Member Since: January 20, 2006
Answers: 11
Last Update: July 24, 2006
Visitors: 1500
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heyyy everyoneee.i am soo sorry but this might be in the wrong catagory i didnt know where else to put it., but im fourteen and a female soo.. i feel a little weird about this;; but i shop wayyyy tooo much! i know all girls claim tro be "shopohaulics" but i am the true definition of the word. you know how some peopel eat icecream or cut them selves when theyr sad?.. well when i am sad i go out and spend money. as a result i spend all the money i make at my job and the money my mom gives me. most of the things i buy are impule buys and end up never being used. its a problem.. soo im looking for advice on how to stop this aditction to shopping and any good ways to spend my time when i am sad so as to keep em from shopping lol thankyou so much for your time!. =)
hailey (link)
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Your problem isn't unusual. Many people have trouble controlling their impulses when they're upset. It seems that shopping has become your way to soothe yourself when you're upset. It seems that you need to do two things: 1) deal with the reasons that you are sad, and 2) learn new ways of dealing with sad feelings until they pass. Exercise or talking with friends works well for part 2. How you deal with part 1 depends on what's been going on. You might want to sit down with a school counselor for a chat sometime to sort things out and get another perspective. Feeling like you're not in control of your behavior is a good sign that it's time to get some help.
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Well, It's really not at the forefront of my mind right now, Byzantine history is, but I am debating my religious beleifs from time to time. I am floating somewhere between a Deist, an Agnostic and an Atheist. Something that doesn't have some sort of personality cult at its center. I enjoy other peoples' opinions on subjects like this. I can handle being preached to if it's something that you believe, but what I most want is something well-reasoned. I would like it if some people who sport some religious affiliation to tell me why theirs makes sense and why that is something someone like myself should believe. Thanks for your participation - I hope the rest of your day is a blast! (link)
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You might consider trying a Unitarian Universalist congregation, www.uua.org. Thomas Jefferson, who was a Deist, once predicted that everyone in America would be Unitarian.
A UU congregation would have room for your doubts and questions, and certainly doesn't have a personality cult at its center. You can find the seven principles and six sources of UU faith on the uua.org website, so I'm not going to repeat them here. My own passion for UUism stems from its positive, celebratory practical approach to life, its sense of justice and compassion, and its deep ties to humanist and earth-centered traditions (many 19th century Transcendentalists were Unitarian) as well as Judaism and Christianity. I find that it's summed up in Ralph Waldo Emerson's reply to a Harvard seminarian who had to write a philosophical paper arguing for the existence of God (Harvard Divinity School was at that time a seminary for Unitarian clergy): "An actually existing fly is more important than a possibly existing angel."
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I am looking for a religion but I want one thats right for me. Can someone tell me every religion out there and what its about? Also for religions that require you to go to church is it possible to just stay home and do what you would at a church and still have it not be a sin? (link)
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You might try the Belief O Matic at http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html
I'm a Unitarian Universalist. UU's believe in the inherent dignity and worth of every person, in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning, and in making our world a better place. UU's are free to be on their own personal religious journeys, although there are some theologies that we tend to hold in common. Most UU's wouldn't believe in a literal Hell or Heaven. Thus, it isn't a "sin" not to show up at a UU service, but we tend to think that it's good to come together as a community. A community supports you in living out your values. Supporting a Unitarian Universalist congregation also enables it to be there for other religious seekers who need it. You may find out more about it at www.uua.org.
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Ok im not extremely overweight but i am fat. im 15 years old and i weigh more than 145 pounds.. ive been excersizing alot and ive actually lost about 15pounds but, my stomach wont seem to shrink. i do 500 crunches a day, and other things but it still wont budge. im on an ok diet if that counts. i can suck my stomach in alot to make me skinner but when im not i get HUGE.. please help im tired of being fat and ugly.. is it possible to get lipo? or some kind of surgery like that? and what kind of excersises can i do?
i rate 5's!! thanks (link)
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As the others have advised- patience.
Also, if you have not consulted your doctor, do so. Tell him/her what you have told us and ask for a full check up. Sometimes people have problems with their hormones, metabolism, or other medical conditions that affect their weight. Trying to lose weight without addressing these issues would be like hitting your head against a wall.
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hey guys! well im having serious guy problems.I CANT FIND A GUY! i mean its not like im desperate or anything but i havent had a boyfriend yet and im 15..i know its okay that i havent had one but im getting really lonely and i would just like someone there to like hold me and stuff you know. the problem is im super shy around guys and i dont know..if i just meet them i dont talk like at all..and i seen this one guy at this other schools hockey game and he plays on their JV team..he is soo cute! but he is also popular i guess and he is going to this dance with another girl so i dont know if they like each other or what? none of my friends talk to him and i dont exactly know how i would like introduce myself without sounding stupid..because im one of those pepole that care what people think..i wish i wasnt but i cant help it..and i dont know! i just need a guy to cuddle with and like kissing and stuff..i also have another question ive madeout for the first time this summer but havent done it since! i loved it..its just that no other guys wanted to kiss me i guess..and now the next time i makeout im gonna be scared..its gonna feel like my first time since i havent done it since the summer! so many problems..any suggestions for any of this!? SORRY SO LONG!! (link)
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You wrote that you'd like to have a boyfriend because you're feeling lonely. I'm wondering if you might feel a little less anxious about boyfriends if you explored alternate ways of addressing your loneliness. It's generally not a great idea to get into relationships out of desperation, and extreme loneliness can be a source of desperation. Good relationships are about two people enjoying each other but still functioning as independent people. I'd try to work on your loneliness by enjoying time with friends, making new friends, trying new activities.
As for "making out"- take it slowly, and do what feels comfortable to you. Kissing and hugging and so forth are your decisions. You can say "no" if you're not ready to handle something. It's okay to want to do something one day but not the next- you might be tired or upset and just not feel up to it. Of course, be responsible about anything that is at the level of sexual contact, and use protection. I don't recommend sexual activity at your age, but do be responsible in what you do.
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i feel awful lately and i dont know why. i'm in 10th grade and have had a really awesome time up until about a month ago. Since then i get upset easier and i never know why i feel so i upset. I've had this great boyfriend for almost 4 months now, but he's pulling away, probably because i can never tell him why i'm in such a bad mood recently. today, he pulled me into his arms, and i started crying. i tried to hide it and he didnt say anything about it, but i'm pretty sure he got that i was upset. then i started crying during my math test but stopped myself before anyone noticed. now here i am, crying again. what's wrong with me? (link)
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I can think of a few possibilities:
1) It's pretty rough being a teenager. Even if nothing major has happened to you lately, sometimes the little things can pile up. Have you had a chance to talk to a trusted adult lately? One that you can talk to about everything and anything? You need a confidante to help navigate the teenage years.
2) Something in your life is perhaps upsetting you, but it's hard for you to know what it is. Sometimes people aren't completely aware of why they feel the way that they feel, and need to talk to a counselor to gain awareness.
3) There is a condition called depression, in which one may feel more sad than usual. Sometimes depression results from people getting overwhelmed from life problems. Other times, depression is caused by biochemical changes (remember, you're a teenager) and medication treatment is necessary. I can't diagnose depression, and nor should you try to self-diagnose. See a counselor if you think you might have depression. You may also want to talk to a medical doctor, because sometimes medical problems of the physical sort can throw the body off balance so much that a person experiences depression. Your brain, including the emotional parts of your brain, requires your body to be healthy to function properly.
In short- I think you owe it to yourself to talk to a counselor at school or in your community about how you feel. Also check with your doctor. Give yourself a gift today and let someone else listen to your feelings. You don't need to feel ashamed of feeling the way you do. If you feel that you can't talk to him/her easily, you can print out your letter and show it to him/her to help start the conversation.
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I'm a pagan (not wiccan) and I'm haivng a hard time finding religious books for my two year old. I'm looking for something like an illustrated book of Bible stories for her that simply illustrates the stories and the morals without trying to force Christianity. I'm also looking for a children's book that tells stories from a pagan point of view.
Can anyone recommend some good books like these? Thanks! (link)
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You might want to search the bookstore of the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations at http://www.uua.org/bookstore/index.php. Many of their children's resources approach "good living" from perspectives other than Christianity.
In addition, the Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS) have a list of suggested children's books here:
http://www.cuups.org/content/resources/books/familylifebooks.html
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I have a friend (24/f) that constantly asks me for advice. At first, I was flattered that she trusted my judgement. However, now it has got to the point that she calls me for every little thing going on in her life. She seems incapable of making any decision on her own, even if it's a small decision. One day, she actually called from the store to ask what toothpaste to buy. When she calls, she expects me to drop everything and help her figure out a solution for her problem.
She also seems to trust only my advice. At one point, she called me with a medical concern. While I have worked in health care, I am not a doctor. I told her I didn't feel like I was qualified to answer her question and that she should see her doctor. She refused to see the doctor and said that only I could figure it out.
I hate to be rude to her since she's always been there for me. She was one of the few people that stood beside me when I fled an abusive relationship. Almost everyone else in my life thought I was crazy for leaving what they saw as a great guy. She offered me money and a place to stay until I got on my feet and could make it on my own again.
I've tried telling her that I'm busy and not always able to take her calls, but it seems to have no effect. I'm also worried that her inability to make a decision on her own could have an effect on her life and health. As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I can't sit by the phone all day and I'm not always qualified to help her. Any suggestions? (link)
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It is worrisome that she has become so dependent on you. Often, when people are this dependent on you, there is a profound hole in their lives such as loneliness or emotional trauma (past or present). You are meeting her needs temporarily, thus she reaches out to you. Yet, it is not healthy for her to depend only on you, and her need is so great that you cannot completely fill the hole in her life.
First, decide how much time and help you can give to this friend. Then ask to meet with her.
Ask her if something has happened in her life recently that has made her upset. Gently tell her that you're concerned that she seems so dependent on you. Suggest that perhaps something is bothering her. Suggest that perhaps she should talk to a counselor. Offer to help her make an appointment and take her there.
Then, tell her what you have decided that you can give to her. Tell her that this is your limit, as gently as you can, and stick to it.
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I have guy issues. Every guy I like, never seems to like me in that way. All the guys I like are my friends, and I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm kinda pretty, realtively thin, atletic, I got boobs and a butt, so I don't understand. I'm smart, and I don't think I have a dull personality, I like to flirt and joke around. Anyone have any ideas to why this might be happening?
(link)
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I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you're a teenager. You and the guys that you like are at an awkward age of exploring who you are. Give yourself permission to just be you for now, to have fun doing the things that you do. Relationships will come over time. Try not to be too anxious about whether you have a boyfriend or not.
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FROM THE UK! ENGLAND
okay my hair is very unmanagable
at the top of my head loads of little hairs stick up no matter what i do, if i change my parting they still come through, if i put my hair up they still come through!
preferably people from england to answer this for the product part but if there are any world wide products then any one answer please :)
what can i do to control them or what products can i use to control them?
i rate fives for any advice given. (link)
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I find that my hair is more manageable if I wash it in the morning while showering and then let it air-dry instead of using a hair-dryer. I have short hair, though, so this may not work for you.
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I'm a sophomore in high school...and I'm really..scared. I don't know what to do with my life!..I don't even know the college process..how do I apply? How do I apply for financial assistance? What's a major/minor? I don't know which classes to pick when I get to college..I don't know what I want to be when I grow up..Can someone help me figure all of this college stuff out? Thanks so much. (link)
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Take it one day at a time. You really can't plan your future, although you should plan your future. Confused? Let me explain a bit.
Why you really can't plan your future:
College is a time of rapid personal growth. Your interests will change and expand. You will be in a new environment, with new people and ideas to explore. Your ideas of who you are, who others are, what it means to be a human being, and what you want to do with your life should be challenged and expanded- even shifted a little if not a lot. The result of college should be that you are living, as Socrates said, an examined life in which you live your values with integrity. My ideas of what I wanted to do with my life, who I was, and what it meant to be human has changed many times both during and after college.
I'll also let you into another secret- people nowadays change careers many, many times. You simply don't know what life will throw at you. You need to build a foundation of skills, values, ideas that will let you weather the challenges of life. Make sure you are a good writer, a good analytical thinker, a caring human heart. Understand a bit about math and statistics, and how the economy and politics work. Know enough about religion, philosophy, sociology, and psychology to be tolerant of the world's diversity and to be a healing part of the world instead of a hurtful judge of others. It helps if you are competent with a computer, can go into a library, and understand the process/philosophy of scientific research. Above all, know when to question your own ideas, how to be a careful thinker that doesn't rush to conclusions or make assumptions. If you have all the above, plus a few advanced career-specific skills, you'll be fine.
A major is a collection of courses in a particular area, such as psychology or math, in which you gain some level of expertise. In addition to the courses required for your major, you will have to take general education courses to give you a broad background in the humanities and sciences. A majority of college students change their intended majors, even several times. College shouldn't be about specializing too much- you should explore all that you can. In fact, many colleges don't expect you to declare your major until the end of your sophomore year. You will also find that, for some fields, you'll need graduate school to do something interesting with that major. Since college is the last easy chance you'll have to take interesting courses in various fields- once your life gets busy with career and family, fitting in a class will be tougher, although you should be a lifelong learner- I suggest taking as many classes outside of your major as you can.
Thus, I believe your choice of college should not hinge too heavily on what you think now that you want to do career-wise. In fact, you can be undecided and unsure. Instead, I'd ask: who are you now? How would you like to grow as a person in college? What interests do you have? Then pick the college that will best support your growth. Would a small, intimate campus help you come out of your shy shell? Or are you a go-getter mega-organizer who would love the hustle and bustle of a major state university?
Why you do need to plan for the future:
You need to do things now that give you the resources to do things later as life throws curveballs at you. Take the most challenging courses in high shool now that will help you make the most of college. Develop some interests in extracurricular activities- but make those solid commitments, not fluff for your resume. It's better to spend a lot of time with one activity than to have 10 fluffs. Research financial aid and be prepared to apply for scholarships. Have as many friendships as you can with diverse people so that you get to know the world better. Talk to adults about how they got into their careers- I bet you'll find that many people get into their current jobs by a circuitious path. I wish that I'd known that- it would have helped me feel less anxious about my future when I was in college. Try to get rid of the notion that your life will necessarily be a linear high school-college-job-get married-have kids-retire path. A lot will happen along the way, and there's nothing wrong with it if you wind up going in different directions than you originally planned. Get in the habit of saving some money every month, even if it's only a dollar.
And... if you have a guidance counselor at your school, talk to him or her. You could print out your question and take it to him or her.
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