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My mom is annoying
I'm a 12 year old female. Every day I'll have a nice day, come home happy then when she comes home and if I so much as complain because I stubbed my toe or something she'll start talking about me as though I'm not in the room. She then stsrts asking me questions. She'll ask how I am, I'll say good then she'll follow up with 900 more questions. She keeps bringing up a girl I haven't talked to in months. She makes me extremely stressed out to the point I'm about to have a panic attack and I'm hyperventilating. It annoys me, and the worst part is if I try to explain my feelings to her she'll either just pretend to go along with it to shut me up or start talling about the age. Her and my dad are always making fun of me, my interests, my hobbies, my friends, the music I like, the clothes I wear...then wonder why I just stay in my room only talk to my friends not them, listen to music all the time read a bunch and scroll through feminist accounts on instagram. How do I stop her?
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I can think of another possibilty, that your personality type is a more quiet, reserved, type and the parents could be the total opposite. I know being so outgoing that
around certain people I have to be with like co workers in the past, theres always going to be people that don't like my personality cus it clashes with theirs. I'm too boisterous for them
This could be part of the problem.
Another could be that you are struggling with the hormonal changes, and body growth isn't the only change, the hormones affect our emotions too. So mom may have easily forgotten how emotional she was during puberty. Usually one is extra easily sad or weepy or irritated or angers over things that really shouldnt do that. Irritated for no good reason. I was once a teen and remembered well and told my daughters, I had 3 who were hormonal at once. They fought each other too easily over absolutely nothing.
It sounds like you have tried at times to give her more information but her reactions or words are what is cutting you off from trying too hard. I can't blame you there. As the other person said, its probably that the parents have forgotten what its like to be a teenager. I would suggest you write all your grievances out and keep rewriting that letter til you can get it to be objective and also not point blame especially if its unintentional on their part, just own your feelings. Such an example would be: When you ask for details and I give it, I feel most the time that your responses to me are what makes me might to hide and not go through this again. I feel ridiculed. I may not know as much as an adult yet but it feels like I am not given any respect. I wonder if another adult was talked to the same way would they feel disrespected? Notice you dont say you make me feel or if you talked this way to an adult, meaning it could be any other person acting this way.
You don't have the same problems with Dad asking too many questions? At least I didnt see that. Perhaps in this case, Mom has been growing distressed with her life, financIAl troubles, marital ones, or perhaps it hasn't been until lately that mental issues if she has any have finnaly become obvious enough to be known. aNY OF THAT could be a reason for how she is acting.
But is it true that parents usually just don't get the interest in current day music, styles, etc and while they dont have to change with the times, they should learn to respect and accept the preferences of younger people, while they choose to live in the past.
I can't say whether they tease in a loving way as lots of families do or whether in hurtful ways. I also used to be real shy/social anxiety as a kid and not as sure of myself so I even took friendly teasing of kids wanting to become friends as ugly bad stuff, thinking they were trying to hurt me on purpose. Either you are that sensitive and part of it is the age as all teens suffer that to some extent, worried about what the other people say to them or about them. Or...it could be that the whole family, parents included could use some basic training in learning the right way to resolve conflict and communicate with people, thing which if they never ever learned them, they wouldn't know how to pass it on to you and teach you. Asking tons of questions and talking at you rather than asking few questions and just listening to you is one of the obvious problems. It also occurs to me that my parents didn't know how difficult things were for me until I told them. Thats why I suggest writing a nice letter explaining to them how certain actions make you feel and theres no exception whether you get that from other people or at home from family. You want home to be the place where you feel safe and supported and built up so thats why you're letting them know. If you want to write a letter and then pass it by me to look over for fine tuning, I'd be glad to help. I mention a written letter because you don't have to be there when they read it and that way, they can't react immediately with knee jerk feelings to what you wrote. They simply maY not be aware of how this all is bothering you. People get too engrossed in their own world and issues to even stop and think of how their actions may be affecting someone else. This is what your letter is for, to let them know its time to think about how it is living life in your shoes. You could also check with a school counsel if all your attempts fail to get good convo going and some changes to happen around home that all of you are okay with. It may be better coming from a school counselor to suggest family counseling than from ones own child. Good luck dear.
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Welcome to the teenage years. It's funny how we parents forget what it was like when we were your age. we seem to remember again when we get to my age as grandparents.
I cannot give you a real good answer as I don't know your mom and there is just not enough information her to make a judgment. What I will say is some parents try to relive their youth through their children. Some parents try to control their children through intense questioning. The reason for this is teenagers rarely discuss their daily lives with parents.
As you said mom asks how school was you said good you did not elaborate. Mom was not asking for a detailed litany but would've like to of heard a synopsis of your day perhaps.
As for your music, hobbies and cloths. Nothing has changed since I was your age back when the Flintstones roamed this earth. My father did not like the style that was in at the time and flat refused to allow me to wear it. My mom had to buy the in clothes for me and I had to hide it from my dad sometimes changing at a friends house. As for music nothing you listens to is as good as the music we listens to. Back when we were your age we had meaningful music. Your parents say this, I say this and my grandparents said this. It is just the way things are. Ours was always better. Just deal with it.
Try and give mom more than just good about school as for friends and other things; try to be a bit more open as well. If so maybe mom will back off a bit.
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Hi there! So, the situation seems to be that your parents and Mom in particular seem to: Bombard you with questions, many of which seem intrusive, like poking their noses into your business. Don't seem to 'get' the stuff you are into at all. And you: Find the company of similar age friends more enjoyable, and if not like you prefer your own space and your own company (your room, listening to music, looking at stuff online that interests you etc). I've got to say this is a very common situation indeed. It all stems from the fact that you are going through a big transition (or 'changing' if you prefer) period. Going from being a child (where most, if not all of your world is centered around parents), to becoming a more grown-up and independent person. Finding your own identity. Seeing how you fit into the wider world , not just how you fit into the self-contained world of your parents. It's nearly always a 'difficult' time for everyone involved. There is always some amount of tension, and friction (ie. arguments!). But we all have to live through it. You're maybe thinking that if that's so, and I could forsee it coming and make allowances for it, why haven't your parents? Because it's far easier to write this than to live it, and you are not my daughter. You are to some extent, 'living in each others pockets' as you might say and when people spend a lot of time together the tensions and things are going to be far more pressing, part of your daily lives, and thus likely to boil over sometimes. Basically, if you were my daughter, despite my best efforts, right now we'd argue like cat and dog from time to time too!! It does get better. They'll still be Mom and Dad. You'll still be their daughter. But you won't be JUST their daughter and nothing more any longer. You'll be an individaul in your own right. That's the key to the whole thing really. Obviously, anxiety and panic attacks are not a good thing. As you say they are the result of stress. I'm hoping you are feeling a bit more informed as to why these family dynamics are suddenly appearing so strongly? You're seeing a bigger picture? So next time you are browsing online, how about looking-up some advice/info on 'stress management' and 'anger management'? Find some ideas about how to (literally) 'manage' and control these feelings when the come up, in a good and effective way. Feelings of stress and anger/annoyance are part of life. We cannot always avoid them. But we can control how we react to them. Good luck searching. Make it a part of that 'finding yourself' process? School and work, boyfriends and late ar partner and even children of your own WILL cause you stress. A good management regime is priceless. All the best mate. You'll find a way through it. Without murdering Mom & Dad and hiding the bodies!
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