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Parents divorce on my birthday
17/f
I'm turning 18 in two weeks, I'm partially excited.. But yet, I'm really depressed about it. I get more and more sad when the day gets closer. I'm already stressed out about school, because I can't help but think about when each of my assignments are due. It makes me realize what day it is, and I just think. "This many days till my birthday, and my parents divorce." Why are they divorcing? Money problem. When I'm 18, I'm no longer getting government money. My dad is retired, and he's turning 73 a week before I am. And it gets me really sad whenever I see him try to win the lottery, and hearing from my sister that my dad says my mom doesn't want him anymore because he can't support us financially. And it gets me really upset, because I won't be able to see him anymore. He's leaving, so it hurts whenever I see him try to do whatever he can now. I see him, clean, cook, garden, fix my car, before he's not here anymore. He's going to be moving in with his little sister to watch over his mom since she currently went blind.
I'm happy he gets to take care of her, but yet; he's going to be in another city. Which makes me sad. I keep wanting him to stay, but I don't want my parents to argue. My mom wants to stick around me and my older sister to take care of us when we're already growing up. I mean, my sister's turning 23 this year and she already moved out. My mom still wants to watch over us.
I know, I can't stop time. I wish I could. I'm trying my best to think positive about this whole situation, and keep thinking and hoping that he won't leave on my birthday or even discuss divorce on my birthday. Because, my birthdays have never went well.. Ever. There wasn't a day where I didn't cry or get frustrated, a day that it always rained. My parents wouldn't understand if I even spoke to them about it.
They don't consider mine or my sister's opinions, because they say it's their decision. Maybe one day I can go visit my dad & his mom now and then? But I would really miss him living in the same house.. Especially since my mom would be working even harder to even keep up with the financial problems. Help! How do I even think positive or even feel a little bit better on my birthday?
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after you turn 18, you can go see your dad whenever you want, even if your mom won't like it. Even though they decided to divorce on your birthday, i would say go out, leave them at home to get everything together and done. sweetheart, being to old to be irresponsible and too young to act how/when you want is the literal epitome of hell, so here's what i am leaving you with:
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL.
if you want to throw a fit, and get angry, and scream, that's your business. You don't have to try and stay positive if you need to let it out. So go out on your birthday and have a real bitchin time; take that day for yourself and deal with it tomorrow.
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Sweetie~ I am so sorry that really sucks so much I can't express it. I would like to say something super helpful but I'm not really sure what that would be~ sorry. But I can talk a bit about my own experience.
Parents and their baggage are so burdensome! The problem with any family is that it's like an organism, so when one person (or two people) make mistakes, everyone has to go through it too. I mean, my parents divorced when I was 16. Their divorce was awfully acrimonious and me and my brother (3 years older) were caught in between the whole time.
It's never right when parents separate (even in the case of a 'friendly' divorce).We (their kids) are the ones who are right, it's our right to wish for a loving, whole family. They may both have issues in their relationship and think they're justified- just know that you're not the one who's wrong. We may have to live with their wrong decisions but we can at least hope for better things for ourselves and make better decisions for our own families.
Visiting your dad would be great. Maybe you could visit them during holidays? If your mom has a problem with that, you could wait a year until you're in college and then make arrangements then. How about things like skype? Maybe those things will help. When you're older and independent it will be easier to keep up a relationship with both of them as much as you want.
I totally get the thing about your birthday. So many of mine have gone disastrously wrong- and I don't have many friends (long story- basically most of them are in a different continent) so it's really depressing. I feel like my birthday is jinxed!
Do you have a best friend or close relative you could talk to? Maybe you could spend some time with them on your birthday. Treat yourself well and do something special for yourself. Maybe you could watch a movie, go to a spa, go to a local fashion or art gallery exhibit- above all remember that you deserve the best even though the world is a crazy place! You're 18 and there are way better things to look forward to. Good luck and lots of love~
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I wish I could think of a better way to help you then what I am going to offer.
The first thing to remember here is that nothing that is happening between your mom and dad has in anyway been caused by you. Whatever is wrong between them is just that; between them. No child young or old, child or adult wants to see their parents marriage break up.
Your father is not leaving you and does, from what I am reading, want you in his life. You have the ability to visit him whenever you desire. This is a plus factor many children don't have. Many children either take sides or are not old enough to visit the parent that has moved away independent of that parents visiting schedule.
Financial problems always put a strain on a marriage; problem is that financial problems just don't go away with the divorce. Possibly the spending that lead to the problems do but not the overall problem. Here again this is not your problem and again from your writing no one is blaming you.
Your problem as I see from your writing is one of stress. Teenagers have a lot of stress placed upon them as it is. They have the stress placed upon then with school, their social life, the desire to get into a good college and the list goes on. Now you have the added stress of your parents divorce which is going to have an adverse effect on at the very least your school work. You cannot let this happen.
My suggestion is you find someone to talk to that can help you to unburden yourself and be a relief valve for some of the stress. This person can be a teacher or the school guidance counselor. You can also contact the local mental health department and ask to speak with a therapist for depression and stress counseling.
I am recommending this direction rather than fee for service as finances seem to be a problem. If you have good health insurance you should see your family doctor. Tell the doctor what is bothering you, you might even show the doctor the letter you wrote us. Your doctor can then direct you to the proper care for stress relief and for what I'm sure is a little bit of depression brought on by the stress you are under.
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