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I am a law student I have have been dating a law student at another school for two months. He's really smart and hardworking (went to Harvard undergrad), very neurotic and a little awkward. I've had to make all of the first moves on him (holding hands, kisses, etc.), which I was really proud of. I like him a lot.
About a month ago, I attended a lecture at his school, and we hung out the whole night afterward. He took me to dinner and the movies, and didn't let me pay (nice gesture, but I don't like that). Afterward, we went back to his place and "hooked up," meaning that we did everything except sex, which I feel was very intimate. I had initiated the encounter by asking for a kiss, and he took that to mean "the whole nine yards." I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do.
Since then, we haven't seen each other. We speak on the phone very sporadically (once a week or less). When I ask him to come visit me, or what his plans are for New Year's, he is very evasive. He tells me that he's extremely busy with his work (which is true, as he's a law student and we are both busy). He doesn't always return my calls or e-mails. I don't know whether I should tell him how much he is hurting me, or just try not to think about him. Some friends say I should keep going out with him on a very casual level the next time he asks me, but I worry that I'm incapable of doing that.
Was I wrong to initiate physical things with this guy who doesn't seem to want to be my boyfriend? Is casual sex (or almost sex) something to be ashamed of?
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I don't think you should be ashamed of anything, we all do what's right at the time. Looking back it probably wasn't the right thing to do, but who ever knows what is? Don't look back on it negatively.
I'd let go of this guy though. It's hard to have a relationship with someone at another school, and he may very well be too busy to get involved with you. Give him time and maybe he'll call you, maybe he won't, but you can't just keep calling him wondering why he's not that happy about it. It's a sign. Go forth and find someone more deserving of your time.
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