otempora's advice column

askotempora

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Ok, I'm having my b-day party this fri. and I invited a whole bunch of people and everything, but my one guyfriend, Matt found out that my friend Crystal is going (they're like fighting and everything) and now he doesn't want to go. I really want him to, cuz he's like my older brother. Crystal's definitely going and doesn't care about whether Matt's going or not, she just wouldn't talk to him if he did. She told me to tell Matt not to ruin my party and just go and stay away from here. Well, I did, and he still won't go. He said he loved me (as a friend) and he'd do anything for me, but he just can't go to my party. I think he's bein real immature about it. During 1st period today, Crystal told me he wrote he a real nasty letter about her, but then at lunch, he let me read it and it wasn't bad at all, he was actually just trying to make peace and all. So I'm really confused. I really really want him to go. What can I do?

Tell Matt that he can stay as far away from Crystal as he wants, and if he respects you and loves you like he says he does than it shouldn't matter if she's there. It sounds like you need to tell you friends to grow up because childish games arn't gonna get them anywhere. I hope it works out for you, and Happy Birthday.
*Rachael*

Q: I like 2 different guys but when I told my friend she got really mad at me. She told me when I like a guy just to stick with him and not find 5 different guys to like all at once. I am so fustrated but I don't know what to do. the one guy I asked out and he said no. and the other guy I just think is really really hott. Please help me I don't know what to do!

You have every right to like anyone you want to, you can like a billion people if you want. Also you can help it if you like some one, you can't turn your heart and soul off. If you ask the *hot* one out and he says yes then go for it. experiment and have fun. As for your friend may-be she's just jealous.
*Rachael*

Q: Last spring break I went to florida with a friend. During my time there I meant this guy I fell head over heels for him. He was different, he wasn't like most guy. So I spent every day that I was there with him I never had that much fun,but all good things must come to a end it was time to go home. We still kept in touch but not for long. One day he never called me back maybe I did or said something. And along time has past and now I have a good boyfriend but I m just scared of falling in love again I dont know what to do? Please help!!!!!!!!

Hun, if this guy hasn't called you back since last spring chances are he's not gonna call you again. As for falling in love, you can't prevent it, it will happen and theres nothing you can do about it.
*Rachael*

Q: ok there is this guy i like named Chris, and i love him so much, and we have talked a lot and all. but i asked him out and he said "no". but i got so attached to him, that when he turned me down i started to take razors and cut my arm, and i still do. and i want to stop but it helps to controll pain. how do i stop?Note:i am 14/female. i rate 5 to anyone who answers!

You should really try to seek professional help!! A a lot of my friends went throught this, and some got professional help and it helped them decide that they wanted and needed to stop, because you are the only one that has to decide wether or not to stop.

Q: what do i do if i love my best guy friend and i want to go out with him but are afraid to tell him?

Give him suttle hints that you like him, but whatever you do dont throw yourself at him... it could freak him out!
*Rachael*

Q: anybody read any books in the adult section that an older teenager would still enjoy and not be bored by? (i've read and enjoyed the pact by jodi picoult and sloppy firsts by megan mccafferty if that gives you any insight) thnks -- i'll rate u 5's if i like the books you suggest!

If you liked sloppy firsts try second helpings (the next book) if you've read that than try ginderbread, of teen idol.

Q: Hey, I would like to know if you all can tell what is wrong with my finger and if I should go to the doctor. Wednesday night, I was at gymnastics messing around, and as I went for a back tuck, my middle finger jammed into my leg... then about 3 minutes later, I jammed it again into a panel mat (a hard mat in case you dont know) same finger and everything. My coach didnt care because i shouldnt have been messing around, so I went through the rest of practice ignoring the pain. Its now 2 days later, and im getting shooting pains throughout it, my whole finger is about 1 1/2 the size of the other, and my knuckle in the middle of my finger is twice the size of the other and i cant feel from there down to the end of it. I have it taped together for now, but it hurts to even write, im typing this without it. Im sorry its long, but i cant decide if I should go to the docot Monday and get x-rays jus to make surem or relax and let it heal on its own because of an expierience with shoulda been broken foot since i didnt go to the doctor right away. Today, I had to call home for some medicine to help with the pain. So, what do you all think of this situation (any of you who read this)...?

Give it a few more days and if the pain and swelling doesnt go down than go to the doctors nad get it checked out. you never know there could be more wrong with it than you think.

Q: ok this kid I like like, we knew who each other were since the begingig of the year but we never really started talkin til like Late October.. well now like everytime we talk, we flirt. and well ive grown to really like him. but these girls dont like me bc one of them likes him i guess but anyways i guess he was testing my jealousy bc he was messing with the other girl at lunch one day and thats the place where we really talk and i stopped talking to him for a day and he never went back over there to talk to her.and like.. he live up the street from me and my friend lives near him.and we were walking down the street and we saw some other boys we knew and they were like yeah uhmm we were gonna play football and ur boys the last stop.and im like ok and sarah, my freind goes and gets him
BUT she tells him that I wanted him. and he comes down the steps like what? and im like i didnt want u! and he jus looks at me.and im like anthony and Roman wanted u.but they had gone around the corner to get someone else.and I looked really stupid jus standing there.but anyways,ever since that day..i guess he found out that I liked him alot or whatever but ever since that day, he always finds a reason to give me a hug a least once a day.and like now ive really fallen for him.
Does he like me? How much longer should I wait for him to make a move? Im jus really into him and im kinda confused.
I rate 5 for anything!!!!!!!

*crazy in luv*

It seems like he likes you before he found out that you liked him and ever since the day he found out that you liked him to he probably thought it was ok to hug you of whatever. If you really like him and think he likes you to ASK HIM!! thats the only true way to find out. if he does than thats great, if he doesnt well try to spent time away from him to get over him. GOOD LUCK!!!

Q: i'm 13/f. Okay, i like this guy. bu the problem is that He is good friends with my ex-boyfriend and I am good friends With the guy like's ex-girlfriend!!!! Would we be able to go out? or would we just get "in troble"

As long as its ok with your friend and he makes sure its ok with his friend, otherwise things could get ugly! But... if your friendshihp with his ex isnt that big of a deal (if your just friends when shes around and the only one to talk to) than i guess its ok to just out with him. Just be careful not to make to many people mad.

Q: I love my boy friend so much. We have been going out for a while now and (i no its early) but valentines day is coming up and i want to get him somthing that shows i realy care and love him. Something really special. But the thing is, i have no idea what! any suggestions? thanks i rate high.. and srry to burst some of yalls bubbles, but sex is not an option l.o.l.

Try getting him somthing hes really into. If hes really into music try a mixed cd with all his favs. Or may-be a lage card with pics or activitys you've done together. What ever it is make sure its something thoughtful and not something you just pick up because you think its cute.

Q: aryt well bak in september.. i started highschool(freshman) and met a ton of new people.. well there was this boy on my bus (well call him john-hes a junior)well i liked him a little. we started talking and we became really good friends. well he went out w| my best friend, and i went out w| his best friend.. but things got really messed up. i think i still have a feeling for him that i might like him a little bit.. and he flirts alot. he's liek my big brother tho and i dont wanna ruin a friendship. idk if i should continue liking him, bc it could turn out to bea great relationship.. or should i just get over himand keep or friendship? hes not the kind of guy to use me, becuz he told me everything wen he was going outW| my best friend, and he isnt the type of guy to do that bc hes been hurt before and so have i. my best friend doesnt like him anymore so im not worryed about her being mad. WUT SHOULD I DO !?!?!?

Keep talking and see where your *friendship* leads because it could lead to something great in the end, and if its not romantic than it could be a great friendship.

Q: Ok my I have a friend Laura* and she is always copying me! For instance, I got my hair cut short and the next thing you know she decides to cut off her like 3ft long hair too! And the other day on the bus I was singing the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song (:D) and she goes " OH! I LOVE THAT SONG!!!! " I was like...goodddddd!!!!! It just gets on my nerves alot! Idk how to make her stop...anyone have any ideas? THANKS!

Well if you really think shes copying you then confront her about it. tell her that you dont apprecite her copying you. Although she might just admire you or feels like she's always being compared to you, or just thinks that your ideas are cool. if you do decide to confront her try not to be to harsh because it culd ruin the friendship.

Q: a year ago, i broke my tailbone.. it kind of hurts for me to do certain things now.. but can any of you tell me what will happen in the future because of me breaking my tailbone? if anything is going to happen.. i hear people saying i'm gonna have constant back pain but i wanted to make sure with everything.. thx

Well i've brused mine before and sometimes it hurts to sit in a certian kind of chair. If your tail bone hurt somtimes but not all the time, you will probably be fine but if it hurts all the time and is effecting your back then you might want to got to the doctors

Q: How can i start publishing a book??? Does it cost any money??

First off have you written a book? If you have then try google-ing publishing a book or somthing like that.

Q: ok my friend is coming to stay over my house tonight and we always get so bored... does anyone have any fun things that we could do? thanx... i rate 5s

Depeneding on where you live there a a number of things you can do. If you live in a place with snow try snowboarding or sleding, or if you live in a hotter place try the beach or pool. You couls also rent movies. You could also make something like a tee-shirt using fabric paint are little jewels. Have fun!!

Q: A lot of people at school call me teachers' pet. I don't like any of my teachers, nor suck up to them. I only get good grades because I want to get into the Naval Academy. I don't show off or anything.. i think.. so what should I do to shut these bitches up? (13, F, 7th grade)

Dont let people calling you teachers pet get you down. Just because you get good grades doesnt mean your a teachers pet it means you work for somthing. Tell them just because their jelous of your grades doesnt mean they should pick on me. If they keep calling you teachers pet then just dont listen to them and get on with your live.

Q: On my bus the older kids are mean to my best friend. They always steal her stuff. Like yesterday she had a gameboy with her and was playing sims and this kid stole it and wouldn't give it back until she gave him gum. She had to jump some seats to get it back. Then today she wouldn't give him gum again so he started stabbing her with a needle. He treatened to stab me with it if I didn't move so he could get inm our seat. They my best friend threw the gum out the window and he and his friends started cursing her off and trying to cut her with it. I want to find a way to help but I don't know how. What should I do?

TELL THE BUS DRIVER!!!! things like that should not be happening! If you tell the bus driver and they dont do anything try to find a new route, like getting a ride, switching buses, or if you live close enough you can walk. Good luck and i hope your friend is ok.

Q: hey i was wondering if anyone has ANY really good sites w| LOTS of quotes!?!? (*i rate high =]) thanx !

try www.cutequotes.com

Q: ive become really depressed lately..bc of my weight...im five feet tall and i weigh 135. i dont think im fat but then again i dont know...i have big boobs and a butt..so that sometimes gets mistaken for fat also and makes me look bigger...can someone plz tell me how to get rid of all this weight? i dont have a gym memebership so i cant work out...any suggestions??

First off don't think of your self as fat, and if anyone else says anything, ignore it! To help in losing weight try running. It doesnt have to be 1,000 miles just start with a small amount and work your way up. Running is a great way to get inshape and clear your head at the same time. You could also try someting like yoga. Having a larger chest my self i suggest a good sports bra. Just becasue you weight isnt what the *charts* say that doesnt mean your *unhealthy*. Also keep goals in mind or motivation, because it will help you through it. *Rachael*

bio

HEY EVERYBODY!!! My name is Rachael. Im a sophmore at my high school. I play soccer and run cross-country for my high school. I also work part time at a bowling alley, it sucks but I get payed good. Feel free to ask me anything even it it doesn't involve advice.
Much luv
Rachael