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poems~
"Run Away"
Run, run, run away.
Run away for it’s just begun.
Nothing is left to learn; nothing can be done.
Run away and never return.
Don't let it burn just,
Run, run, run away.
Don't confront the fears.
Run away and leave the tears.
Don't retreat.
It'll show defeat, so just,
Run, run, run away
"Life"
So much anger; so much sadness.
How'd I get myself wound up in all this madness?
To much stress; to much drama.
How do I clear up this mess?
So many tears; so little fears.
It's been like this for years.
Just young; trying to have fun.
Not many smiles; not many dreams.
All I hear are distant screams.
Lot's of fights; including sleepless night.
I'm trying...
But there's so much lying; so much crying...
"I am"
People say I'm a sinner.
But I'm just a beginner.
Yea, I've done some things wrong.
But that's what makes me strong,
I take life for how it is.
I live my life around the people I adore.
I am who I am; why do they care?
Why do they always sit and stare?
I know I'm not the worst,
But I am the first to stand up and say,
I am who I am.
I'm 15~ these were on here earlier I posted them on a different account though... but can you please critisize(sp???) them
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It's better than the crap I was writing at your age. You have potential. It's clear that your showing a lot of emotion through your writing. I like the shortness of these 3. The internal rhymes in "Life" are good. Have you ever tried to write a sonnet? These are almost sonnets already. Great stuff for your age.
A few things to work on though: 1.I'm not sure if the ";" is used in the correct sense. You should probably use a "," for separating fragmented thoughts. ; are generally used for separating complete thoughts. However, rules of punctuation and grammar don't apply to poetry if it's intentional. If any teacher tells you different, they're wrong.2. Occasionally there is a line that's not quite as strong as the others. It seems you occasionally struggle with the rhyme scheme. You shouldn't try to rhyme as much, I mean sure it sounds great, but the overall message is weakened. Concentrate more on the message, never the rhyme 3. there may be a little too much emotion shown through these. Unless of course that's all your going for is emotion. But in this setting, they almost sound like song lyrics rather than poems. Of course, a lot of people consider songs to be poems, so just ignore what I just said.
Tips(You don't have to follow them. They're merely suggestions): Try to incorporate similes, metaphors, analogies, etc. These usually make a poem more interesting (His eyes were like..., The pain was...). Symbolism also catches my eye.
You could also try to use your other senses to become more descriptive. Painting a visual picture helps readers gain interest. Use senses like the sense of smell, taste, hearing, etc. My teachers told me to rarely write poems with the main theme being an emotion, but I disagree with them.
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