In my school I have friends and they are friendly but when we talk we talk like strangers. I feel don’t fit in with them. They all talk about stuff and when it is a joke they all laugh and I don’t understand a thing they say or what kind of things they like. We all have nothing in common, like really nothing.
I am a girl.
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category? Maybe give some free advice about: School? solidadvice4teens answered Wednesday November 6 2019, 1:52 am: They really aren't friends are they especially if they feel like strangers and you don't fit in with them. If you have nothing in common than it's not really a friendship. If they joke and laugh and you don't feel included that's a signal to stop wasting time with them and find people you do click with and become friends with them. I know that's not easy at times but it's the best and healthiest thing you can do for yourself moving forward.
Try befriending the kids who don't have friends or have trouble trying to fit in with peers or sit alone at lunch unnoticed. These kids make the best friends and don't judge people. Reach out to anyone that is bullied and try joining student council or an activity where you'll meet all kinds of people with different background but same interests. [ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question ]
MisterAdvice101 answered Monday October 21 2019, 11:03 pm: Who says friends are supposed to agree on everything? Who also says you can not make new friends in every chapter of your life?
Try and make new friends, maybe one or two who have the same creative, artistic, goal-oriented drive as you do. Hang out with them before you call them your friends. Do not rush or force bonds.
Dragonflymagic answered Saturday October 19 2019, 4:03 pm: I hope you are not thinking there must be something you can say that works magically to make a true friend. It sounds to me like the people you hang with are merely fellow students and acquaintences, people you know of through classes, etc. but none of you have what it takes to be a real friend. Some of this, yes, can be learned, how to communicate better for one thing which helps in any kind of relationship including friendships.
When people are on the same wavelength, they understand each other perfectly without having to explain things or what they meant, even if they use the wrong words, and they pick up on how the other is feeling, they enjoy spending time together doing things they have in common or even just learning a new hobby from each other and enjoying it. A friendship should flow easily. I can tell in one conversation with a person if we will click as friends or not, and if not, they end up being persons I know (acquaintances) but not people I prefer to spend my time with. So rather than having a friendship problem, I think it may be having a lack of friends or knowing how to find a friend. To find friends, you start looking where you have things in common. For example, if you like running and are on track team, or other sports, girls soccer, etc... you would already have soccer in common with the other team mates, so that is a good place to start looking for friends. However, having only one thing in common isn't enough for having a friend. You will look for other things in common, favorite music, bands, favorite subjects in school, (I liked language arts and reading and poetry. So if you like to write or create poems for fun, not even school assignments, that is another thing you look for. Lets say you have cats or dogs at home but have a craving to have a rabbit. If you find someone who already has a rabbit, you might have that in common, can learn from her about rabbit care and what kind of pets they make before talking the parents into it. If you are artistic, then find someone who is into art as well and shares other things in common.
I know the feeling of standing on the outside and listening to a group talking and not knowing what they are talking about such as if they are talking about ones sibling that the others know and you don't, a movie they all saw but you didn't. I noticed this mostly at a new church and in listening in, I was trying to find those I might have something in common with. Rather than join a group of already established friends whom I had nothing in common with, I made friends with one person at a time which is lots easier than finding an entire group of people you have something in common with. Join clubs at school where you have already an interest. I liked art so I joined a club that was responsible in HS for handcreating birthday cards for every person having a birthday in the following week at school and these were given to teachers to give to the kids at their home room class. I met and made a friend there who introduced me to her two other friends whom I enjoyed well enough but I didn't have as much in common with. I hope this gives you ideas. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
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