I am a mommy, a wife and a woman with a lot to say. People are fascinating and I love to study and understand what motivates, inspires and intimidates us into making the choices we make. I want to share my insight and continue to learn even more about the human psyche. Ask away!!
Gender: Female
Occupation: mom, student, small business owner
Member Since: May 30, 2004
Answers: 4
Last Update: May 31, 2004
Visitors: 2128
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I recently got married and ny husband has been emotionally and financially abusive. For example...I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and he has not been helping me out. He says he doesn't care how I feel and to suck it up. He does not pay the bills and we have shut off notices for the electric, phone, and cable. Yet he won't allow me to take over the finances. He goes out and spend the money on himself and playing poker. He took a trip ti Atlantic City without me and spent all of our money. We aren't able to buy groceries even. He yells at me to get a job. But with my medical conditions I am not able to work plus with having three kids under 5 years old...I wouldn't even make enough to cover daycare. He constantly calls me names and criticizes me, underminds my parenting in front of the kids, gets in my face and acts like he is going to hit me just to make me flinch. He calls me fat and ugly and worthless and thats just the nicer words he uses. Why did he marry me if he thought those things about me? I can't live like this any more! I am severly depressed and I am gonna end up in the hospital soon if he doesn't start to help out more with the kids. Just recently he took my wedding ring and engagment ring and throw them out the car window and told me he wants a divorce. We've only been married for a month and a half! What do I do!? (link)
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Your children should be your first priortiy, NO MATTER WHAT!! If you can get your husband into family counseling, do it. If he's not willing to hear your plea for help and support then you need to get out. Your daughters will end up marrying men like this and your sons will end up being men like this. You want neither of those prophecies to be realized. Get your barings under you and try to be strong, find a support system away from your house, whether it be family, friends, a support group, whatever it takes to maintain your strength long enough to help ensure your and your children's emotional securtiy and well-being.
No one deserves to be abused, your rights and desires are just as important as his. You have to believe that. But first and foremost, your children do not have the ability to take care of themselves, you have to do it. You are their mommy, the number one person in the world to them. Let them know, through your actions, that no matter what you have to go through, they will always be protected.
If he ever hits you or your children, you run, fast and hard. Have him arrested, press charges. You are NOT worthless, you have all of the power in the world, you just have to use it. Please, save yourself and your children. You all deserve a chance. Good Luck.
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The man I'm about to tell you about is a friend that's married. We were co-employees in the same building. Our relationship started out from insults, literially! He's 6'7" and I'm 5'2" so you can imagine the short and tall insults we through at one another. The insults turned into jokes and jokes changed into long conversations as we appeared to be on the same level in so many things. The conversations turned into unexplained feelings that couldn't be denied by either but we were friends and he got engaged.
He's now married (about 2 months)but still wants to keep our friendship knowing there are underlying feelings that neither of us seem to have a firm grip on. We tell ourselves that we can be friends but who's kidding who? He got genuine feelings for me and I know this! We've talked about it but he's decided to let these feelings, out of nowhere, take him wherever they might lead! He's (we've) had these feelings before he got married and at first I thought it was going to be okay, but it seems they've gotten strong since then.
I've tried to put him out of my mind by substituting him with work, other friends and family but it doesn't help when he calls just wanting to talk or ask me to meet him. Nothing's happened between us physically but I'm feelings that's only a matter of time as there's a lot of chemistry and sexual tension between us whenever we're together. I've always prided myself in not getting involved with married men but in this case we're a little different since we started out unattracted to one another and it's grown into feelings that won't seem to go away for either of us. He's tried, or so he's says, not to think about me and concentrate on his marriage, but he can only for a few days before he calls me. I can't explain what I feel for him in words as I've never felt this way for anyone! I've always been able to turn my feelings off and on when it came to men as my first and only love saw to that. My girlfriend thinks we're falling in love (the real thing) with one another. Our relationship has grown over the past 2 years but I don't know if I can control what might happen between us. He's the first to make me feel anxious. The first man I've longed to be with in over 20 years. I've only been in love once in my life but this feels so different! He invades my dreams, for God's sake!
I need someone to put this in prospective for me. Confirm that it's wrong to feel this way about a married man, especially when I can't act upon those feelings. Is this really love or are we all a victim of circumstance? How can you be married to one but have strong feelings for another? Okay, there's much more to this story but this is the jest of it. Is there someone out there that can help? This time it's the advisor that's needs the help . . . . how ironic???? (link)
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Think about this...
If this person will cheat on his wife with you, what on earth makes you think that he wouldn't cheat on you with someone else?
It is very easy to be swept away by emotion and feelings of love. You must weigh the consequences of your actions. They are very, very high. The bottom line is that (and I recognize that you will probably not believe this)when he looks at you - as wonderful as you may be - he is not seeing you he is seeing a way out of his marriage. A marriage, it sounds like, he didn't want from the beginning. You are merely a distraction for him, anything for him not to have to focus on the real issue and that's the fact that he now has a wife and doesn't know what to do with all of the emotions, and fear being married has made him feel.
I hope that you will at least contemplate the fact that your are being used (not in an evil and vindictive way, but just in a convenient way). Please don't put yourself in a position where you will feel more pain and confusion.
Find yourself someone who is completely available to you. That's what you deserve, not sneaking around and lying and never knowing where you stand. Because one thing is true when you get involved with a married man, he'll always be someone else's husband. Good Luck.
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i find myself too emotional, crying at every cute or even vaughly sad thing i see. I CRIED AT THE END OF VEGGIE TALES (the one that talks about not to be selfish) WHEN THE LITTLE ASPARAGUS CAME BACK FROM THE WAR!!!! how do i STOP this madness? this is affecting the friendships i have because i don't want them to know of my over emotional-ness. so i stay away from them. i've tried to hold my tears back but it doesn't seem to work! i've tried converting my sadness (if i'm crying because its sad) to anger or even happiness but i DOESNT WORK. how do i stop the endless flow of stupid stupid tears???? (link)
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First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. Being emotional is not a crime or a sickness and there's nothing for you to feel ashamed of. If your are crying because the things you see or hear or feel, move you then let it flow. Any person who truly cares about you will accept that as a part of your personality and you being a crier should have no affect on your friendships.
From your example above (veggie tales) it doesn't sound as if you're crying out of sadness, it sounds as if you cry because you are a sensitive and caring person who just shows their emotion more openly than most. Be proud of your ability to show compassion. Use your high levels of compassion to get involved, convert it into productive actions not different emotions. I can almost guarantee you that if you redirect all of that emotion into something that makes you feel as if you've made a difference,you may just stop crying all the time.
But if you really feel as if this crying is coming from sadness and you are ovewhelmed oryou find that it effects your ability to function in your life then speak to a parent, or friend about finding a counselor who can help you deal with this problem. Good Luck, let me know how things turn out.
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I have a boyfriend and we get on really well when we're together. We've been going out for 4 months but we've known eachother for a lot longer. We were really good friends before we started going out.
The only thing is, lately he wants to see me 24/7. Don't we need space? I feel I need a bit of time on my own. But I dont know what to say to him. I don't want to hurt his feelings in anyway. When I say I have stuff to do he gets a bit annoyed.........well he kinda says its ok but he hints it a lot that hes not happy with it.
Please help me (link)
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The key to any successful relationship is two fold. 1)trust and 2)communication. Both are neccessary. So first you have to figure out why all of a sudden your boyfriend insists upon spending every waking moment with you. Does he have issues with trust, stemming from past relationships? After you address the trust issue, it is imperative that you make sure the lines of communication are open. Your feelings in this relationship are just as important as his, and as long as you are addressing these issues in a sesitive and respectful way there should be no problem. Everyone is entitled to their personal space, encourage him to spend time with his friends or take up a hobby. But in the end if you don't feel as if you can speak openly with your significant other then your relationship can never be as fulfilling or long lasting as you'd like. Good Luck.
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