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I don't know whether to move on or get back together ..
I know this is long.. but I am torn and need help. If you read to the end, thank you so much.
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. We started out as friends. We had long deep conversation. We became closer and closer and we discovered our similarities. So similar that it was incredible. We fell deeply in love with each other. Now as to our relationship... I could go on for hours. It was the most beautiful experience I've ever had. No ex compared. Believe me, it was special and precious. And we never fought. We were too sensitive and loving towards each other. Our discussions were calm and understanding, always.
We made promises. We knew each other for a year and were together for about half a year. However we weren't able to visit each other because of other circumstances but we were committed to this.
Until one day, it was shattered. I'll start by saying
he promised me that he wouldn't flirt with other girls. We mutually promised not to flirt with others. With that said he also promised me he wouldn't call other girls cute, pretty, hot, or anything like that to their faces. He also told me he wouldn't act in anyway to suggest he wants to be flirty. Also he said he wouldn't say "awww" to a girl, and promised me that even if it sounds silly. He also told me if a girl flirts with him he would not engage with it, and that he would say he has a girlfriend and ask her to stop flirting. He also told me he won't compliment other girls. He also claimed he didn't even find others hot or attractive other than me now because he is only focused on me. But my friend messaged him on Kik messenger , flirting with him to find out of his loyalty is the real deal. For some time after she told me she did , I asked her to show me his response then and she always had an excuse why she couldn't. Later they turned out to be valid but she hasn't showed me until after my wondering why she wouldn't and my fear, I did it myself with a new username and picture.
On this other account I had made, the conversation went like this. "Her" refers to the answers I typed. It wasn't really another girl. It was me and he didn't know it.
Her: hey
Him : hey
Her: how are you?
Him: great , thank you. How are you?
Her: great as well. I like your pic. Your hair looks interesting
Him: awww thank you :)
Him: I like your pic too
Her: you're really cute ;)
Him: awww you think so?
Her: yes I do
Him: so are you
________
He broke his promises here. The conversation was obviously flirty in nature. And remember how i said he wouldn't say awww or awww thank you? He did this. He also didn't tell her something such as "I have a girlfriend and I'm not interested in talking this way" like he promised me he would if a girl was flirting. He also told me that he'd tell me about it if a girl did but he did not although he was chatting with her in this fashion.
His excuse was that he just did it because he was stupid... I told him I knew he did it because he enjoyed the attention and enjoyed flirting with her. He denied that and claimed it was just a "reflex" because he's used to talking to me that way. That sounds like a lie because it just sounds stupid and made up. Also because it cant a reflex from talking to me that way. The girl clearly wasn't me and it isn't like he typed without thinking. They were talking back and forth and he knew exactly what he was saying.
________
Now I'll write the conversation that my friend had initially had with him, and she had eventually shown me after I told her what happened. So, here is how this conversation with my friend on the Kik messenger with him went:
Hee: hey cutie we met a while ago wanna chat?
Him: we did?
Her: yes we did
Him the next day when we woke up: oh okay haha. Why did want to text me? :)
Her hours later: you're really hot!!
Him: I am? Thank you
Him several hours later: so you want to do things?
Him another several hours later: are you there?
He broke his promises here too. He didn't tell her he has a girlfriend and that he isn't interested. He asked her to do things [[ he thinks this phrase refers to sexual things .. ]] then asked if she's there.
__________ I confronted him And his excuse was that he wanted to find out how she got his kik and if she's just one of those kind of girls just looking to do things, you know. He told me he asked her to do things but wouldn't actually do it. He told me he asked her to do this because if she says yes that means she only wants to do that he said, And that would mean she's fake because no one texts a stranger and just starts falling them cute and hot. So I asked him why he would even care anyway. He said because he wanted to know how she got his kik.
But that excuse sound like a lie because he didn't have to ask her that to find out. And all in all he still broke promises with both of them.
But then I started second guessing my decision. He told me everyone makes mistakes and his friends all thought I shouldn't have broken up over it. I was scared that I threw away something amazing because of his "mistake". Yet , I have trouble believing his excuses and he still broke promises. I'm torn. I tell myself I'll find someone better but actually, I'm afraid I won't. And the way him and i were each other's closest friends.. best friends , before we fell in love and came together.. that's another thing im afraid I won't find, along with everything else I want. And moving on is already hard itself.. nobody is him. I love HIM. and I don't even feel like I'll find what I want. Something that will compare.
I want to take him back in away because of our beautiful past but ... The mistrust. And I don't even know if he's honest.
I don't know what to do :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My favorite kind of love is love between two best friends. I am heartbroken after reading this and I am truly sorry that you lost your trust in the one person that you love the most. And I understand that it's really hard for you because you're not only losing your boyfriend, but your best friend as well. That must be really hard. So what my advice would be is to give him a chance. Just one. This is not something that you should just throw away over some messages. Yeah I get that you don't feel like you can fully trust him again, but you might be losing a wonderful thing here. And then, there's no going back once you do. So try to trust him again. Give love and your bestfriendship another chance. It's worth that much.
Best wishes, Cvete :)
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