As a Life Coach I have loads of life experience and training in helping people sort things out for the better.
You might not always like my advice at first, but that's probably because it challenges you to take more responsibility for yourself.
This is my voluntary work because I like to give something from the goodness of my heart.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Life Coach
Age: 39
Member Since: March 26, 2005
Answers: 7
Last Update: May 4, 2005
Visitors: 2916
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Hi. I'm a fellow Advicenator. I have my own column, if you ask, I could leave you feedback with my username. Although I've always been good at advice...I feel lost right now. Maybe I do know the answer, but I just need to hear it from someone else.
For the past few years...Something hasn't been right with me. I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of always needing to get good grades, I'm tired of people not telling me anything, tired of being ignored, hurt... I'm one of those 4.0+ GPA students. Friends would describe me as hyper. Heck, that's even part of my username. But all this time it's been a cover up of how I really feel. Crying by myself sometimes make me feel better, but time doesn't heal, like they say. Things get worse for me.
This year seemed to work out so well. Until last Friday I realized that this year has all been a lie. A friend told me about something my other friends have been hiding from me. I found out that the people I LOVED, my FRIENDS, were talking trash about my boyfriend and me.
They don't realize that WE HAVE ALL CHANGED. I know I have changed, and I accept that. I accept that they have changed as well. We all want our "old" friends back, but what can we do? I miss them, but I cannot change what has happened between us. My boyfriend has brightened up my life. I thought they would be happy for me. What's funny is THEY were the people that pressured me into saying YES to my boyfriend sooner than I expected. (I don't regret it at all.) I could have gone for months, not giving him an answer. "OMG, say yes already" "Oh, he's a nice guy" I remember lots of quotes, CLEARLY. And now, here they are, talking trash?
My REAL friends are supposed to be there for me. They're supposed to talk to me, even if it's something I don't want to hear. They need to at least try to see things my point of view, and NOT talk trash behind my back. They need to either talk to me about it or keep it to themselves and NOT spread around how I'm such a changed and horrible person.
The only person that is giving me the will to live is my boyfriend. I feel bad he has to see me like this. He tells me he knows how I feel, but he doesn't care because he has me. I'd like to say the same, but honestly, it hurts too much. I love him, but the pain won't go away.
I don't know what to do.
At first I wanted to like yell at my "friends" and go rawr! But then as these few days passed I just wanted to forget. But then I can't forget the pain... I see them every day. I think to myself, maybe if I forget, we can all pretend it never happened because I don't want to ruin things even more. But then I tell myself how could I pretend when something like this has happened? My brain goes back and forth...all the time.
I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. I apologize for the length...I really needed to get that out... Please...I need some wise words. (link)
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When you start thinking about other people and trying to understand how they work, how they feel when things aren't working out, giving them well thought out friendly support and advice you start to become more and more self aware and emotionally independent.
You have taken the step of becoming closer and more initimate in a loving relationship and again you grow and develop.
The down side is that not everyone does this at the same rate and people unconsciously resent the way that you are because they would like to be like that but can't just yet.
You WILL find more people like you, but in my experience there are less of them around, it takes a lot of guts to be going down the road of living with compassion and honesty.
The major upside is that your life will be richer for it and the people you gather around you will be great people.
Learn from your experiences, you may not keep those "friends", but there may be one or two who are being carried along by peer pressure and who are actually OK.
It's about growing up and being true to yourself, keeping an open mind and a loving heart.
It's great that you have chosen a boyfriend who can relate to you, make the most of him and enjoy the time you spend with him, the rest will fall into place, this is just a transition.
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okay.. i was talking to my friend yesterday and she told me she thinks she might be pregnant.. At first i thought she was kidding but she was being serious. She said she doesn't want to tell anybody and would be too scared to get a pregnancy test or anything. She thinks she should be on birth control too. She's only 14! what can i do?.. Oh her boyfriend doesnt know she might be pregnant either :/ (link)
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The first thing to do is to find out if she actually is pregnant by doing the pregnancy test.
It may be that getting stressed out about it has delayed her period. If she is not pregnant, no problem, but she's right she must definitely organise proper birth control. Maybe a family planning nurse at the doctors who has to speak to people confidentially, or a youth organisation who offer birth control advice or a trusted adult who can give sensible advice.
It's very important that your friend does get this checked out. The thing is if she is pregnant she won't be able to hide it, and she will have to make some very important decisions about what to do.
She will have to share this and perhaps you can be with her when she does it. Maybe you could make a few anonymous enquiries to local organisations/school counsellor etc on her behalf to find out the best people to see.
I know it seems scary, but the quicker it's dealt with, the better. Not knowing is the worst thing and it may all be a false alarm and just a good reminder that contraception is essential.
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last month i got my period on the 9th ..it is now the 11th and i still havent gotten it for this month .. is there any way to not get my period after exactly a month ...and is there any way that im still going to get it for this month? (link)
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Periods often have a cycle of their own, from approx 26 to 35 days between each.
Unless you think you are pregnant in which case you should visit your doctor, I would suggest that you make a note of the day that each one starts and see if they have their own pattern.
You might also look for a book in your library/bookshop which explains the body and the way it works, a proper information book.
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i'm 13 and i'm a Christian i'm really big on holding grudges and not forgiving people. i know i know its bad but i'm praying about it and working on it!! bible verses help me alot but lately i cant find any!! i need help on finding bible verses about forgiving..know any?? please help!! (link)
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I don't know any Bible verses, but here's something I try to do instead.
It's easy to think "that person did something bad to me, they must be a bad person and I want them to pay for it". BUT....
They are just a person like you and me.
I've taken to asking myself WHY did they do that?
Generally it's nothing to do with you personally, it's a way they have learnt to behave maybe from their family etc OR maybe they are unhappy and don't know how to deal with it.
There can be many reasons why people behave the way that they do.
It's not to say that their behaviour is acceptable or that you have to have anything to do with them.
But just remember that all of us have times when we do things and then later we look back and think "Hmmm I'd do that differently next time". And hopefully they too will learn that their behaviour doesn't work.
To be honest let's hope that they learn sooner rather than later because THEY are the ones who are putting up barriers to living a happy, sharing and caring life.
So why not ask for light and love to be sent to those people instead of more negative thoughts. Sending love always feels better to me and hopefully helps others to find their way too.
I just say "I send you Love and Light for the highest good and the harm of none" and then let God deal with the rest.
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ok im 14 1/2 ok and theres this awesome guy at my school and i mean i like him and i think he likes me i mean he goes to church and everything job but the thing is he's 17 and ive heard rumors saying that guys make bets and crap on the freshmen to see how fast they can get into there pants i mean im not going to do anything like that but i don't want to be apart of a cruel joke so should i take the chance and go out with him or no.................. (link)
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You can go out with him, but that's no reason to sleep with him.
It is a big decision to sleep with someone and should only be with someone who really cares about you/loves you. If you feel that you might be taken advantage of make sure that you go somewhere public, tell your parents where you are, when you'll be back etc. Get him to pick you up from home?
If this guy is soooo great he will respect you and take time to get to know you first.
14 1/2 is very young to even be thinking about sex, I waited until it was legal and I was with a guy who really loved me. I didn't sleep with him for six months, just kissed and stuff and I think that it was the best decision I ever made, because when we did make love it was REALLY special, like it should be.
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ok im the girl who asked this ? ok me and my bf just broke up last night ok and it was all becuz i told him the truth about something i told him that i was starting to have feelings for someone else and i mean i hadn't cheated on him or anything me and the other guy just talk alot and i think im starting to have feelings for him and my ex was asking me what was wrong and i told him and i told him becuz i felt like i was lying to him and i didn't want to feel that way ne more and now he thinks im imature and sex hungry for some reason which im not i not stupid and i don't plan on doing any of that kind of crap any time soon just cuz the fact my parents would kill me and cuz im to young......so really who's being the imature one here me or him??? and should i have told him?? i mean was it a stupid mistake telling him or did i do the right thing???
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ok now heres the thing i just found out from one of my bestest friends in the world i mean she wouldn't lie to me about anything ok that my ex made out with this chick on a chorus trip and it was in florida when it happened and what not but when i confronted him about it he says what happens somewhere else stays there im just wonder if thats RIGHT in any kind of way.......becuz he made me feel guilty for just talking to another guy and he effin made out with another chick so do you think thats right........
(link)
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You did the right thing, he is totally immature and out of order.
Quite often when someone is in the wrong they become very defensive because they can't take responsibility for what they've done and try and turn the blame on to someone else, in this case you.
Being honest is always the best policy, well done.
You are worth more and he has lots more growing up to do. Keep your standards high and keep telling the truth.
I'm also proud of you for recognising that sex is a big thing and should only take place when you feel ready.
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I am 15/f and I am iching and burning down there and it hurts like heck and I dont know what it is...I have recently had sex like almost a month ago and I am scared that I may have something...could anyone tell me what this could be? If so thanks I need to know a/s/a/p...I'm scared that this could be something bad...please help me I will rate high ...thanks (link)
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It could be cystitis which is easily cured or maybe thrush also easily cured and can happen when you do not clean up after sex. Thrush can be passed on to men, but they don't have the same symptoms, so they wouldn't know.
Please go to the doctors, because it is important to check it out so that you can treat it properly.
I know it seems scary, but if it is anything else the longer you leave it the worse it could be.
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