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Scared to live alone
Tonight's my first night staying in a house by myself ever. I've seriously never done this before and I wouldn't admit it if this wasn't anonymous, but I'm scared. I live in a nice neighborhood and don't know of a single break in that's ever happened here, but I still can't help feeling a little nervous about it. I'm a woman by the way and I'm paranoid about what would happen if the wrong person found out that I live alone. I have three small dogs who bark at noises. Part of me thinks that will make thing better, but the other part thinks it will make things worse. I feel like they'll let me know if someone's outside or anything. However, I also think they'll scare !e when they bark at nothing and then I'll get used to it and ignore them if something actually does happen. Is it rational to have these fears?
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It's normal for a person to be scared to live alone, like me i was scared before to live alone because of what i imagine that something would come out when i'm alone. But now i'm not afraid of being alone because i grew up, and just think of my friends and family being with me all the time.
Also in the bible says that you're never alone, God is always with you.
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Adviceman gave good advice. However I was following your thought processes as you came up with one scenerio and then the what if that lead you on to the next negative thought.
So I can't help but think, that even if you do follow all his advice, your anxieties are not going to go away, not even diminish a little bit.
Next you'd be doubled checking to make sure there are bullets in your gun, double and triple checking your alarm system just in case you might have forgotten. Even though you;ve never stayed alone in a house by yourself before, you have these fears. I can understand if you'd gone thru a bad experience but you personally didn't. Is there someone you know who did experience a break in, not in your neighborhood but somewhere?
If you've taken all the smart precautions and still have these fears, then you need to realize at that point they are not normal. It is good to not trust that a neighborhood is safe simply because theres never been a break in.
{People can have a specific anxiety or have anxieties that crop up in other area's of life.
I am currently reading a book on just that subject, anxieties and depression and how a person can be helped to get beyond negative thinking that causes these anxieties along with the help of a psychologist trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy..a cognition being a thought and its often our own thought process that cause fears that have no basis in reality.
So you can go ahead and take all the steps listed to protect yourself which are good. But in themselves, they will not alleviate your fears and anxieties because you will think up new scenerios to remain scared. And hon, a good portion of society is plagued by more negative thought than positive ones. its just that some of us naturally never really paid them much mind or dwellt on them. I did as a kid have anxieties social, and others. I got over them in my late teens because I was desperate enough to do whatever it took to get over them and never have them again But it meant facing my fear which initially was uncomfortable. But in each case I discovered I had distorted, illogical thoughts which can be called a 'mental con game' making me feel the way I was thinking. I now know that changing how I thought changed how I felt. Anxieties are all about telling oneself youre in danger and something bad is going to happen. And once a person feels anxious, the negative thoughts reinforce each other until you're caught in a vicious cycle. So if you discover this is whats really going on for you, remember, many people do this and have to learn how to correct their thinking. It doesnt mean you are broken or have something so wrong that no one will like you. It is simply going to be limiting you in being able to do things and enjoy life as much as possible cus its not a joy or fun to sit around and constantly worry...I know. Here's a website to check out. I am reading, "When Panic Attacks." found at my library. I would think most have them. But if you do go this road, the book works better with the guidance of a dr. who is schooled in and used CBT with his patients.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Is it rational to have these fears? Yes, especially for a woman. As long as you don't let the fear paralyze you I would consider this normal. Barking dogs are a good safeguard against intruders. As is leaving exterior lights on and lights on say in the living room and kitchen.
The lights do not need to be very bright, just bright enough illuminate the are a bit. Call it mood lighting if you will. Barking dogs and lights are two things intruders will stay away from as they work best in silence and darkness. Plus they fear dogs as the scent they give off will cause most dogs to if not attack them to continue to bark their heads off.
Another thing to consider is a good alarm system reporting to a central station. I like home alarm systems for two reasons. First they are on duty 24/7 guarding you home. Be that home a house or apartment. Second is fire, all home alarm systems also monitor for fire.
I fear fire more than I do an intrusion. With a monitored system if there is a break in or fire while I am home or away the central station will call the police or fire department. Where fire is concerned the sooner a fire has been determined the better chance the fire department has to limit the damage and save lives.
Last is having a gun by your bed side. If you have nothing against gun ownership then I recommend taking a gun safety class and get what ever permit you may need if any to have a gun in your possession or at home.
Even under the best of circumstances the police are 3 to as long as 20 or more minutes away depending on where you live, be you a city or rural dweller, from the time the 911 operator takes the call. If someone breaks into your home meaning to do you harm, the rarest of break-in circumstances, a gun can save your life. I have had guns in my home for years. For the most part it is a really expensive paper weight. The only thing it has ever shot at is paper targets. I hope I never have to fire it to save my wife's life or mine. If I do it is there for me to do so.
Any or all of the things I have suggested should make you feel safer in your own home. Fear is what keeps us safe. Managing that fear is the difference between paranoia and happiness.
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