|
Tim.
Tim left because he was scared. I don't know why I'm so scary to him, but I am. Keith and I split a few days ago. I have a tendency to pick up weirdos and freaks, and I attracked one by just holding my best friends hand. His name is Scott and get this...He's a cheerleader. I don't know what to do. We were playing twenty questions and I asked if he was looking for a gurlfriend. He replies with a "I don't know, I met you so I'm not sure if I don't want one or not." And you're right, I'm very insecure about myself. In the past five years I've been dating, I haven't gone a full month being single. When I'm single, I feel lonely and depressed. It's as though the whole world is coming down on me at one time and I need someone to spill to. The worst part is, it gets worse when I have a bf. Mandy, my best friend, is of course my best friend. But I can't tell anyone everything. It's as though I can't tell but I want to. I'd love to get it all out but I'm afraid if I told someone they'd be all "You're a nutcase." Please help me find out a cure to my fears.
*Is gonna stop quoting myself like this*
Abby
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Oh, Abby, cupcake, you are so definitely not a nutcase.
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe part of the reason you're lonely and depressed when you're single is simply that during those times, you're never more than one month past a breakup? I mean (stating the obvious here), breakups are horrible! They make you feel awful, and they make you question yourself, and they make you feel alone in the world, and there's no telling how long those feelings will last -- and sometimes, oddly enough, it doesn't even have a lot to do with how much you liked the guy in the first place.
And maybe it gets worse when you get a new boyfriend, in part, because you have all these unresolved doubts and feelings left over from your last experience, and you're shoving them down deep inside you because you figure you're *supposed* to be happy and excited now. But those feelings don't just go away immediately, and they stick around to confuse you.
Okay, so, how to get rid of these feelings? Well, to some extent they leave on their own schedule, but you can help push them along a bit.
For starters, just let yourself be sad for a little while. You were engaged, and it ended, and it's appropriate to grieve about that (even if Tim wasn't the right guy -- more on that in a minute). Give yourself permission to be really miserable for a day, or a week, or whatever. And then, move into a new phase.
This is the part where it's All About Abby. You're obviously a catch, and lots of guys want to date you, so you shouldn't have anything to prove to yourself on that score; you don't need a guy around all the time as evidence that you're attractive and worthwhile. Instead, do things that make you happy: hang out with your friends, take a roadtrip to a new place, try some activity that you've always been curious about, get a cool new haircut, volunteer for something -- whatever you like, but the point is that you're expanding your horizons a little bit, and learning more about yourself in the process.
During this time, you will obviously be meeting guys. And some of them may be really appealing. But, as an experiment, try *not* getting into a relationship with any of them; keep them around as friends, sure, but let them wait around for you for a bit. (Not that you should tease them or leave them dangling -- obviously, you want to treat everyone with respect and consideration.) I don't want to give you a strict timeline or anything, because you'll start to get a feeling when you're ready. But I suspect about three months on your own would you do a world of good.
And as for Tim -- it sounds to me like he's your typical guy who wasn't anywhere near ready for marriage, and who wasn't mature or thoughtful enough to handle the situation like a grownup. It doesn't seem like *you* scared him off at all -- obviously, he liked you fine, or he wouldn't have dated you for so long, or come knocking on your door again. But it doesn't seem like he's equipped to give you what you need in a life partner, and deep in his heart, he must realize that.
Good luck, and please feel free to write again if you need to, okay?
cheers,
alpha
]
More Questions: |