I love analyzing the little dramas of everyday and the big dramas of always, and the comedies of both. I like brutal honesty, and I think others do too.
Gender: Female
Location: the American Midwest
Occupation: ever-changing
Age: 23
Member Since: February 18, 2004
Answers: 7
Last Update: February 23, 2004
Visitors: 1648
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I was one of the striking grocery workers here in southern california until I got fed up and decided I don't want to picket anymore. The company is trying to cheat us out of our health benefits and I'm really sick of the place anyway. I don't like most of the people I work with because they are sleazy and immature, and I've been there for over six years in the lowest position and am unappreciated. Right now, I'm broke, and I'm thinking that if this strike ends soon, I'll go back temporariy until I can find something better. What do you think? I'm limited in where I can work because I don't drive. Help! (link)
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Dear Out On Strike,
Uggghhh. Yes, this Un-named Grocery Store IS sleazy! My cousin is a manager at one here in the Midwest and they were trying to send her to Southern California to strike-break. When she refused (no-one should EVER be a scab, come on!) her job was threatened. I'm sure you can do better than this, SURE of it! If it ends soon you could work for a bit, but come up with a plan for pulling yourself out of this job.
Have you considered biking to a different area? That's what I do, as a car-less worker. It's easy, fast, fun and good exercise. It may broaden your options. Don't work at a place where you don't feel useful and appreciated! (Or, do it once in a while, but only to keep food on your table while you're planning the next step.) Take classes? Move? Ask friends and family for suggestions? Any and all options that are open to you, I would consider with fierce determination.
Vina
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i'm 10 and just got pregnat. young?... i know! Should i tell my parents?
(link)
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Well, dear, Yes you should. No one should be angry or disappointed in you. You've only been a walking, talking person for about 8 years.
You don't have enough experience in the world yet to deal with this without help. But even so, a girl CAN get pregnant at your age, and if you really are, please don't keep something so hard to yourself.
Again, tell your parents. If this is simply not possible, tell another adult that you love and trust. The adults will be better able to handle this. They will likely be hurt and angry that this happened to you, but no one should be angry AT you. Be brave, be strong, be honest.
You are facing a trial very early in your life...but don't let it bring you down too horribly. Your story is just beginning.
Vina
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How can i make a room feel calm
and want to work
(link)
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Well, I am quite neurotic about lighting. It is my belief that overhead lights make a room less calm, comforting, conducive to work. (And there ARE studies that back this up.) So....
1. Find your ideal lighting. Natural sunlight is the best. If you must 'burn the midnight oil', full-spectrum lamps are a close approximation, I've found. (The bulbs last ten times longer and are supposed to encourage concentration and energy, reduce depression, help with absorption of vitamins, BLAH BLAH BLAH.) If nothing else, use lamps insetead of the overhead.
2. This is obvious...but it's best to choose a space that you will use for nothing but work. A large desk and a comfortable chair (or the closest thing you can find) are helpful if you are doing sit-down work. Keep all your supplies in one place, give everything a place.
3. This may be another thing that works only for me: Either keep something going that creates good relaxing, white noise (fan, washer, etc.) or play music in the room that relaxes you. (My preference is just about anything without lyrics.)
4. If you must, unhook your phone and put a "do not disturb" sign on the door. Do NOT feel guilty about this.
5. People can only work at peak levels for 90 minute stretches. Every ninety minutes reward yourself with a fifteen-minute break (OUTSIDE the room) Walk your dog, eat a snack, whatever.
These are suggestions that have worked for me in the past and are also backed up by "experts". Good luck!
Vina
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Yeah, usually I give advice, but I figured I'd ask this time. Two of you have already seen this question, but I thought I'd just put it out here for the rest of you to help me with.
Okay, here it goes. I've found my DREAM college. I mean, this is what I've been searching for since, like, ninth grade. I'm almost certain I'd be accepted there.
Problem 1 - CalArts is in Southern California. Now, I live in michigan and my mom doesn't want me to go that far away.
Problem 2 - The tuition. $22,190. My dad doesn't have a job, my mom can't work, and I don't have a job yet. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to make that much by next year. However, I do have books written, and could publish them, but even with that I'm not sure I'd be able to make the money.
Problem 3 - my parents both think that the only reason I want to go there is because my boyfriend's going to a college down there. That's not why I want to go.
So essentially, I'm wondering what you guys think. Should I try to get into a college my mom doesn't want me to go to, even though it's my dream school AND if I went there, I'd probably have somewhere to live? Help me out...
-Siren (link)
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Well, hell yeah. Go! Listen, your parents may be mad for a bit but they're going to have to get used to you making your own decisions sooner or later. If I were you, I would first apply and try to get all the financial aid and scholarships I could. If you still lack money then just move on out there anyway, see how long it would take to gain residency
There is no shame in taking a year off to write, shop your book around, save up money, hang out with your boyfriend, soak up the California sun. Now if you don't want to take off of school completely, there are other options. Take some electives at a cheaper school in the CalArts area, a school that will let you transfer them. Or, you may try taking a couple of correspondence classes from any accredited university just to get you started on credits. I would go!
Vina
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One of my friends, Lizzy, is always talking about her friend, Kate. It didn't bother me until I realized how much Kate hates me. Kate once went on Lizzy's screenname on AIM and started saying "I hate you!!" and stuff like that. When I told Lizzy, she said, "I'm going to kill Kate, I am so mad at her!" but they are still best friends. Also, Lizzy talks about all this stuff she hates and when I do, she says its not that bad. And she is always saying blondes are dumb, which they truely aren't and it bothers me to hear people say that. But when I told her it bothered me she just said "Its only a joke." K, so today I said, "wow, Mrs. F really acted like a cheerleader today!" and she said "most cheerleaders aren't ditzy."
K, she said blonde jokes as a joke, I realize it...so when I say the cheerleader thing as a joke, why should she get all mad? She's not a cheerleader, but I am a blonde. blondes aren't dumb. I told her that!
PLEASE HELP ME! WHAT SHOULD I TELL HER WHEN I TALK TO HER?????? (link)
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Lizzy may be a fun girl to hang out with, but I don't think you should worry about what she thinks or does so much...this gives her control over you. Just smile and roll your eyes when she's not consistent. It doesn't matter what she thinks is dumb or who she talks about. When you don't give her a reaction, when you call her bluff and don't let her bother you, she'll have no reason to act that way anymore. Be nice but tough with the girl.
As for Kate, the poor girl needs to figure out Lizzy for herself. It'll probably blow up in your face if you get involved too much. You MAY want to talk to her for a second about the AIM thing, (if you feel like you need to) but don't get too involved. She may lash out at you, but she'll probably hear you and feel better.
Say something like..."Kate, you have no reason to hate me. Trust me. I have no problem with you." Then let that go as quickly as you can (before it turns into an anti-Lizzy conversation.) Don't let anyone bully you or bother you or turn you into a gossip (they end up sounding needy and petty) Keep your cool, keep your kindness,
Vina
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I've liked this guy for a long time, and I can't tell if he likes me or not. A while ago I told him I liked him and he said he didn't want a GF at the time. I still wanted to be with him, so I managed to become his friend. We used to talk for hours online, go to the movies, and we even hung out at my house alone one time. I don't understand, what happened? Things have changed so much over the past few months. I used to think he liked me more than a friend (he was the one who showed interest in me before I even knew him). Nowadays he seems upset when he sees me. No so much annoyance, but almost sadness. I don't know, maybe I'm overanalyzing things (I do that quite often when I'm crazy about someone) but I'm positive that things have changed drastically. Now when I ask him to do things he either doesn't get back to me, or has to work. It hurts really bad because I like him so much, and I thought he liked me too. How can you just stop liking someone? I still catch him looking at me sometimes, but it's so different now. I'd appreciate any advice ya'll could give. Thanks so much!!! (link)
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First of all, dear, everybody overanalyzes things when they're crazy about someone. It's great sometimes getting that fluttery and wild about a person, but it's also a challenge to your willpower. See, this may not sound PC but....relationships have a lot to do with power. The chase. The tease. Relax if you can. This is the fun part.
I'll bet the boy is scared. Relationships are so much pressure when they don't happen naturally. There's no need to try and get over him yet (and that IS hard to do, and that's for another column.) The important thing is to be LIGHT. Invite him out on little adventures you come up with. Be his friend, but be a bit of a mystery, a flirt. Don't bring up your feelings for each other. At the right time, some crazy moment you won't be able to plan for, it'll take care of itself.
Listen, do this and you have it made. Guys are scared of girls. Really, it's true. Good luck!
Vina
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I just got accepted into a summer program in Europe where I have to raise roughly $5000 to go. I have a part time job. I have written letters to businesses and area politicians asking for monatary support, and I think I'm going to ask the local Krispy Kreme for a fundraiser that I can do. Any ideas how I can get more money before June 1? (link)
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Dear Europhile,
The idea of Europe makes your heart pump hard: trains, narrow streets, fresh makets, history. cafes, men with accents, laughing over thick drinks at pub, stimulation, becoming, through this interaction with newness and loveliness, somehow more sophisticated, charming in the long run.
I'va always been the same way.
Now let's get down to brass tacks. I'm sure there are many helpful summer programs but...some are not helpful and many are not necessary.
If you would just like to see Europe, soak in the culture, learn something, there ARE cheaper and more flexible opportunities. For instance, I know many people have lovely times as au pairs (see greataupair.com for example.) Others have done fruit-picking, worked on organic farms, taught English, or worked under-the-table at pubs or hostels. This may not be right for you right now, but working is an excellen way to get a feel for a culture!
Now, ahem, to the question at hand: quick cash.
You have three months. You must raise about 1650 a month. I admire your initiative so far. Some other suggestions for quick cash:
You may want to chech out gpgp.org, if you have a bit of nerve. I've seen many wonderful people live to tell about it. You could get a job, for a bit, at a nice restaurant (the kind where people regularly pull in $100 a night. Those are nice.) You may go further with the fundraiser idea (see if there are any bands that would play that would like the publicity.) You may have an artist friend donate a work that you can raffle off. If you're a student, you may want to see if there is anthing you could do to get a cultural studies credit for your experience (thus helping to justify the cost in your parents/realtives eyes) You may have/find something rare that will sell on e-bay. You may see if a local newspaper or magazine would right an article on you....or see if they may pay you for an article about your travels. This is exciting...be daring. Good luck to you. It'll be hard-- but it'll be worth it when you're feeling young and alive in your plane far above the ocean,
Vina
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