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How to hide my personal life from my family?
I get along really well with my family, and I love them. But my mom is a very conservative Christian and I (secretly) disagree with her on many topics, and I don't want her to find out because it would negatively affect our relationship. The biggest thing I have to hide is that I am agnostic. If she found out, it would destroy our friendship. I also need to hide my views on politics, morality,and sexuality. How can I hide all of these things from her without her knowing so that we remain close?
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Adviceman had some great advice for you. I agree at some point you will need to come clean with her at least on your religious views/beliefs. I wouldn't hit her with all of it at once. In time, it will become obvious that you don't see things religiously or sexually, etc...the same as her. I have had conversation with many people I met in pagan or buddhist beliefs who as a teen came to believe differently than their parents. I used to be Christian, so I can understand how your parents might believe they have every right to train you to what they believe is best. What they don't realize yet is that every belief out there has at least one piece of the truth and the rest is muddied waters by humans. So Christianity has some good points but doesnt have it all right either. If your are still a teen, and decide to talk to your parents now, be prepared that they may attempt to force you to see things and do things their way. So if you are under 18 and not adult yet, they pretty much have that right. If you are older, your beliefs and your choices on how to live your life are your own. They have no right to interfere. Christians are taught unconditional love. So as your parents, if they truly believed the religion they follow, they may be disappointed greatly and heart broke to discover your views dont match theirs. But at the same time they would love you no matter what. Learning your views, should not affect a parents love for their child. There are always a few who may distance themselves and try to withhold their love and act cold towards a child in this situation, but in most cases, parental love will win in the end. If you do any hiding at all dear, I would leave it up to you to do so if you are still under 18. Once 18, it is time to stop hiding because as you were told, eventually mom may sense something is up anyways and sit you down to ask some questions, and if so, follow the advice on how to talk to her. Good luck
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This is a tough question :) It's hard for anyone to hide their real feelings, but sometimes it's necessary. Although I said that, I believe honesty in so important in any relationship! I tell my mom almost everything, so that our relationship stays together!!! ;)
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This is a tough one to answer. Politics is one thing and easier to hide as far as which candidate or party you support. Political feeling or ideology is harder to hide but can be done for short periods of time. Religion though is a whole other story as it is much more personal and in you mothers life it is part and parcel of her daily life.
Now if you live at home it is going to be extremely hard to hide your religious feelings from her. If you live at home how do you handle the inevitable questions of; "have you been to church or will you go to church with me."
I too am an agnostic and the thought of going to church to please someone is not my idea of placation. I will go to church or temple for a wedding or funeral as it is the right thing to do, but not for regular services as I do not believe in organized religion.
Fortunately for me my parents were not big church goers they went on special occasions and I made myself scarce, when I was older, for those occasions; generally by volunteering to work. Eventually I had to come clean and admit I did not have the same religious beliefs as they did.
Since I have been where you are now I can tell you that in trying to hide your religious beliefs you will cause your mom to wonder and she will deduce something is up with you. It is far better to come out and tell her and how you tell her makes all the difference in how she accepts what you say.
As a parent raised my child to be a free thinker; to take nothing as factual until he himself has verified or satisfied himself that something is fact. That fact that I'm an agnostic was not something he should take as fact. I told him to investigate the two religions that made up both sides of our family and others and if he found comfort or something in them that was fine with me.
My advice on both of these subjects is to come clean with mom. Sit down with her and say something like. "You know mom I want to thank you for raising me right, "I think you and dad (if he is still in the picture) did a good job teaching me right from wrong." "I believe this is the reason you and I get along as well as we do." "But what worries me is as I get older I start to see different things and maybe I might question things that you might have strong feelings about and I would not want this to come between us." "Can we agree right now that it is okay for us to agree not to agree on everything no matter how strong our individual feelings may be on the subject."
You of course put this into your own words and try to stay generic as possible while talking to your mom. I'm just as sure mom is going to have questions on just what you might be talking about. Here you can be evasive if you want to give mom time to let it sink in that you are a free thinker. Then down the road when the inevitable questions you are dreading come up you can remind her that she has agreed it is okay to disagree. Otherwise you can continue on and tell her where you and she are different.
I would go with being evasive for if she responds that no I raised you to think and do as I do then we have to come up with a plan "B" for which I have no idea what that might be at this time.
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It's not uncommon to disagree with your parents views... happens even if your parents aren't very conservative or religious. It's just kind of growing up.
If you're not ready to discuss it with her... just don't tell her. You just keep doing everything you've always done. It only becomes a problem if you deviate from that. If you deviate, she's going to find out sooner or later.
I don't know how old you are, but eventually you're probably going to have to sit her down and talk to her about the life you've decided to lead. It doesn't mean breaking her heart, or anything, but you're going to have to say that you've given it a lot of thought and that (blank) is how you have decided to live your life.
You can't be who they want you to be forever, but until your difference in views generates a situation in which you need to have the conversation, such as who you decide to marry, how to raise your kids, what life goals you set for yourself, etc, you can just go on like you always have. There's no reason to generate static if you don't have to, but chances are high that at some juncture you will have to, and you need to be prepared for that down the road.
I've had the conversation with my mom many times... when I decided I was no longer Catholic... when for whatever reason ALL my friends in high school turned out gay (that was a weird four years)... when I had a guy move in with me... It was never a really EASY conversation, but she loved me more than she loved her ideals... and your mom undoubtedly loves you more than her ideals, too. It won't be an easy conversation, and you might have a rough patch, but at the end of the day you'll still be her kid, and she will still love you.
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