I am new to advicenators, but I have been giving advice for a long time. Sometimes people have even taken it!
Who am I? I have an older sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother. My parents are divorced, but I can still remember when they were married. I am a junior in high school and although I take advanced courses I only have a B average. I love to learn and think and read and write.
I know a lot about: siblings, English, womanhood, politics, insomnia, fantasy literature, Japan, Seattle, cats, high school drama departments, grocery stores, sports medicine clinics, big extended families, grammar, and...um...Les Miserables.
I like to tell people to think for themselves, because I think it's the most important thing you can do.
So ask away!
Gender: Female
Location: Seattle
Occupation: Bagger of Groceries, Puller of Carts
Age: 16
Member Since: January 10, 2007
Answers: 10
Last Update: January 12, 2007
Visitors: 2119
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hey guys..im going to a party 2morrow and this guy i kinda like is going too. I know hes going to want to sit beside me and put his arm around me. What do i do after he does that? Do i lean my head on his shoulder? Or what?!?! (13/f)
-Thanks alot (link)
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First, that is so sweet! I just got warm fuzzies all over!
Okay, but when he puts his arm around you, you don't have to do anything really. Just smile at him, then go back to watching the movie. (Or carrying on the conversation, or whatever you were doing.) If you feel comfortable, you can scoot closer to him so that your sides are touching.
But leaning on someone's shoulder isn't actually comfortable for anyone, and you'll want to take it off pretty much as soon as you put it down.
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i'm 15, and my boyfriends 15, he's always grabbing my vagina, whats up with that?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! (link)
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Whoa whoa whoa! Have you told him to stop? That is NOT OKAY. The way he touches you clearly distresses you--let him know. I suppose he could just be a really clueless boy and not realize it makes you uncomfortable. So tell him to stop. Loudly.
If he still won't stop, GET AWAY. Do not continue your relationship. Do not encourage him. Avoid all contact with him. Because if a boy won't stop touching you when you tell him to stop, that is assault. And a boy who would assault you is not boyfriend material.
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It's almost at the end of the quarter and I have been so depressed and overwhelmed lately that I fell behind on assignments, and now I am failing them! I feel like crying but I have been lately trying to pull the grades up. I have only a week to make the effort to pull it up to a C, so does anyone have ideas and methods I could use to pull the grades up? (link)
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TALK TO YOUR TEACHERS! Right now! That is the only way to bring up your grades in such a short time. Let your upset and stress show as you tell them in person why you think you're failing, and ask them if there is ANY way to make up assignments or do extra credit or do SOMETHING to raise your grades.
Also, do not spend ANY time this week on the internet or watching television (except what is required for homework.) Dedicate the rest of the week for schoolwork, because it's an emergency. There is always something you can be doing to prepare for a class, doing the homework and make up work or studying or going over past assignments and tests to see where your weaknesses are. Put whatever issues were making you overwhelmed and depressed on hold for the moment. They will just have to wait: you have more important things to do. ;-)
It's going to be a crazy week, but you've already done the hardest part, which is realizing that it's necessary. (Good job!)
Do you have midterms? Make sure you ace them. Study, with your friends maybe, or alone--and don't listen to any music with words in it. That'll just distract you. Ask about what you don't understand (you can even ask on here). If your teachers see that you are really making an effort, they will be more inclined to be forgiving.
Oh, and if you feel like crying, definitely cry. Tears have these chemicals that make you depressed, so when you cry, you're getting rid of depression by getting the chemicals out of your body. Trust your body; it knows what it's doing.
Anyway, good luck, and let me know how it goes!
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i have bad conversation skills with people i dont normally talk to alot... so the people who really get to be my friends have patience with me and stuff. is that a bad thing? i mean, im a good person and all.. but I kind of act differently in school than at home. im more easygoing at school but there.. I guess I get kinda tense, especially with tests, and peer pressure and stuff. also, some people who used to be like friends with me kind of left because of me not like bringing forth the relationship. but sometimes im awkward and just not having a good day perhaps, but i try to be optimistic.. cuz thats my nature. I'm 13 years old too. how can i get more friends? i mean, people say to be outgoing and kind and all that.. but that doesn't really help.. you know? maybe break it down to easier steps or something. cause you just cant tell someone to "talk to more people" its hard to come to those steps.. and them actually having effects. well with me... like nobody hates me from what I know of, but nobody is really like "shes my best friend!" (except for my actual bff) and stuff. i'd like to have more relationships with these people and others, too.
also, theres this popular girl in my class and for some reason my teacher made her sit next to me, along with another pretty popular class clown guy on my other side. im okay with the guy, except for what i wrote above. like he used to talk to me alot and junk when we first met and stuff, but now its like he kinda abandoned me.. and doesnt talk to me much, kinda. and the girl, shes real popular and sometimes i feel like i cant be myself or it feels weird or something. i mean.. its like im myself but kinda intiminated or idk. how do i act more like myself????????????????????????? this happens alot with popular people, unless i knew them before they were popular. i can act more like myself with people who arent so popular.. cause its a sad way of thinking but i kinda feel like im better than them.. i know i shouldnt think that, but i dont get intiminated by them or anything. ahh i have problems! help puh-leese!?! (link)
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Some specific things to do to be more social: Strike up a conversation with someone who is not your friend, every day for an entire school week (in order to keep the conversation going, the trick is to get them talking about themselves. Ask what they did over the weekend, then ask them questions about their answer.) Make eye contact with people often, and smile when you do it. If there is someone you would like to be better friends with, strike up conversations with that person every day.
Join a club. Limit the time you spend in front of a computer or television, and use the time you save to take walks or be with people or learn something new.
As for tests and pressure and other things like that, when you start to get really stressed out, stop, take some deep breaths, and think about the cause of your stress. Think about how important it is, and how long it will last, and the worst that could happen if it goes wrong. Is it a test? Well, you prepared, didn't you? Teachers aren't out to trick you--the test will be easy if you know the material. And if you get a bad grade on the test, well, how will that affect your grade? Not so bad, right? And I'm sure you could talk to your teacher if you did poorly, and ask for help, or a chance to retake it.
My favorite saying is "This Too Shall Pass." It means that no matter how important or terrible something seems right now, in a week or month or year you won't even care anymore. Class will be over. Fights die down. Tears dry. Chin up! It's okay!
And try not to spend too much time thinking about popularity or whatever. Seriously, popularity does not matter. Who cares HOW MANY friends you have? I would rather have one friend who would never betray me, than a thousand "friends" who will only stay as long as it's convenient. So since you have a bff, I would say that you're set.
So my advice is basically: be nice and friendly, because it is good to be *friendly* with people, but you don't need a lot of *friends* to be happy. And don't stress too much about anything. No matter what it is, it too shall pass.
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ok well i'm in grade 8 and we have to learn about the human body but not puberty just like the cells and stuff and i was wondering why? like we're just learning about our body but nothing to do to our body or anything like if we learn about puberty we can make things better for ourselfs but we're learning about cells.. (link)
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Okay, let me see if I can explain this...
We're made of cells, right? So in order to understand our bodies--not just during puberty, but for the rest of our lives--we need to understand cells.
Knowing about cells helps us understand the effects of drugs (legal or illegal) on our bodies. It helps us understand the effects of smoking, of eating, of not eating. It helps us understand cancer (cancer is just a group of cells that won't stop reproducing.) When we understand how our bodies WORK, we have the knowledge to help keep our bodies working WELL. So you could think, "Gosh, doing this drug will kill off my brain cells because of x, y, and z, so I won't do this drug, because losing brain cells will have effects A, B, and C. Cells are relevant because we are cells.
I know you're learning about more than just cells, too, right? Other stuff probably applies. As you learn, try to figure out how you can use that stuff to stay healthy and happy.
By the way, if you are worried about anything in specific having to do with puberty, like something you're going through (because it sounds like this is the case), don't hesitate to ask someone! Like knowing about cells, knowing about puberty is important knowledge you need. (But I see you already knew that.) The best person to ask would be a parent, doctor, or teacher of your sex, but if you're embarassed, advicenators might have the answers you need. ;)
I hope that helped!
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What are some cute little things i can do for my boyfriend. We've only been dating about 3 months, so its nothing THAT serious..but i want us to last..
Any cute things i can do? like notes in his locker and stuff like that?
Thanks a bunch! (link)
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First, I think it's so sweet that you want to do that for your boyfriend. Kudos!
Let me see...you could always bake something of course--cookies are good 'cause they're easy to transport. Or sew/create craftily him something. Nothing big like a sweater, but maybe more like a bracelet.
If you are still in school, you could slip into his class before he gets there--maybe enlist the help of his friends to keep him distracted--and leave something on his desk, like a smiley face drawn in Hershey's Kisses. Notes in his locker/lunch are great.
Go to his sport events/concerts/performances, when he doesn't know you'll be there.
Basically, anything that you had some part in creating, something that is only for him, will be special and wonderful. Whatever lets him know that you care about him and his life and like to see him happy.
Hope that helped!
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WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG BUT I SERIOUSLY NEED ADVICE ON THIS. PLEASE DONT LEAVE BECAUSE ITS TOO LONG. YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT ALL BETTER FOR ME. PLEASE READ.
ok. so me and my mom fight non-stop. screaming yelling crying. the usual. its weird because we used to be really close and would always go shopping and crap and i would tell her everything yatta yatta. well i really want to be her "friend" er w/e. i mean not like besties but id like to at least have a positive relationship. seriously. usually, like as of right now, i hate her guts. with a strong passion. she ruins my life.
does anyone know anything i can say to her that lets her know i need her? this sound really cheesey i know. but its like ruining my life not to have a positive relationship. i mean. i get grounded for the f-ing retaredest things (if thats even a word..) and because of her i wont be able to spend this coming weekend with my boyfirend. (its our anniversary) and im superrr pissed.
anything.. please. this is serious. i hate my life. and its all because of her. i honestly wish my parents would divorce just so i wouldnt see her as much. but the only thing is she says that if my parents were to divorce (for the like 3rd time) she wouldnt let me live with my dad. yeah right. i would refuse to live with my mom.
ughhhh. please help..
oh and by the way;
if it makes a difference, she has cronic depression and doesnt always take her medications (which pisses me off). so shes always bitchy. my dad agrees with me that sometimes she goes over the top.
I KNOW THIS WAS LONG BUT PLEASE HELP!
xoxo
14/f (link)
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Pick a time when you two are not fighting. That's when you tell her that you love her and need her. If that's too awkward, try just talking about a specific incident when she helped you and made you feel good, and give her a hug.
Its so sad that your mom has depression. It means you're going to have to be a lot of the adult in your relationship--you have to be forgiving and patient and kind.
And you say she is ruining your life: don't let that happen. Whenever you start to get upset about the fight you had last night (or whatever) just remember that that was then, and you don't have to carry it with you.
And smile. I mean it! Smiling really does cheer you up, so even when you feel terrible, smile, and you will feel better.
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Okay my little brother is sooooo anoying! He comes in my room bugging me to death! Then when my friend is over he comes walking in saying can I do that to? He just won't leave me alone what do I do? (link)
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Be patient. Try to include him, at least when your friends aren't over. He is probably bored out of his mind--my little brother always is--so if you're just watching television/ reading a book/ taking a nap/ surfing the net/ doing something else that's not too important, make the time to play legos or something with him.
That way, when it is important that you be left alone (you need to talk with your friends), he will be MUCH more likely to respect your wishes.
You might even find you enjoy spending time with him!
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so me and my boyfriend keep trying to have sex. the last time we did it he was inside me but i could tell he wasn't all the way in because i kept tightening up on account of the pain (was a virgin btw). i love him and i want to do it but i just can't seem to relax enough to let him go all the way in. how do i fix this? he fingers me, im wet enough, and i know i want to do this, so it's none of those reasons. help??? (link)
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I like what ducttape said: If you are tense and nervous, you won't be able to enjoy it at all. If it doesn't gross him out, have your boyfriend try giving you cunnilingus (oral for girls).
When you're doing it don't focus on what you think should be happening, or on making sure he gets in all the way. Instead, focus on deep steady breathing. Pleasure will come, eventually. Have faith.
Good luck!
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This confuses me to the point where it makes me sad.
Ill explain the situation.
A guy.
Me and my friend both like.
We all know eachother VERY well.
He claims he hates both of us.
He told me he didnt hate me anymore,yet he told someone else he did.
He tells he hates her and he likes me as a friend.
Yet, he wont talk to me at school.
But, sometimes he talks to her.
Usually , he'll try and get my attention but not talk to me.
Or when we are together, he will do something to her and not me[for attention],he'll just like give me this stare.
oh yeah, i forgot to mention that both of us did sex kinda stuff with him, but i did it more and he said he would do it with me again but not her.
But at the same time, at school he would call me fat and etc.
IS this kid on drugs or what?
I need help , this is always making me sad.
And your gonna say to move on, i try and i try and i try,
i cant get over this kid.
Ive liked him ON and OFF for 3 years, but this time has been the most
thnks
(link)
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It doesn't sound like he likes you at all. It sounds like he is using you--and probably your friend--for sex. This boy is mean and cruel. Stay away from him as much as possible. He is making you depressed; he is making you feel bad about yourself; he is not worth it.
I know you can find someone more worthy of your time.
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