|
Afraid that our different lifestyle may turn him off?
21/f, he's 27/m
I met this guy, he's 27. We expressed interest in each other when we first met (but it was online). I was nervous about meeting him in person at first because I felt like I would be too young or too naive for him. I know that's not right for me to assume but I guess that's just how I feel.
After our first in-person meeting, I realized how much we had in common and he makes me smile, in the longest time, I was actually nervous. And even afterward, he seemed to actually still expressed interest in me but I can't help but have doubts in my head.
For example, I have an older sister that is a year younger than he is and even though she has a boyfriend, I sometimes fear that if he ever met her, he may like her instead just because she's closer to his age. Another is that our lifestyle is different. I obviously still live with my parents and I'm trying to get into graduate school; whereas, he already has a career going.
I have already had two relationships that has ended because my lifestyle and my family issues was "too much to handle." (Money issues, parents aren't getting along, etc.) My mom thought my last relationship ended because my boyfriend's parents didn't like the fact that we made less money than they did. Maybe that's why I may have doubts in my head?
He's aware that I have a 26 year old sister and he still seems to "like" me, I guess? He said he wanted to see me again but I'm afraid to appear in front of him, even afraid to show him my car just because of our lifestyle is so different.
Doubts in my mind. Maybe I'm not good enough?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all you need to address your own issues before getting into a relationship with anybody. I hate to be so blunt but you are a bundle of insecurity and no man wants to deal with that. How in the world are you ever going to date if you think every man you meet will want your sister? A man will only stroke your ego for so long before it becomes tedious.You need to build up your own self esteem(I would suggest counseling)before even attempting another relationship. There are girls living in a homeless shelter who would have the confidence to date this man and make HIM feel like the lucky one! It's all in the attitude, do you see what I mean? Once you become someone YOU would like to date then it is time. Please don't be offended, I am too old and too out of shape to beat around the bush anymore! You seem like such a nice girl and I would hate for you to continue going through a string of broken relationships without knowing why or what to do about it! Good luck!
]
Hi there. You're a real bag full of insecurities here, aren't you? He's got a secire job, worried his parents earn more than yours, worried your family are dysfunctional...and he's gonna fall for your sister instead of you before long!! Well, most people are rather nervous in the early part of a relationship, mainly because we're each seeking the approval of the other, looking for things to like about each other...and so on. And do you know, if you really click and you love each other you it won't matter much. And if you don't click, it doesn't matter if you've got a list as long as your arm of things you have in common, however much 'proof' you have that you're 'a matched pair'...it won't work out. Plus of course, if two people are completely alike...well...one of you needn't really be there. You need a little point/counterpoint, you each bring something a little different to the party as it were. Have confidence my friend. Self-confidence and self-belief. Roll the dice. Don't defeat yourself before you start. And good luck...cos we ALL need a little luck. Funny though, the bolder you are, the luckier you seem to get! X
]
21 and 27 aren't that different. And if they were, it would be because you're of a more transitional age, where people tend to change. In that case, he would be the one worried that you would leave.
You are good enough. These fears you have would only be a factor if the person you were with wasn't worth your time. Maturity doesn't have an age limit and only jerks think money is a factor in someone's worth.
]
Feelings of not being good enough all stem from insecurities about yourself, not your material possessions or your lifestyle.
I know that is a lot to take in, but let me explain.
We no longer live in a time when people are limited in who they can date because of social class. There are a very many happy relationships out there where one partner has significantly less than the other. This is OK, as long as there is mutual love and respect between them. You do not need a lot of money or a fancy lifestyle to get respect from someone either. That comes from you as an individual and your personality.
Your old relationships that ended because of lifestyle and family issues are actually more likely to have ended because of the stress those issues placed on you, and the way you and your significant other handled this stress. Of course, when you have problems such as what you mentioned it is never easy on relationships. However, don't let this discourage you, because a man that will stick by you in hard times such as these is the one that truly loves you for you. He's the one you want by you for a long time. If past guys thought the issues were "too much" then they weren't right for you. It does not make it your fault.
I also want to add that your circumstances are not synonymous with your worth as a person. You sound like an intelligent young woman that is doing her best; you are about to start a serious education and have gone through a lot which has probably made you resilient. These are all traits to be admired. If he seems like he likes you, then don't doubt yourself. While it is true that someone closer to his age is more likely to be at the same stage in life as him, this doesn't mean that he will like her better than you.
Be confident in who you are as an individual and what you have to offer outside of your material possessions and lifestyle. Those are all things that come secondary to what you have to offer as a person. If someone likes you for you, then none of those things should matter.
Hope that helped!
]
More Questions: |