Gender: Female
Occupation: Grad student
Age: 29
Member Since: March 28, 2005
Answers: 5
Last Update: September 14, 2007
Visitors: 1339
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Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost two weeks, I know that's not long but we havn't even kissed yet and we're both shy.
We've madeout before but that was at a party when we were drunk and it was before we were going out.
And it's really weird cause it's almost like we're not going out cause we hardly act like it.
And I've loved him for so long now and I don't want to give up just because we're both shy, but nothing seems to be happening.
I don't know what to do. (link)
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First, don't stress out too much about how long you've been going out. Each relationship moves at its own speed on its own time, depending on the people involved, and other factors.
I'd recommend just spending time together doing things that both of you enjoy and getting to know each other better. I don't know if this is the case with the two of you in particular, but I do know that for some shy people (myself included), time spent with someone with no relationship-type pressure, just hanging out with them, helps me get to a point where I am more relaxed around them and therefore less shy.
If you worry too much about how long it's been and whether you've kissed since you've started going out, that's just going to put more pressure on you, which is likely to do one of the following: you'll continue to not do so, as you will be too uncomfortable, or the two of you will kiss, but it'll be unsatisfactory as it was done to get it over with and because you felt pressured.
Relax. Enjoy time spent together (because if you can't do that, then why are you together). Let things happen in their own time, and don't let other people's expectations and calendars dictate your relationship.
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How do I get people at school to see the real me? Everybody judges me except for my friends. I love listening to hip hop and rap and people are give me a weird look when I tell them I just got the new 50 cent CD or whatever. They also drop there jaws when I cuss. They say, "Wow..I never knew you cussed! I thought that was against your religion or something!" Just because I'm a christian doesn't mean I try to be perfect or anything...I am just like everybody else. And people also think that I am really reserved and I'm not AT ALL! I'm very gregarious and open..at least when I'm around my friends. They see the real me but most people just judge me. What can I do so that people won't be so judgemental? I was thinking that maybe it would help if I was a little more talkative at school w/ people who aren't necessarily my friends so people can see my other side. It just really pisses me off when people judge me this way! (link)
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What really bothers you about this?
While I didn't really listen to hip hop and rap when I was younger, the rest doesn't really sound all that different from me from middle school to even now, except that it really hasn't bothered me in years. As a matter of fact, I learned years ago to just embrace it.
There are a number of people who have thought they knew me over the years who would be shocked to hear some of the things I think and some of the things I say to particular friends. However, I don't get upset at the fact that these other people think I'm different from how I am. Instead, I enjoy some of the advantages it gives me.
For example, with the people who are surprised when you cuss: would you rather those words have no effect, as would be the case if they just assumed every other word out of your mouth was a cuss word? I've personally gotten a perverse thrill out of the level of shock some people get when they find out that I even know such language.
And what does it really matter if people who aren't really your friends know what you're like when you are with your friends? Is it really that important that they think you cuss and all that? If it's someone you would like to be friends with who avoids you through some prejudice of their own, that's one thing, but if you don't want them to be you friends, why not let them think what they want?
Is it really that important that mere acquaintances know what music you listen to? Is that why you listen to them, or is it because you enjoy them? If it's because you like that kind of music, it really shouldn't matter what someone who isn't even a friend of yours thinks of you listening to it.
I guess I just don't see what is so bad about them not seeing what you think is the real you. I think perhaps I did feel similarly when I was back in middle school and high school, but that would have been largely a loneliness thing, which would go away whenever I was with a friend or an acquaintance who either didn't see me the same way or didn't care.
My advice? Try to stop worrying so much about how much your public image matches how you are with your friends. The truth is that there are a lot of people out there who are different in private and with their friends than passing acquaintances might believe. Let people think what they think, and worry more about your own happiness, your own life, and your own friends.
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I'm scared, i dont know what to do. Should i involve myself into sexual intercourse? Theres this boy, and i've known him for four years.. He has been t here for me through everything. I recently dropped the highschool scene and went for cyberschool.. It was all because of some friends that wern'et being so friendly... And out of all people he dumped his girlfriend because of me and took my side on it. My bestfriend was his girlfriend. I sorta felt bad about it... But then he told me all the stuff she did to him and how she hurt him. She had cheated on him... and she admitted it to us. He has been there through everyhting... We talk all the time and we are each others best friend. We want to take that further but not sex... When it does come up though... Whhich could be at any given time... How should i react? Should i just give it up? I'm scared because i wouldn't know how to telll my mom... Me and her are sooo open with eachother and i tell her EVERYTHING. but what happens when i lose my virginity and need to go to the gyno? We're gonna hangout at his place this Thursday and i get to meet his family... They are soo nice to me on the phone... hope they are in person to... wish me luck...
Please help.
[«3] Just Me (link)
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If you're not sure, then the answer is no. There is plenty of time later, and it is too easy to end up with problems without rushing into things and regretting it later.
My advice to you would be to promise to yourself that you will not go through with it until after you know you are ready enough; and you always have the option of backing out at the last minute after you make such a decision. Just don't do something just because you think other people think you should.
Take your time if you need to. The amount of time you might need depends on you and your own situation. It may sound trite or cliche, but if he's worth it, he will be willing to wait if you're not ready; there are men who do so even for the women they've married and who are years older than you.
The time to visit the gynocologist is ideally before anything happens sexually, but I can't honestly say it worked that way for me (though I did go before I ever had vaginal intercourse). To be honest, I should have gone sooner anyway, as I was already in my 20s, and every woman 18 and over should go once every few years, even if they are sexually inactive and not on birth control.
It's good that you're being honest about your fears, and that you're thinking about the need to visit the doctor if you do become sexually active. Try to find a way to visit and talk to a medical professional about some of your questions and options before you even seriously consider "losing your virginity"; while it's not what I did, it's what I hope my future daughters will do and sometimes wish I had done.
And even after you do that, don't go through with anything without talking to the guy about it first. Before you get things as complicated as sex can make them, you want to know that you are on similar pages, and that he knows and understands your fears and concerns. You also should have some idea what you might do if birth control failed, for example. And, if he's been sexually active, you'll want to know that he has been tested since his last encounter, just in case.
As for when is the right time, you will have a pretty good idea when that is for you, I'm sure; however, I would advise against acting too quickly on such a decision, allowing time to think about it to avoid a situation in which you were simply carried away by the moment. This is one major aspect of how I handled this sort of question that I feel I got right: the only situation I regretted was a spur of the moment situation in which, luckily, nothing really happened, but it could have had I not come to my senses; other than that one situation, I have no regrets, even though I didn't wait until marriage and my first intimate physical encounters were in a relationship I knew was doomed.
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I was just wondering, I'm only a freshman, and I'm only 14 but I already have an idea of 3 colleges I want to go to, UNC chapel hill, Appalachian State, or Meredith. I was wondering, I know I have to get super good grades to get scholarships and stuff, but how do I go about getting them, and what scholarships are available, or where I can get information on how to get a scholarship. I want to start working towards getting better grades now so I can prepare for my future. If it makes any difference I want to be a teacher.
If this is confusing then sorry, I pretty much just want information on scholarships grade wise, I live in NC, but I don't think that matters. Thanks in advance. (link)
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Try going to the library. There are books on this very subject, including books listing a wide variety of scholarships. As for scholarships from a particular school, for most of those, your application to the school automatically doubles as the application for the scholarships; check the websites for the schools to see if there are particular requirements for those, or if there are additional applications for any of them (when it comes time to apply).
Also, there are some organizations which give scholarships to members or children of members. If you or your parents belong to any organizations which might do this, look to see whether they do, and what you have to do to apply.
As for classes, you should try to keep your course load well balanced; take as much math/science as you can while still taking English and social science courses, with music, art, and/or foreign language thrown in the mix as you see fit. Don't concentrate too much on one type of course at this point -- you can do that later when you are in college and focusing on a particular major and/or career.
If your district has as low a requirement as mine did for math and science for graduation, make sure to take more than is needed to graduate, especially if you want to teach in a related field.
But above all, my advice would be to be careful not to burn out too quickly. Make sure to take classes you enjoy and to have fun; keep an eye on what you want to do and where you want to be, but make sure it isn't all you're doing, or you might end up burning out, without the ability nor desire to complete what you've started.
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O.k i'm 14/fm and live in Texas. I want a b.f. so badly, but none of the boys at my school like me cause i have braces, and i'm 5ft 2inch. I've had boyfriends, but they were'nt very much true b.f.'s. I'm always told by a friend or something that i'll never have a true b.f. that actually likes me, cause they eather say i'm not pretty enough or i'm not smart enough. My dad says i'm pretty, and i get all a's in my classes. How come guy's still don't like me. Maybe a guy could answer this question for me. Thanx lots.
Love- Lacey P.S. i give people who answer nicely 5's.True answers to please. (link)
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When I was your age, I was 5'2" - 5'3" and overweight with braces and glasses. Add to that that I was shy and did better at classwork than at social interactions, and I didn't have much of a love life. I thought I'd never find a guy who really liked me even when I went off to college.
Now I'm married to a wonderful man who adores me and thinks I'm beautiful, even though I haven't moved closer to the stereotypical view of beauty in this society. Nevertheless, we are together and happy, with the rest of our lives ahead of us.
And I know I'm not the only one: among my friends, there have been a few who had similar lack of dating as teenagers and similar poor self image who have since turned that dating drought around, and without changing who they are.
Meanwhile, I knew a girl in college who always had a boyfriend just about since she had been your age; last I knew, she was still single and dating guy after guy. She briefly tried to do things differently after realizing that the friends of hers who found lasting, solid relationships first were actually the ones who hadn't started dating quite so young.
My point is this: whether you start dating now, or in a couple years, or after you're 20, you're not alone, and there's always a chance that you will meet a guy who appreciates you for you. If a friend tells you you will never have a true boyfriend, how true a friend are they really? And if you decide your worth based on whether you have a boyfriend or match up to others' ideals, how will you know who you are and who you want to be?
Concentrate more on liking yourself and being the best person you can be. Try to do well in your education to make a future for yourself. Do things that you enjoy and that make you feel happy and healthy. Hang out with people who don't put you down so much. And don't worry quite so much about not having a boyfriend now. A healthy, happy relationship can only come after you have a certain degree of that health and happiness, along with a good sense of who you are on your own.
I remember quite well what it felt like to be a teenager and dateless, but eventually things did change for me, when I had a better sense of who I was. And to be quite honest, I'd rather the (imperfect) life I have with the husband I have than to have dated more when I was younger. Sure, I really, really wanted a boyfriend, but I obviously survived without one.
Many guys (and girls) your age are immature and shallow; some will always be that way, but some grow out of it eventually, and when that happens, you just might find someone special who sees you as someone special, and that is something worth waiting for.
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