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Cancer, friendship, and sex
One of my best friends has metastatic breast cancer. It's starting to progress pretty quickly at this point, although she still has some really good days. So, here's my question to you all...
We've always been attracted to each other. However, because her gf (who is actually an ex at this point...its complicated) and I are good friends and we're adults, we've never, ever acted on it. Talked about it, but never done anything. If we'd met before she met my friend, we'd be together, for sure. But she and the gf don't have sex, ever, and haven't for a very, very long time. She says the gf is a really, really bad lover. But she does want to have one night of great, passionate sex before the cancer takes away her ability to enjoy it. We haven't talked about this at all, but I can give that to her, and I'd LIKE to give that to her. I just don't know if its appropriate to make the offer. I was thinking it would only be a one-time thing, and kept completely confidential forever and ever. Is this a really bad idea?
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I hope you still haven't had sex with her if not then I suggest that its not advisable to have sex with her. Death is inevitable and one day everyone has to taste it. However if you decide to have sex with her she might be leaving in a short while but you still have a life to live. The moments you share with her will be printed all over your mind for times to come. It will become tough for you to live your normal life. By the way you should pray for the dying soul to enter heaven instead of involving her in an act which is going to last for few hours and not recognized by religion even. Hope you ll understand and let her leave this world peacefully and let yourself live a normal life.
Tell her to find peace in religion in her last moments. Play surah Yaseen audio for her, someone told me it brings peace to the listener and help easing the last moments of life. Try it just try it once and let me know if she feels a change. Ask her to close her eyes and listen to it. Please.
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I think you are a good friend to want to give her that one night of good sex that she wants. The fact that you know she wants a one night of good passionate sex says at some point she communicated this to you. To my mind doing so opened the door for you to either go ahead or make advances or to ask her if she would like you to give her that night of passionate sex.
I must warn you that sex under these circumstances will be very emotional for both of you. Because of the intimacy shared in sex there is always a bond formed between lovers even in the one night stand. So prepare yourself in advance that this one night stand, onetime thing is going to be far more emotional for you than you believe at this time.
You two are friends, she is ill with a disease as you say is 100% fatal. You are going to give her a night of passionate sex then watch as the illness takes her. This is a wonderful thing you’re willing to do for even if you didn't have feelings for her, though you do have some. Before you make the offer or just go ahead and start to make love to her ask yourself this question.
ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT YOU WILL FORM WITH HER AND THE EVENTUAL OUTCOME?
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No not a bad idea. However, females form emotional bonds very quickly when sex is involved so who knows, maybe one time might put her in a position of wanting you more. The real question is whether you are single or in a relationship yourself. If you are, then its a bad idea, even if its something you want to do just once and just a good reason, you just aren't available. Lets say your lover comes to you and says they want to do this same special thing for a friend, just once...would you be okay with it? Or what if you were never told and found out later? Would it feel like cheating to you.
She pretty much has told you everything she's feeling and wishing for. If someone can be that open to share such a wish with you, obviously she is hoping you'll volunteer, so she doesn't have to come out and ask and be turned down.
Depending on how bad the cancer has spread and what doctors prognosis for her is, either she has a chance yet to fight it and recover or has been given a short time to live. If she recovers, I don't think that cancer or any other kind of illness can take away ability to enjoy sex unless we're talking about removing sex organs, clit and vagina too. You might have to provide more info that I am not aware of. All I know is that often, a person who has struggled with something terrible can believe themselves to be damaged goods whom no one will want now. And thats the only thing I know of that could take away ones ability to enjoy sex.
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If you haven't talked about it at all, how do you know she wants to have one night of great passionate sex?
So, you've talked about it. She's opened at the door on that conversation at some point. If you want in there, then it's probably time to speak up.
Lets be real: It's probably not a great idea. Putting aside for a second the idea of 'giving' somebody sex - rather than sharing a good time with someone - it will almost certainly leave you both emotionally raw, conflicted and even more vulnerable in a time that that is already going to be very challenging, for her, for her partner, and for you. Even if stays a secret (which is may not) it's going to have an impact on your friendship and that impact might not be all positive.
I'm pretty sure you've already decided to do this, so just do yourself this much of a favour: Be honest with her and believe what she says to you. Trust her if she says no, or she's not sure. Don't push or prod. And tell her honestly that you want to have sex with her - not because you pity her or want to do this FOR her. It's not a charity case and you aren't doing her a favour - you wanna fuck her. Don't pretend to be a selfless hero. That isn't what you are doing. You want to have sex with her because YOU want to have sex with her - not because you want to give her the 'gift' of good sex.
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