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I think my assistant teacher hates me.
Hello, I'm 22 and a recent college graduate with my bachelors. I worked retail for four years before I got my present job as a lead teacher at a preschool. It won't be my forever job but it'll give me the experience for my resume which will, in turn, help me get a good job for my degree.
Anyway, per state laws: I cannot be the only adult with my 10 children as there is a 5:1 ratio that I need to follow. So I have an assistant teacher. She's been working here for about two years so she knows her stuff but I also think that she really doesn't like me. I went in this past weekend to take all of last school years things down and put up my own. It took me longer than I anticipated to take everything down so there is more stuff bare than full. I came in this morning so excited for my assistant to see my new bulletin board and everything and she yelled at me for changing the room and making it look bad. When the overtime was offered to change the room over the weekend, she told me that she wasn't coming in on the weekend and that I can do whatever I want. Then she goes and yells at me for doing just that. Today, my kids were painting for their craft and as I was cleaning them all up in the bathroom, one got into a box of toys that I didn't see and my assistant yelled at me and told me that I need to be better at doing two things at once.
I really don't want to confront my boss about it but it's going to make this whole school year miserable for me if she keeps demeaning my work here as well. Plus, I've only been here for about two weeks. I just don't know what to do about her and how to make the situation better. I always ask her how she does things and advise so I don't do anything wrong in her eyes and it always just backfires.
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I wasn't clear on whether she's chewing you out in front of the kids or from where they can still see or hear it. Besides the yelling, how its done is equally important. When a team is leading children such as parents, they are taught to show a untied front so that kids don't play one parent against the other. That is needed in your situation too or the kids will pick and choose whom they wish to listen to/follow at the moment even if it undermines your lead or school rules.
So when confronting her about how she is talking and that its not appropriate and won't be tolerated, make sure she understands that any time she needs to speak with you or feels there is a need to set something straight that you may not have remembered, it should be done in private, not when the kids are around and done in a gentle kind tone.
My first reactions like adviceman is that it isn't that she doesnt like you. I also believe she is upset she didn't get your position. I also got the thought that she also just might be one of those few people we meet in life who are truly unhappy in every area of their life and their main purpose in life is to make all those around them even more unhappy than them so they can feel a little better about their life. So don't take it personally, but also dont allow it to go on. Talk to your boss, or whoever hired you if she doesnt change immediately.
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First explain to her that you are the lead teacher and things will be done your way. If she does not want or like the way you do things she knows where the door is. In other words take control and own your job. Also follow Razhies advice on how to handle the way she talks to you. When you do need to correct her take her aside when you do. Do not correct her in front of the students.
My knee jerk reaction to why she is down on everything you do is this. Most likely she expected to get the job you have as a lead teacher. She has two years experience dealing with the children while you are a recent college grad. Is she qualified or as qualified for the job as you? Probably not or they may have considered giving the job to her. In any case I believe she is angry for not getting the position and taking it out on you.
Therefore my advice is to follow what I wrote in the first paragraph. Sit her down and make her understand who is in control of the classroom, who sets the agenda for the day/week/month and just what you expect of her as your back up in the classroom. Again remind her if she is not comfortable with being the second the exit door is always open. Do not be afraid to use those exact terms. You need to demonstrate to her that your in charge and she follows your lead or she can leave.
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"That's not an acceptable way to speak to me."
Seriously, if she yelling, she needs to be told clearly, that that is not how you'll accept communication in your classroom.
If there is a problem after that, then do ask your boss what advice he'd give you to deal with her negativity, and her raising her voice.
Just like one of your little students—she doesn't have to like you. She has to follow the rules and not be cruel to those around her. Next time it happens, take her aside and let her know that she is not using appropriate ways to express her opinions or unhappiness.
Stop trying to win her love, and start being the leader in the classroom. If she is yelling at you, or being endlessly critical, you need to tell her she's not performing to the level expected. I know it's can be awkward in a new place, because of course you value her experience, but if she must be expected to share that experience in professional and polite ways.
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