Member Since: April 27, 2009
Answers: 6
Last Update: April 28, 2009
Visitors: 1370
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hey I'm 13 and like I've never had a bf. And sometimes I just feel so lonely. Most of my friends have boyfriends and they just seem so happy. And well I like this guy we talk just a bit over aim but thing is he's popular with people which makes it hard to talk to him during school but I just don't know I really want a boyfriend and sometimes I jus feel so disconected from the world like three times this week when my friends have said my name people are like who? And I just sit there like this is so depressing so I need ur help how to stand out .... Just something to make me feel like somebody cause right now I'm just like what to do with my life (link)
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Everyone older than you will tell you that your problems aren't as bad as you think. They've forgotten firstly that your brain is developing and growing, that you have a hell of a lot of hormones at your age, and that you've never had to deal with the things you're going through. So for you, it's a big deal.
Now, the first thing to ask yourself whenever you're upset by anything, and this is general life advcie that will always be true, is whether you are getting upset about the right thing.
In this case, you're upset because you want to stand out. But that's not the right thing to be upset about. The Columbine High shooters managed to stand out, didn't they, but they were utterly evil bastards. I don't think you want to shoot up your school to get people to notice you. Simply standing out is not the point by itself.
The other thing is - who do you want to stand out to, anyway? Other kids at school? Why are they so special that you feel insignificant just because they don't recognise you?
If you have a boyfriend, you will have a whole lot of new challenges and new problems. What if he wants to have sex? What if he treats you badly? What if he hates your friends, or your friends hate him? Believe me, if that happens you will have to make painful choices.
I know you're lonely right now, and it seems to take forever for the school years to pass. You're still too young to have any real freedom and you don't know what you're going to end up doing with your life. I sympathise; I went through it and I'm glad for me that's over.
Focus on the things you like. Find a hobby, explore new interests. It might be an author, a band, art, sport, anything. But find out what you like. You'll be surprised how many friends you make from simply being involved in an activity - and they're real freinds because you share a common interest.
Really, the best formula is to have a few close friends (maybe just one, maybe 5 or 10) and then you have acquaintances who aren't really friends but you know and might be friendly towards.
Ask yourself this - would you have time to be best friends with absolutely everyone in your grade, anyway? No way!
Finally, when it comes to boyfriends - don't spend time with a boy simply because he's better than nothing. Wait for someone who shares your values and who you like for the right reasons. If you are tied up in a relationship when that perfect guy comes along, you won't realise it because you're distracted! It might seem like it takes forever, but this is the time in your life when you learn patience. It's not easy. But you just gotta work at it.
It'll take time, but sadness and happiness visit everyone. Your friends are happy right now, in the future they will be sad, you're sad right now, in the future you'll be happy. Just be strong through the sad times and enjoy the happy times when they come. Best of luck!
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I am a female college student, and I've been keeping my hair long because I am majoring in theatre, and I assume it's the best thing for acting in plays. However, I've always loved having my hair short. It's the most flattering way I could wear my hair, and I love that it's easier to fix. Plus my hair is really frizzy, so when it's long it's really tough to manage. It isn't as if I want to be a professional actor, but I might want to go to grad school in the future for a master's degree. I'm a junior right now. As superficial as it sounds, I feel like cute short haircuts are like a signature for me and I feel like a part of my personality is missing. On the other hand, I like the versatility that long hair gives me as far as acting goes. Should I cut my hair? (link)
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This is a pretty superficial problem to have.
Your personality has nothing whatever to do with your appearance. You'd be just as lovely, or just as nasty, whatever the length of your hair.
Isn't long hair easier to fix because you can just tie it back? How does short, frizzy hair look "cute"? I think it would make you look like a boy with an afro, unless you spend a lot of time keeping it straightened and under control. That doesn't sound like low maintenance to me!
But if it's a pain in the neck long, and you prefer short, then as someone else mentioned, cut it and fall back on wigs. You mentioned you assume long hair is better - maybe ask a professor rather than assuming. That might decide it for you one way or the other.
If you have no plans whatsoever of being an actor, why are you planning on spending your college years majoring in theatre?
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Iam 20 years old and iam a female my boyfriend is 21 years old and we have only been dating for a week and he's alredy asking me when we are going to makeout and have sex and he says he's the kind of guy who is very sexually active and I told him that I just don't think iam ready for that kind of serious relationship that he wants especially since the last time I had done something sexual with a guy when I was 18 which it was only oral sex so iam still a virgin but the guy hasn't talked to me once since we had oral sex and iam afraid if I do this it will happen to me again what should I do? (link)
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You're not ready. It's all he wants. Simple. Time to call it quits.
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OK So i recently got back with my girl nd A few nghts ago she asked me if i wanted to make out of course i said yes and while we were she was like trying to go down with her hand and feel me up right and um i liked it it felt amazing and like then u know it got further in and i was a virgin so like first she took me over to the bed i asked her if she was sure and she said yea so like we undressed each other and we were both fuly naked so then um she laid on top of me and put my dickup right and um like two seconds in i noticed i was inside her i dont know why but i didnt like the feeling so i pulled out and shes mad at me any reason why??? (link)
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Girls are strange. That's why you are confused. I'm married to the strangest of the lot - now that I've figured her out, all of them make sense. This one is easy to figure out!
She is mad because she is embarrassed. Nearly every time a woman is mad at you, it's because in some way you've diminished her self-worth. A girl who will have sex with you is supposed to be the holy grail for a teenage boy, and you stopped. She was supposed to be guaranteed that you would think she was fantastic, because she was putting out. But when you freaked out, it made her feel rejected. Now, as above, she's questioning her self-worth, and it's because of you.
Her response to this is to treat you as though you don't deserve her. The reason for this is also strange - by deciding you're crap, she doesn't have to feel hurt that you rejected her. See - you don't count, so it doesn't matter what you think. That's how chicks think. (Actually, all of this is subconscious. She's not thinking about it at all. It's just how women operate.)
The worst thing you can do is identify any of these things to her. Don't tell her you understand she's embarrassed. She probably hasn't thought it through rationally enough to realise it for herself. All she knows is you made her angry - and if you try to tell her the problem is she's embarrassed, you will make it sound like the problem is all her AND you'll come across as a smarmy bastard or condescending, or something similar.
What you want to do is find something else to blame. Maybe you can tell her your penis was injured playing sport and you were embarrassed to say anything, but you're "all better now". Or maybe you can say you were just worried that you would get her pregnant - it sounds like you weren't using a condom. You can say you freaked out because of that and didn't know what to do. Depending on the chick, expressing some vulnerability like that might help. Maybe you can say you thought you were supposed to stop so she didn't feel you were trying to take advantage of her. Then you come across as a nice guy, which depending on the chick might help. However, some chicks don't want a vulnerable or nice guy. (Those woman are by definition skanks and you're better off without them.)
Whatever it is, make it an excuse so it's not her fault (remember, she doesn't even realise she thinks it's her fault), and if possible make it not your fault either.
Young chicks are suckers for fairly basic romantic moves, so flowers and a poem are a good start. Don't mention the pullout fiasco in the poem, for Christ's sake.
Only if she is willing to talk to you after your romantic move should you bother trying to excuse yourself.
Remember, you have nothing to feel ashamed about. It's your body. I wasn't all that ready either. This is all just an exercise in managing the situation. You just want her to feel better, and the way to do that with a chick is remove her responsibility for her predicament. Take the blame yourself or blame something else. This is advice which which is always true of women.
If you think that makes me sexist, well you're right. But I'm equally sexist about my own gender. We men are stupid, sex-obsessed, insecure morons who secretly just want a woman who will accept our many shortcomings. Only a fool can fall in love with a pair of pretty eyes or put up with endless, mindless conversation with a simpleton just because she has nice legs. But we do it. We're idiots.
Women are self-centred fools who never want to be blamed for anything. The reason you can't tell sexist jokes around women is that no matter who the butt of the joke actually is, any woman hearing it will think you're talking about her. Women personalise everything - anything you do or say, she automatically relates it back to her. In the true sense of the world, they are selfish, because everything is "about" them. (This isn't said nastily. I don't mean selfish in the sense that she puts herself first, just that she relates everything to herself.)
And they'll be downright bitches to you if that means they don't have to feel bad about something you said or did; by reducing you to "nothing", it doesn't matter what you think.
So, while your girlfriend is being unreasonable, you're still tying yourself in knots trying to figure out why, and what to do. That's because you're a stupid man :). she's being unreasonable. The "fair" thing to do is leave her to figure it out for herself, and to hell with her if she can't. But you're a guy, so you want to put up with her crap and sort out the problem.
She's trying to cope with it being "her fault" that you "didn't want her". That's because she's a stupid woman :). The truth is that your actions had nothing to do with her, she'll never realise it, and you can't ever tell her because it will make you seem like you're condescending to her, which will piss her off even more.
So just blame something else - and the best of luck with being a skirt-chasing, silly male.
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In short, there is a guy that I still really care about. We met when I was in 9th grade, had a complicated relationship for a year, then my mom decided that she didn't like him and 'banned' me from him. But we continued meeting, she found out, we had a blow out, and then I ended up cutting off all connections with him. It's been a year since I've talked to him & I still really miss him and love him & he's been trying really hard to try and meet me but I've been ignoring him the best I can. I really don't want him to graduate high school thinking that I don't want to talk to him. I really miss him and I want to start seeing him again desperately. But then there's my mom. I don't know what to do. She won't listen to me; she doesn't care; she doesn't think that 16/17 yr olds are capable of feeling emotions other than angst and false love. I don't know if I should just try and let him go (after a failed year of doing so) or see him against my mom's wants [of course, this will involve her not knowing].
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You won't like this answer.
Teenagers are quite capable of feeling lots of emotions. The problem is, they feel them all the time, all at once, and can't keep feeling them about the same people or things long enough to keep track of them. I've been there, I know how it feels, and I employ teenagers now and see them going through exactly the same things.
I cannot tell you how many times I was in love as a teenager. I can tell you though that each one was a devastating tragedy when it didn't go the way I wanted it to. Yet somehow I've managed to survive - and somehow I managed to get back on the horse and have another little melodrama further down the track.
Anyway, your mother knows you a hell of a lot better than you think, because you're half her and she's been through what you're going through herself. And don't kid yourself that it's all different these days. In years to come, if you're lucky enough to have a good relationship with her (if you're smart enough not to alienate yourself by ignoring her), you will laugh with her over this and other teenage dramas, and she'll tell you about the ones she had in her teens. It's all the same, only the clothes are different.
Remember when you were a baby and you cried when your parents had to take things off you because you might stick them in your mouth and choke on them? No? You probably don't. But I bet they do.
Have you ever, in your teens, discovered that you enjoy a food you hated as a little kid? Life's a lot like that as you mature. Your tastes are developing and so is your ability to judge the good men from the bad. For the time being, take good advice while it's there.
I'd say it's entirely likely that this is a similar situation. They're in a better position than you to judge. I'm not saying you're a baby, but you don't seem to even understand that she might have a better perspective on this than you. I haven't noticed the faintest clue that you might even ask her why she's banned this relationship. You just seem to want to go behind her back.
Maybe this boy isn't going to break your heart, but maybe he's just got all the hallmarks of someone who's going to hold you back or suck you into whatever trouble he gets himself into.
Every year, parents forbid their teenage kids from doing stuff which the parents think might be unsafe. And every year, teenagers complain they're not taken seriously enough by their folks. I was annoyed with my parents that I couldn't hang out with my mates who had a car. When I was 15, two kids at my school died in an auto accident, including a friend of mine. My parents were overly cautious, I thought, but now I realise it was for a reason.
People your age will agree with you that your mother should see your side and you should find a way to get what you want. But I tend to think she might have a point, and you should find out exactly what it is she doesn't like before you decide she's wrong.
It sounds like the sort of answer you're looking for here is just one which agrees with you. It sounds like you're going to do what you want either way. Well - don't ever complain that your parents weren't looking out for you if you reject their advice, which is only ever given with your best interests at heart!
I've been a teenager. I've been that predatory, horny teenage boy. I'm in my 30s now and have a daughter of my own. I suddenly understand why my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain kids when I was growing up. And I look back at pictures of myself as a stupid teenage kid and realise that no matter how much I thought I knew it all back then, I was totally clueless.
You'll look back on this when you're my age and laugh, and think how silly you were making it an end-of-the-world drama about this boy, when you haven't spoken to him or had anything to do with him for more than a decade.
Your mum has been a teenage girl and has experience you would be well advised to try to learn from. Of course, there's nothing better than your own experience, but then not all experiences are good. Maybe your mum has an identical experience of her own - maybe she ignored her mother, and got hurt. Maybe that's why she has banned you from this kid.
You will ultimately do what you want - but I get the feeling this boy will be your own little lesson and the reason you one day ban your own daughter from seeing a boy you just don't like. Just don't get knocked up.
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hey, im a christian, and im 16, i've been looking for some cute teenage quotes, for example:
God is Love and Love is Real.
Above al else guard you heard -Proverbs something
this is my command love one another -bible.
you know what i'm getting at?
help me out? (link)
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I would have thought one of the prerequisites for calling yourself a Christian would be preparedness ot read your Bible.
That would be the first place I would look.
Then again, the reason I'm an atheist is I read the Bible long enough to pick up on all the irreconcilable contradictions in it, so maybe that isn't the best advice.
Christians are entertaining because they fail to realise their beliefs are little more than organised superstition - I probably shouldn't be harsh though because I fell for all that crap too when I was too ignorant of the world to question what I was told, and I was young and stupid enough to believe it was my 'duty' to think a certain way.
Anyway, none of that is relevant. If you're a Christian, then be interested enough in it to read a Bible once in a while. Over to you, kid.
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