I'm here to answer questions about sex and relationships. Everyone is welcome to ask anything that concerns you. I'll always answer with thoughtfulness and respect.
Member Since: November 27, 2004
Answers: 22
Last Update: December 2, 2004
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im 18/m. I had a gay realtionship about a year ago, and it went on for about 6 months. Im now tired of guys and im with my girlfriend. I really should tell her that i was with this guy, she has no idea that i was. She even knows the guy. How can i tell her w/o her finding out who it was, and will she leave me if she finds out? (link)
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Why should you tell her you were with this guy? Is it going to strengthen your relationship? Most people have really bad prejudices against bisexuality. She may very well start fearing that you are going to leave her at any time for a guy. It's a ridiculous fear, but a lot of people think that way. Hopefully, you already know that there was nothing wrong with you having a relationship with another guy, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, honesty is important in a relationship, however, you do not have to know everything about each other's past relationships. Has she ever asked you about your past relationships? Has she ever asked you if you've ever had a sexual relationship with a guy? If she did ask, and you lied, that's a problem. Sometimes, people feel compelled to tell their partners everything about every past relationship and sexual experience for the sake of being honest. Maybe this is something about yourself that you want to share with her. But really think about why you are telling her, and how telling her is going to be good for your relationship.
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i have been feeling bad for a while.. i think i have the disease depression... im almost 16 years old and until recently i havent told anyone except my best friend... i want to tell my mom and go to the doctor to find out for real but im scared... im afraid she wont understand or not take me seriously or get mad... some of my symptoms are: alot of insecurities with myself, feeling empty, trapped, i always wanna stay home and sleep, i hate myself, im sick of my life, and i have alot of regrets.... im not so bad that im thinking of suicide though.. i would NEVER do that.... the thing is i think i have a pretty good life and im lucky for the things i have and that makes me feel really guilty about feeling bad..... i have a good house, im healthy, i have a family who loves me, my parents are together, and i have alot of stuff but i still feel depressed....... i no there are people who have it so much worse than me and all that makes me feel so much worse about how i have been feeling.... my questions are do u think i am really depressed like.. do u think i have the disease or do u think im just a moody teenager? and do u think i should tell my mother? please please time one million answer my questions!!!! i reallyyyyyyy need help! (link)
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A doctor is going to need to diagnose depression, if that is what you are suffering from. The important thing is for you to get some help. It sounds like you are going through a terrible time. Don't minimize your feelings by saying you're "just a moody teenager." Your feelings are real and important to you. If your mom cares about you, she is going to want to help you with your terrible feelings. Don't shame yourself by telling yourself you "should" feel better. That's just going to make you feel worse. It's good to appreciate the good things you have in your life, but if you are suffering from depression, being optimistic isn't going to be enough to relieve your symptoms. Tell your mom what you are going through. A lot of people don't understand that depression is a disease that requires professional treatment, not just rational, optimistic thinking. You need to see a doctor and find out if you are actually clinically depressed. There are people who want to help you-- don't be afraid to ask!
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i've been on the pill for about 2 weeks now and i was told not to have unprotected sex until i was on the pill for about a month or so. well last night me and my boyfriend were having sex and 2 condoms broke...we were so caught up in the moment that we decided to keep going and he was gonna pull out. well he did and when i looked down it took a couple seconds for him to "go" i'm pretty sure we're safe but what do you think? (link)
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I'm wondering how old you are, and who is telling you it is ok to have unprotected sex just because you are on the pill. The pill will work most, but not all, of the time to keep you from getting pregnant. But it will not EVER work at protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases. You and your boyfriend got so "caught up in the moment" that you were willing to risk getting pregnant in order to enjoy sex without the inconvenience of putting on a third condom. I don't mean to be harsh, but this makes it look like you are not mature enough to handle the potential consequences of an active sex-life. You are taking unecessary risks with your health! Seriously consider using condoms and the pill. Yeah, condoms suck, but they aren't as bad as catching an STD, which run from mildly annoying to life-threatening. Take care of yourself!
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Well I've known this guy for about 2 years over the internet. (I met him through a friend who met him 6 months before me) We've talked on the phone, sent letters, pictures, webcams, and all of that, also I've talked to his family and friends so that I know everything he says is true. I've told him that I love him, and he says the same to me. When he gets his liscence, he was going to come and visit me. We only live about 5 hours apart... Yeah, we've had our ups and downs but i still love him, even though we're not "going out" or anything. I know he's had sex once before with his ex girlfriend of a year. I would have sex with him, but I'm still a virgin and I think I'm too young. He's not pressuring me or anything, it's something I wanna do. (Please don't lecture me about it, I know, I also don't need inappropriate vulgar remarks thrown at me for this) He's 16 and I'm 14, but I'll be 15 by the time he gets to visit. I just need some help on what to do to make me feel more open with him. I guess I just feel intimidated because it's not his first time. (It's also not like I've never done anything sexual before, just not sex itself) Please help me out with this. (link)
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There is a lot going on in your question. First of all, you are in love with someone you have never actually met. There is so much potential for you to be hurt here. In his emails and online chat messages, he seems like the perfect guy-- everything you've ever wanted. You can tell him anything, and it seems like he knows you better than anyone else. Right? Please keep in mind that right now he is a total fantasy. A person can be witty, brilliant, kind, warm, cool, sexy, etc. in emails, and be a complete dud in person. Before you meet this guy, try to give yourself a dose of healthy skepticism. Maybe you are a match made in heaven, but you will have no idea until you meet him in person.
As far as having sex with him is concerned, I think you have given yourself a great answer here. You said you would have sex with him, but you think you are too young. Good answer! Take your time! You are going to have a lot of opportunities in your life to have sex. Maybe it's going to be best for you to really take your time and know someone so well that you know absolutely for sure that you are ready to have sex with him. That's when you'll be ready for your first time.
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I am a 22 year old female, I have had two sexual partners. I don't find sex very fulfilling, and am low on the LUST. I have just broken up with my boyfriend and find that I am repulsed/ashamed/embarrassed when I think about our sex life. I hate thinking about it or talking about it and I don't want to see him because I feel disgusted and ashamed every time I look at him and I feel like he is probably thinking the same thing. What the hell is this? (link)
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You said you don't find sex very fulfilling. You also said you are repulsed and ashamed of the sex you have had. That sounds like you have been doing things you don't want to do. This makes me wonder if you have ever been the victim of abuse. Were you abused as a young child? Or, were these relationships abusive in any way? Did your boyfriend pressure you to have sex when you didn't want to? Is there any chance that you just aren't sexually attracted to men?
In any case, I think it's very unusual for you to be so strongly disgusted and ashamed of your sex-life. This is a serious issue that can't really be fully explored in an advice column. It would be great if you could get some help from a therapist.
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I lost my virginity in Feb after my 15 birthday. Since then my boyfriend and I have had sex atleast twice a week. He pulls out so we have never completely finished, and we have never had a pregnancy scare. Recently our sex has felt diffrent though. Like it has lost the unique, wild touch it once had. Could I be bored with sex? I get the same pleasure, but instead of feeling fulfilled afterwards I just feel-there. Can someone explain this to me? I'm so confused... (link)
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Well, first of all-- use condoms! I hope you know that you can still get pregnant, even though he pulls out before he is "finished". Plus, having unprotected sex is putting you at huge risk for catching a sexually transmitted disease. If you are going to have unprotected sex at the age of 15, then you are not mature enough to even have a fulfilling sexual relationship. This is really more about you taking care of yourself and making smart choices than it is about you getting your sex-life spiced-up.
That being said, what happens in the bedroom is usually a reflection of what is going on in all areas of the relationship. If things are falling flat with him in general, then sex is going to fall flat, too. Do you have fun with him? Do you trust him? Do you feel close to him in any way other than sexually?
If you are not enjoying sex with him, then stop having sex. Even if he pressures you to keep having sex with him. And for crying out loud-- take care of yourself!
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