two fight.
My mother and her abusive asshole ex husband quit drinking, they thought that would fix all their problems. It didn't, the problems weren't fixed until she divorced him and never spoke to him again.
She didn't smarten up and leave him until he hit my sister. Don't let it get to this point.
Maybe it's not all your fault, but obviously you two together are not a good match.
Think about the kids, not your own needs.
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STOP BEING AN ALCOHOLIC!! Beer does that to ya!
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