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Who is right? Me or my dad?
I am 16 and I have had my license for about two months now. However, I have not been able to once drive myself around somewhere because I don't have a car. There are cars available, but my parents don't allow me to drive them because I'm not registered to them or something? It has to do with insurance, I'm not sure with the specifics. Anyway, there is a BMW in the garage that is supposed to go to me, but it doesn't pass smog bc there is a part that needs to be replaced. However, this part costs like $2700 and my dad doesn't have the money to just pay all of that up front. Along with that, all of the tires need to be replaced, and a lot of other things. With that really expensive part, not every mechanic can fix it, but my dad heard about this mechanic from his uncle who can most likely fix it. So, in about 2 weeks, he's going to hear back from my uncle if the mechanic is really worth it, and then he's going to fix the car. Basically, fixing this car is a work in progress and it's going to take a couple months, most likely until November. However, it's August right now, and I just started school, so The people taking me to school everyday are my aunt and my grandpa. This whole summer, I had no idea about the situation of the car and what was really wrong with it. Every time I asked my dad about the car, he would just say that I have to finish some project for him (not going into that) and then I would get the car. However, the project was not working at all bc my dad was really hard to work with and it would have taken too long, so I told my mom that I don't want to do this project anymore and I just want the car fixed so I can take myself to school & get to places for the extracurricular activities I'm involved in without having to ask for a fucking ride EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have missed out on so many important things just because I didn't have a ride. So when I talked to my mom, I told her to tell my dad (because he gets all pissy when I ask him about it) if he can just fix the car and give it to me. I already have a 4.2 GPA, I have a really high position in the biggest club of the school, etc, I have a lot of achievements that I've done all for my parents so that they can reward me with things (like a car in this case) when I need them. My mom talked to my dad and he explained this whole car situation to her. However, the thing is that I HAD NO IDEA WHY THE CAR COULD NOT BE FIXED BECAUSE HE NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO TELL ME. The only reason I thought he wouldn't fix it was because I wouldn't finish the project, once I finished the project, the car would take about a month to be fixed and then I could start driving it. That's WHAT I THOUGHT BECAUSE THATS WHAT HE TOLD ME, I never once knew that the reason why the car wasn't able to be fixed was bc of a much more complex problem that takes a lot of time and energy to fix. Today I talked to him about it and he finally explained to me, after months of me stressing out and thinking he wouldn't give the car to me because he wanted me to work for it. Left and right everyday I would see kids in my grade getting new cars when they fail every since class of theirs and are horrible kids when I'm over here being such a great daughter, listening to my parents, doing really good in school and outside of school. It really angered me. Then, today, after he explained the situation of the car to me, he got mad and told me that I'm an idiot who just wants things right there right then. Well, of course I would want it "right there right then" if u made the car seem like it just needed a small little fix? I kept telling him that he never told me the actual situation of the car, so how was I supposed to go about it the right way? But he didn't understand. He kept calling me a moron and stupid because I keep wanting the car immediately when it's a huge work in progress, but I didn't even know because he never took the time to tell me!!!!!! Once he told me I understood completely, but he kept insulting me afterwards and so I blew up because he MADE me look like an idiot, but he couldn't handle it so he yelled really loud. Like , really loud. So I just walked away. I don't know if this made sense but who do u think is right in this case?
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TO start with you and your dad are both wrong. As parents we are a strange breed. . Now this is going to sound a bit strange even dumb but it is truthful.
As parents we want a better life for our children. IF we can't provide something better than we had it hurts us and we don't want to show that hurt so we make excuses or we find reason to blame the child for not getting or providing what they need or want. My father was really good at that.
My sister and I were well into our adult lives when we realized something our dad told us was an excuse for him not having the money but he put the blame on us for not giving us something. He had converted the attic in our home into two bedrooms and a bathroom for us. We were supposed to get carpeting and we even gone so far as to pick out the color and type of carpeting we wanted. When it came time to install the carpeting he blew up at us and said. "IF you two can't keep your rooms clean I'm not paying for carpeting." "The next day when we came home from school he had installed floor tile. At the time it never dawned on us he had planned all along to put tile down when the time came rather than be truthful with us he became enraged and made it our fault. Sound familiar.
Your dads wrong for not being truthful with you and like my dad giving you a goal which he may have known you would not complete allowing him to shall we say renege on his promise to fix the car for you.
You’re wrong for harping. Your 16 by know you should understand the more you harp on something the more he is going to dig his heals in. He knows you want the car. To continue to harp after he told you what needed to be fixed, how much it would cost and he didn't have the money to fix it is wrong.
You don't say how old the car is but cars decrease in value the minute you drive them off the dealer’s lot. That $2,700 plus whatever else has to be fixed may be more than the car is worth. To you it is transportation to dad it is higher insurance bills and possibly and endless money pit to keep it on the road.
Since one of the problems is you are not listed on the insurance dads insurance bill has not yet gone up for having a teenage driver on it. If you want to be able to drive one of the working cars my suggestion is as follows.
Offer to get and after school job; yes you will have to give up some after school activities. The after school job will allow you to reimburse your dad the higher cost of you driving. This would be a good compromise until dad can decide whether it is worth fixing the car in the garage or finding a working car he can afford to purchase.
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Your father was wrong not to be clear with you about the car's problems and the process and cost.
However, you're also in the wrong, because a car isn't a thing you get for being an awesome daughter or having good grades. If your parents don't have the money, then you don't get a car. You were impatient and disrespectful. That doesn't excuse your father's mistakes, but you can't pretend to be completely innocent here. There were lots of chances for you to behave better, even without knowing the entire situation about the car, and you got worked up, jealous, and indignant over a gift.
You've also failed to understand the fact you cannot drive a car if you are not insured to drive that car—it could put you and your parents in a whole heap of legal trouble and send their insurance costs skyrocketing for the rest of their lives.
It's time to stop flipping out that your gift—a car—isn't ready yet. It's a very generous gift. Instead, you should do some research about adding yourself to the insurance on one of the other cars, and look at your own bank account or ability to make money to assist with any costs. If you are in rush, it's going to take money and insurance legwork. If you aren't in a position to help your parents with either of those things, then you need to be patient.
You're demanding your parents take on a large cost, and you are being impatient. There is more to having a car than just getting your licence and good grades. You keep thinking this is about 'deserving it', when there are actually other factors here. Many very good young people never get a car, because neither they or their parents can afford it.
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You may be thinking of right as in correct vs wrong. I only see the word "Right" in its other meaning of being fair or right. Your situation is one that cant easily be answered right or wrong but if you want to know who has rights, both of you do.
Until you turn 18, your parents must cover your basic needs. They are obligated to provide a roof over your head, clothes to wear and food to eat. Pretty much anything beyond that in a court of law wouldn't be seen as a neccessity. Any tests or requirements the parents have given you are for their own reasons, hopefully to give you some experience at doing adult things before you legally become an adult at 18 and can be responsible for yourself.
Now, as for your rights, you had a right to be spoken to civilly as an adult to be. This should be part of helping you understand how to reason out difficult decisions and hopefully have a chance to toss out some possible solutions to whatever issues are going on. In this one with the car and not being told anything, it was unfair, but even if Dad had talked to you, you still may not have been able to get the car cus it may not be fixable or the parents don't have the money to pay for it. then theres the thing about insurance. Usually parents will put their children under their insurance if using parents car. Since this will be your own car once you do get it, if money if tight, they may not be able to pay for insurance. You might be thinking about ways that you might be able to pay for insurance. Take some time to check with insurance companies what it will cost. Then check if you can find a job that will cover it. As a parent myself, I gave my kids certain responsibilities when they were still teens so they could get experience handling adult things. I still remember middle daughter needing to call on an issue with something but she was afraid to make the call and wasnt sure what questions to ask or what info to give the call center for help. I stood next to her as she made the call on speaker and if she got stuck, she motioned to me and I whispered what she needed to ask next. I think it was a banking problem and it got solved. However, this meant, as a parent, I had to be willing to be alongside and communicate and help her so she could have some successes. There are some places that hire at 16. A fast food place I work at hired a 16 yr old guy who really is doing well and the customers like him by comments they make.
I'd like to point out that as a teen girl, your patience may be a bit limited due to hormones of puberty still making your emotions go out of hand at times. All females go thru this to some extent or another. Try to think of this situation of yours as an opportunity to learn to grow your patience with difficult people in the world cus long after your parents are out of the picture, you'll be dealing with plenty of not so nice to downright nasty people out there that you simply can't avoid having to deal with. I am sorry your Dad called you names, putting you down. My kids's Dad did the same thing bringing my girls to tears. I had adult witnesses besides my kids to report the same thing, that Dad was acting more like a kid than an adult. IT would be a more perfect world if kids could have parents who were truly mature adults and terrific at parenting. However, thats not the real world. Those kids who get bad grades and don't have to work for getting a car, are being given whatever they want without having to either work for it or learn some responsibility. So once they turn 18 and later when older, they won't have a clue how to go about being an adult and have a much harder time making their way in the world as an adult.
Use mom as much as you can to talk to Dad when he's unreasonable. If he has siblings, your aunts and uncles whom he's close to and listens to, you can always find time to have a chat with them and run the issue past them as you have with us. They know him the best and can let you know if he's always had trouble with communicating well when it is important to do so. Dont whine or complain, just go about it adultlike and see what they may have to suggest. Your mom may be too close to him or used to him to see much of a problem.
You did state you have a drivers license. It may be different in your state, but where I live, teens aren't even able to get a learners permit until 16 so depending on how much driving experience they get with a passenger who is a licensed good driver of a certain age in their 20s.
If you have not been able to drive yourself around, I just wanted to point this out in case what you have is not an actual license where you can drive yourself even if you had a working insured car right now, but a learners permit license instead.
Good luck in everything.
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