forever23young's advice column

Hi

I'm very confused about my boyfriend as he is causing chaos in my life and I'm not sure what to do. I've been going out with him for 3 years and the first year was great, although we both had partners when we got together. He has a history of cheating on his girlfriends and treating them badly but I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt as he treated me so well. He was sweet, funny, attentive but the more I got to know him I realised that he wasn't the same person I thought I knew. He was also an amphetamine addict who eventually gave up and then was diagnosed with depression.

When I moved in with him last year I found him to be lying constantly, playing mind games, criticising me, being moody, shouting and blaming me for things that go wrong in his life. He has called me names, told me lies that are so obvious yet protests he's telling the truth. I also suspected he was having an affair with a woman around the corner from us which all the evidence pointed to. At the same time he was Mr Charming to everyone else as he manipulated people into thinking that he was a victim, and seemed to have this double personality.

I became so miserable and insecure that I moved out and 55 miles away to live with my parents, which he didn't seem to be bothered about. However within a few days he was ringing me, cying that he couldn't live without me, so I agreed to see him at weekends to help him through his depression. I was seeing him every weekend since May this year but he has only visited me 3 time in all that time, making excuses that he has no money (more lies). Then he hires cars for the weekend occasionally out of spite to prove that he indeed has money but still pretends he can't afford it! When I'm there he acts aloof and doesn't appreciate how much effort and money I spend to see him and doesn't make me feel special or loved. Yet when I'm away and refuse to answer his telephone calls he bombards me with phone calls making false promises of moving to be with me. He goes out with his friends drinking but when I visit he never seems to have any money to do anything and constantly complains about how worse off he is. I feel like I'm going mad as he acts like a different person, depending who he is with at the time. Chaos and confusion reigns whenever he is around. He even lies about when he sees his family and withholds conversation from me about their lives so I never know what he really does from one day to the next except what he wants to tell me.

Recently he sold his house at auction and made £60,000 but has nowhere to live and claims that he sold the house for my benefit!! He says he still can't afford to see me. The only thing he is interested in is me buying a house with him, but I don't even feel like he is my boyfriend who loves me. He has a history of bad credit and a CCJ. Should I trust him or is he using me? Why does he play these mind games with me and expect me to see him with promises he never keeps? Should I just dump him?

Thanks

Nicky

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