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I need to fall off the grid... fast
24/f. My mom has been emotionally and psychologically abusing me for as long as I can remember. Because she is a narcissist, no one believes me in my family. First and foremost, I can't report emotional/psychological abuse to the police. However, it has affected me a great deal and has put my mental health in danger. She has stolen my identity, which could ideally put her bind bars for some time. But, if I did that, no one in my entire family would speak to me. My mom has BIG issues and I don't think jail is the answer. She needs to go to therapy. She needs to be forced to go to therapy. I have one family member, my cousin, who believes me. She's only 11 and she says that my mother is unstable and that she would consider the way she treats me as emotional abuse. I don't live completely at home. I have an apartment about 30 minutes away. However, I do come back home to see my grandparents, pets, and my niece and nephew. However, my mom does not stop calling me. She calls at all hours and told me that she has a tracker on my phone to see where I am. EVERYTHING is a problem for her. She is a stalker. The other day, I was at CHURCH and she said that she wanted me to leave immediately and that she was angry. Then, she made up some story saying she "KNEW" that I was with someone and just didn't want to come see her. I am not willing to speak to her until she gets therapy. However, she is dangerous, it seems. She is scary. She'll make threats like she is going to hurt herself. Pretty soon, my family will come knocking on my door dragging me out telling me that I have to come see her that I'm the wrong one for whatever I did. I want to go off the grid with the condition that my mom gets the help she needs, and my family, for the most part, gets help too. I am tired of being in such a dysfunctional circle. It has ruined my relationships, friendships, and even my jobs. These people are intense. If I don't answer, they WILL come find me. My dad is the commander of the city and he has trackers and will find me in a second. There has to be a way that I can do this legally... like literally go off the grid, be able to continue my studies online, and her to be told that she can't see me until she goes to therapy... like maybe some kind of restraining order. i don't know. Please help!
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Unfortunately, I totally understand what you're feeling and unfortunately most of society doesn't.
Currently, society and many authorities like police etc, thinks emotional abuse is no big deal or you can walk away from it. But when it's combined with intense stalking, violent, obsessive group mentalities, Internet stalking and periphery enablers and look-awayers, it's a literal nightmare and you have almost no protection.
I've been there and I understand the only way to get away is to try to go off the grid, but it's hard to do and no one will understand why you're doing it which could lead to more problems and you'll look like the bad or crazy one to not only your family then, but also to society until you prove your'e not.
You're living a nightmare. I truly get it.
What you can do at this point is only this. Keep a detailed log of every event that's going on. Keep all texts and start recording phone conversations. At least you're actually getting verbal threats and other things that mean something to the police. Late night phone calls are legal harassment in many states too. Even if you don't think you will pursue legal action in the future, start keeping your log now because you might be forced to take legal action in the future.
Instead of going off the grid, meet with your local domestic violence office and start speaking with a counselor and also join a support group. There are all sympathetic witnesses to the abuse and support for your emotional health.
Start bringing non-enabling family members to your house instead of going to hers. If you must be around her start bringing friends from your domestic violence support group etc. with you. Start building your stock of credible witnesses.
Next step is to cut off all contact with your family. It's legally not abuse until you cut off contact, so do that asap.
Unfortunately, that includes cutting off contact with some of the ones that you want to see.
If they are defending and enabling your mother and other abusers in your family, they are just as dangerous to you.
Get away as soon as you can. Don't leave your mental health up to a bunch of jerks that don't care about you. Emotional abuse takes a serious toll if you let it and it will affect your professional and personal life if you don't stop allowing it in.
I'm glad to hear you're involved with Christ. Don't be fooled into thinking that He wants to keep you exposed to abusers. You're supposed to separate yourself from wicked people and forgive them. If they come back to you repentant, yes you should let them back into your life if the Holy Spirit truly tells you to. However, if you can't trust them, then you have to keep your physical distance until you can, yet make sure you've forgiven them from your heart.
Unfortunately, society tells you to just sit there and take it, get over it, forgive, stop being a baby, but you're going through an intense form of bullying that can be extremely damaging it if you keep exposing yourself to it. Believe me. Run, keep records, build trusted witnesses, cut off contact, be prepared if you have to file for a restraining order.
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You do have a problem. As far as forcing your mother into therapy goes it is like leading a horse to water. You can do so but you can't make them drink.
If your mother is a danger to herself and others you can report her to the police. The police can remand her on a mandatory 72 hour hold for evaluation if they agree she is a danger to herself and others for a psychological evaluation. To be held longer against her will two doctors would have to agree that she is a danger to herself and others.
You say your father is "the commander of the city." This is a term I am not familiar with unless you mean he is the Police Commander, Chief or commissioner of Police. If he is one of these and he uses his office to track or stalk you he can lose his job as it is illegal to use these powers for personal use or gain. Everyone has someone they report to or who supervises them especially those in public office. All you need to do is file a complaint or if you cannot find who supervises him; call the local television station and talk to the legal line reporter. Your story about your father using his office to stalk you sounds like just the story they would want to run with. You are an adult responsible for yourself and to yourself not to your mother or father.
There are Apps that can be put on your phone to track someone with. Go to a phone store and explain what you believe is happening with your phone. Have it turned off and buy a new phone with a new number and new ESN card. Do not transfer anything from your old phone and DO NOT BE ON A PLAN WITH YOUR PARENTS. GET YOUR ON PLAN. When you are with your parents either leave your phone at home or in your car. If your parents have keys to your car get the locks changed.
It is almost impossible these days to get totally of the grid. If you are on social media you can block them from seeing you and what you write though they can find you they just cannot find out much about you. You can make a concerted effort to stay away from them but you can't keep them from coming and pounding on your door. You can move to a new apartment but eventually they will find you if you stay in the same area.
Your options here are limited. You can move to a new city. If you do, do not register to vote, tell the utility companies not to sell your name to advertisers, take out restraining orders against those that you feel may harm you. You can do all of this though in today's electronic but you cannot totally get off the grid unless you are going to live as a hermit in a cave in the mountains.
What you have to do is stand up for yourself. If mom stole your identity you have to tell her this is intolerable, you have the proof and dad cannot keep her out of jail. Use this as leverage to get her to back off. I'm not sure what the statute of limitation is for this crime though about 7 to 10 years is the norm. Meaning you have 7 to 10 years to bring charges or in your case to use this as leverage.
As for other family member they cannot drag you, an adult person, from your home if you do not want to go with them. It is at the very least Assault at most KIDNAPPING. You can file charges against them or take out a restraining order against them. In other words there are remedies for you at law regardless of your father’s standing in the community. As an adult he cannot infringe on you constitutional civil rights any more than I can. He can try to threaten you and as his daughter you might yield to those threats. Threatening you is also illegal for him for legally it is considered Assault a criminal act for which he could go to jail.
In short what I'm telling you to do is to stand up for yourself; if you need an advocate then engage a lawyer. There is remedy at law for everything you have written and your father’s position within the community cannot stop you from accessing those remedies. You do not have to go off the grid to feel safe you just have to remember you are no longer a child and you have a right to live your own life. If infringed upon by anyone including your parents use the remedies at law to protect yourself.
I hope I have helped you.
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Ok, first off find the number to your local "Adult Protective Services" and call them and tell them whats going on and what action they could take to help her if at all.
Then if anyone comes to your door dont answer if you dont want to talk to them. if your phone is on their plan then get it off, get your own cell phone even if its a prepaid one and toss the other one in the trash. Change churches because if your mom knows where you go then she will come there looking for you.
Change cars, sell your current car if you have one and buy something else on craigslist for close to the same amount, that way they wont spot you when your driving around and even if your car is parked outside your house and they try to come there they will think you moved because "theres someone else parked in your spot outside". Take anything out of the car that might tip them off that the vehicle is yours AKA charms, clothing items, shoes, anything.
then move asap and only allow them to call your prepaid phone that you can have disconnected at anytime if need be and change the number.
if they are on her side then this is probably the only real way your falling off the grid plan will work. Make yourself ONLY available by prepaid phone or facebook allowing you to contact them back when its most convenient for YOU. make sure your house phone if you choose to have one is unlisted, and dont go to any of the same places you went to alot before.
true your mother needs help but it also sounds like the rest of your family does too. Get away from them asap, get a job if you dont have one already, save up, and execute the plan here.
that should be enough. dont let ANYONE who will tell your family where you live or what kind of car you drive over to your house. just say its nothing personal im just trying to deal with alot right now and youll get back to them about getting together. Once you know you can trust them then its fine and you can use your own judgement.
good luck.
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If you're living on your own, and people (even your family) are harassing you, then you can do legal action. You can take it to the court and/or call the cops on your mom to get a restraining order, and you can also tell them about your family and how they bother you as well. If your family trespasses in your apartment for whatever reason you can call the cops on them for stepping on your property without your permission. I suggest you also call a (relatively good one, do your research) mental hospital about your mother because it sounds like she has mental health issues, and they can take her in to get meds and therapy and all that by force if she is a threat to herself or others. (And you said she makes threats about herself) this is your life and you can't live it in fear, especially not of your family, so whether the majority of them "speak to you again" or not is invalid because you need to take care of yourself and do what's best. You can also leave to another state and change things if that's what you wish, also. But I highly recommend you take legal action, and call the mental hospital on your mother because they are the only ones who can force her. (With the threats existing and all)
Hope this helps~
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