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speaking up
One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to speak up more. I have a tendency to just sit quietly and listen to everything going on around me, even if I have something I would like to say.
I do this whether I'm hanging out with my friends, in class, or in small group at Youth Group. I know that in class I'm a little scared to speak up, I am afraid of being judged, its kind of a social anxiety thing, but with my friends and at Youth Group I feel totally safe talking, I just don't say anything.
I want to come up with some ways to prompt myself or give myself courage to just say what I want to say, or to raise my hand in class. I talked to my Youth Group leader about it, and he said that he will make a point of asking me questions in small group, just to help me out a little bit, so that's good. However, I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help me out with this. Any little things I can do to help myself?
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If they are truley your friends they will love to hear what ever it is you have to say .if not they don't deserve to be in your company. Just talk I'm confident you will say something everyone will want to hear .billy
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I'm in the same boat. It's hard to speak your mind sometimes especially when your in a room with a lot of outspoken people. What I'm learning is that you just have to push yourself a little and move out of your comfortable zone. Voice your opinions more even if you don't feel comfortable. I've been told that the more you do it the easier it gets.
Peace & Love,
Advice Mistress
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I had extreme social anxiety as a child and teen. It wasn't til my senior yr HS that I was finally so sick and tired of being like that, that I asked God for help. Like you, at a conscious level, I knew who I could trust and at a surface level felt comfortable with but at a deeper level, with the subconscious mind, where all our emotions live and come from, it wasnt the same. It takes retraining of your subconscious and so I will share with GOD gave me to do and it did help.
It also works better doing the exercises daily with people you do not know because of course there is no trust there and having some trust I guess would mess up the ability to truly learn to overcome social anxiety at any level. i am sure you want to learn to overcome it not on just one level but all as well.
Skip any steps you already have no problem with and start at whichever one is hard for you. I had to start with just eye contact and smiling at strangers which freaked me out!!
Step 1 Smile at strangers. This is hard for some. For me, I was worried it would encourage them to say Hi to me and I was too afraid to get into a conversation with people other than my own family members. Do this til comfortable with it each time and move on to next step.
Step 2 Smile at a stranger and say Hello. Already this was more threatening to me. Now for sure i thought a stranger would take the 'hello' as an invite to talk for sure but no one ever did. See, people have their own time schedule and tasks to accomplish and don't have the time or desire to stop and chat with a stranger. dO THIS til comfortable with it and move to next step.
Step 3. Do step 2 and add making a compliment. If its the grocery clerk, and shes wearing jewelry and you like it, tell her so, that her earrings are very pretty. The smallest response you'll get is a thankyou. The longest response may be how they got them, My daughter got it for my Birthday, for Mothers Day gift. You can then say something some to acknowledge you heard her like Thats nice or You have a wonderful daughter.
Or just a your welcome to a thankyou.
Step 4. Okay, this is the hardest but if you got to a point where you were comfortable with complimenting strangers, then this wont be as bad as you might think. this step involves you starting a conversation with a stranger that pertains to where you both are or a situation in which you both are present. I found this easiest in stores. In grocery picking out cantaloupe i saw a women tapping and listening to watermelon. So I asked, Excuse me, what it is that you are doing. She explained this as a method to help choose a ripe watermelon. I then asked if she had a trick to pick the ripest most flavorful cantaloupe and she explained that. When its a situation based verbal exchange, it's easier. At a clothing rack, if I am not finding anything in the size I want, I'll ask another woman at the same rack if she's having success finding what she wants. SHe answers and I might say, I'm looking for a size ..... so if you see it on your side, let me know. Oh and let me know what I can keep a look out for to help you. Stuff like that is easier is its related to the situation.
By time you're comfortable with this, there shouldnt be a problem with talking to anyone.
As to being in a group and having something to add to the subject being discussed but someone speaks up before you changing the subject... that happens all the time. So now, I wait for just a small empty spot of no one speaking up quickly ad say, Well hey, back to the topic of .... I had something I wanted to share but didnt get a chance. then launch into it.
Heres something you need to know to realize that no matter who the person is you are talking to, between the 4 basic personality types that are friendly, outgoing and supportive of others. I am in my 50s now, so since my Sr HS year of being able to talk to people, its rare I have come across people who don't like talking to others, are loners, short and snotty with people and as hard as I try to remember, maybe 10 people in 40 yrs, thats about 1 every 4 yrs and as soon as I can feel they do not like being social, (totally separate from shy or social anxiety) I back off and end my interaction with them asap and don't take it personally. You can handle that, if I can, you can. And thats about it. It might sound silly but it worked for me. If you want to learn how to start a new turn of conversation, think of something you saw on sale, the kind of clothes or makeup that kids your age are into and announce, Hey, you guys need to hear about this sale if you haven't yet. then tell what it is, where its at and the price. One may know but the others may not. Or if your favorite singer just released a new song, ask your friends who are discussing cute boys, "Not to get away from talking about cute boys but my favorite singer or band has someone that looks like/sounds like the boy you were talking about and they just released this new song called ..... have you heard it yet? aND you've just started a new conversation but this time linking it to something they were already talking about. Hope this helps
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